Random Thoughts from the Office: December 16, 2011

It should be a joyous time around the offices of Clarence "Showstealer" Mason: Attorney at Law. It should be time for reflection and celebration; not only did I get the Trolla corporation buyout done, (Cause seriously, that Chris Engler guy...just between you and me I think he may have had something to do with the destruction of the Nation of Domination's locker room. I've got my eye on you Engler, just saying) But I was also going to be the attorney for Lita in her court battle, a chance to get what Braxton never could. I should be on cloud nine, on top of the world ready to spread cheer and joy and fun in this Random Thoughts column.

But I'm not.

Why? Two Reasons.

1) Mr. Yak. Paying the swear jar for Blade to RD, making Blah feel guilty and wanting to repay you. Where do think that comes from? Hmmm....Considering my fees were out of that money. (Feel Free to keep The Price is Right game though. Cause seriously, fuck that game).


2) The reason for my column today.


Now don't get me wrong. [I never do. - PB] I understand that Twitter is the hot social medium nowadays, cause God knows our cell phone generation can't process anything past 140 characters. But I get it, it's a place to just quickly say whatever's on your mind. Heck, I have one (Not that I hardly ever use it...and I'm not sure where that name came from...). [Me too. But it's the same story with me also.] So I really, really understand how it's a cool thing. I mean, it does feel good when you can get people like Taz to bitch at you over it (He's a Jets fan, what the hell does he know?), it's fun, it's easy to use, and people might care what you say.

But when you mix it into wrestling, then you have problems.

Look, I have no problem with the wrestlers having twitter accounts. It keeps them close to their fans, makes them human and a little bit more accessible. But when you bring that into storylines or you get awards for the "Trending Star of the Year" that's when you cross the line from "Accessible" to "Fucking Obnoxious", and that's not a slap down of Zack Ryder. I follow him, I see what he has to say, he's gotten himself over thanks to Twitter and his YouTube videos, but, and I know I'm going to sound a "Grumpy Old Schooler" here, but can we at least TRY to get him over on wrestling ability and get through ONE match without mentioning how he's the most followed superstar on Twitter? Once, please?

But while the WWE's recent upswing in Twitter is annoying and asinine, it's ultimately harmless and wouldn't really piss me off enough to do a column.

So leave it to TNA to take things from "Fucking Obnoxious" to "Completely Fucking Stupid".

You see Dixie Carter, Bruce Pritchard and the writing staff....Okay probably just Vince Russo; they saw the WWE mentioning Twitter so much and saw the chatter and thought "By Golly we can outdo them! And make our company look THAT much more bush league in the meantime."

And since it worked so well last time, it's time once again folks for us to play Fantasy Booker: The Home Game.

Suppose you have a match. A cage match between Jeff Hardy, fresh off coming back from his drug related hiatus, and Jeff Jarrett. You've built it up pretty well, it has a fair amount of heat, but you think it needs something more to put it over the top. A stipulation that will put it over the top. That either Jeff Hardy, Jeff Jarrett or Karen Angle/Jarrett will be fired and Karen will be handcuffed at ringside.

Do you

A) Announce the stipulation on Impact on the last show before the Pay Per View, a show watched by roughly 1.5 million people per week and would get people talking. I mean it draws well enough that Spike TV would let you insert a quick 30 second thing right?


B) Announce the stipulation on Dixie Carter's Twitter feed at about roughly midnight Saturday morning, a Twitter account that at the time I write this had 108,513 followers or roughly one fifteenth of the people who watch Impact. Then on the Pay Per View, offhandedly mentioned, not only NOT deliver on the stipulation that night but use your Pay Per View to plug the TV show 4 days later?

If you answered B. Congratulations, you're an idiot and are thus qualified to write for TNA.

I'm not saying Twitter can not be a good accompaniment to wrestling. If you want to put the wrestlers Twitter handles in the name cards, go ahead. But when the wrestlers mention it in their promos, or you mention it on the show mention how you're "Trending" you don't look cool, you look like a mark and when you start adding stipulations to pay per view matches over Twitter you don't look cutting edge, you look bush league, and when everything already thinks you're bush league the last thing you want to do is give them more ammo.


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