204 Jim-gle Bells (Palsy): December 16, 2011

115 minutes

Blade is drunk (thankfully) but even he knows the (Christmas?) Fruitcakes haven't done much since Black Friday, when he had a Freudian fascination with penises. He also remembers being punished by eating sub sandwiches. I don't blame him. RD was equally 'punished' by egg rolls for some reason. This I CAN blame him for because I love egg rolls.

You know who else is being punished? Jim Ross (:09) He's outside a Dollar General in Tulsa ringing for 'donations' to his cause; himself. How he does that while still calling into the show I have no idea. Multi-tasking, perhaps. He does tell us that Hollywood John has currently tired of fucking his wife and is also helping out somewhere. You know what Jim should do? Sell his Slammy 'statue'. At least, if he hasn't shoved it up Michael Cole's ass and lost it anyway.

'Stubby' helps promotional considerate. (:19)

RD hardly bothers to update his itinerary. (:20) "Speaking of bah, humbug" (hey, that's MY catchphrase! Get your own.) [Actually it's mine but thank you so much for playing - Clarence] [[The Catchphrase of WCR.com I would imagine. I should get that as a tagline for the page.]] he calls Jim again. Emperor, give the man a break. It's been barely 10 minutes! Also Jim shouldn't talk too loud on his 'phone' (how can he afford/use one anyway?), people may hear him and give the game away. Blade can't keep it together.

Blade's one true love Lita's been arrested for speeding. (:25) The duo spend a few minutes spelling her name right, as RD again thinks little of the Listeners. Iron Mark Tyson KOs the episode. (:33)

Ric Flair's now channeling the spirit of Jerry Lawler, as Alec Heineken reads a 'plan' of his to accompany high schoolers to their prom. (:35) If he really wants money that bad he should stand with Jim Ross. Instead of going "ho-ho-ho" he could just say "wooo-wooo-wooo". [Impossible. After all the alimony checks he couldn't afford to pay for the trademark off Zack Ryder - Clarence] License to print money I say. RD does his Sir Ben Kingsley impression.

Who wants to win dinner with Velvet Sky, a woman so highly regarded that not even TNA - TNA - wants her? Poor lady. (:41) Things seem somewhat dodgy when we find that the 'winner' has to 'write' about their dinner for a website. That's like the opposite of what I do here, where my punishment for failing to write a summarization in time is to have dinner with Velvet Sky. [Oh whine, whine, whine. Every time I miss a column you make me have dinner with Mae Young - Clarence] [[It builds good discipline and strength of character Trust me, I had plenty of dinners with the Fabulous Moolah to train my own skills.]] RD watches Jeff Jarrett and Karen Jarrett do a terrible job 'promoting' this contest.

Something 'weird' happened to Blade, which he labels a "miracle" (:48) He's suddenly found the Tranny attractive, and instead of calling her by her old, ah, handle, wants to call her "Hot Ashley Mess" instead. I give this about a week before he forgets and switches back to Tranny again. Francine has another child. Or should that be foal? (:51)

Not getting anywhere with his charity work, Jim enters the nearby Dollar General to steal raisins. (:53) Mind you, he does this while still talking on the phone about what exactly he's doing. That's not how you play the game down there, is it? Unless people don't actually eat raisins anymore and the store owner is secretly thankful that Jim is consuming his one year expired products so that he doesn't have to.

Paul (McGann?) has a Question about snacks. (:57) They actually answer it.

The HTMM's off this week. (:61) Well, it's CHRISTMAS. I don't expect him to be working on a holiday, do you?

You might want the heavy-duty kind.
:63 Blade tells his Reuben Trashbagging story, which apparently involves this 'Reuben' character bringing a filled trashbag inside a millionaire's house. He uses Extreme Music music for this for some reason (Dinner For Two's A Whiff Of Perfume).

Sad News: Classics On Demand is being future endeavored for WWE's new horrible-looking network. (:72) Blade wants ESPN to 'air' their radio progrem which necessitates the use of Martin Lawrence of some reason. RD doesn't say "Whatup?" though.

The Slammys suck. (Don't they always?) RD gives Blade 30 seconds to flounder. (:80)

:83 RD and Blade open up presents.

  • Reverend BSB Brandon Berthelot gives Berthelot pepper sauces.
  • Travie Yak sends $50 to RD to pay for Blade's Swear Jar tally. Noble sacrifice, my good man. (But if you're reading this, you really shouldn't have and now I feel guilty. If you ARE one of those few readers of this site, contact me privately. I'll want to reimburse you for what you paid if you like.) Now Blade just owes that The Price Is Right game for my amusement.
  • Adam Kraznov (spelling?) sends a Lions-Saints game to Blade.

    Then, MY present. You didn't expect that, did you? Such a Russo-esque swerve, in my opinion. (:94) I sent Blade the complete first season of Maude, and RD another bad Burt Reynolds movie, Delgo. Even better, I actually sent an audio recording of myself explaining RD's thing (:96) and, yes, my recent purchase of the Trolla Corporation, while trying to spend as much time on air as physically possible. (If you haven't noticed I'm somewhat of a vain motherfucker heel) If you REALLY get turned on by my voice (and if you do, why?), I've uploaded the thing here. And as I promised, my earlier audio submission that I sent a few months back too. I apologize if I speak a bit too fast for some, so I'd be glad to send/post a writing of what I aimed to say up here.

    IT'S NOT FOR BABIES!

    • The "NFL" sent Blade a fancy Lions wallet and a can cooler, and RD a signed Dan Orlovsky card. (:102)
    • Blade receives a very cute gift from RD Junior, a Lego Bossk keychain, and receives a rather sexual Dutch shirt from RD.
    • RD meanwhile has a Troma movie staring Julie Newmar with music by Quincy Jones which is so obscure I have yet to find it on IMDB ("Seduction of a Nerd") [It was fantastically titled "Up Your Teddy Bear" in 1970. --iggy], and a Mexican Santa Claus poster. Includes free Pitch action! (That sounded wrong.)


    :108 A bitter Jim Ross blames the duo for his 'situation', and accosts old man RD while doing so. Pretty soon the police are on his tail. I'm sure Sheriff Dickwell and a newly reanimated John Kelly are not far behind...

    Seventeen Syllables coming down your chimney:
    The year is over.
    Our Christmas gift to the Twelve:
    Lots more shows next year.

    For some reason I don't believe him.



    $2.00 (+$4.00 for my message playing. I told you I was vain.)
    ($50.00 and The Price Is Right for $19.99)



    Merry Christmas, one and all!
    - Your friend "that Wrestlecrapradio.com guy" Premier Blah

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