205 Mind the ValenTime: February 17, 2012

100 minutes

Happy (Chinese) New Year. And I thought there weren't going to be any episodes this year. Silly me.

RD: "We're not making any promises."

Still, at least Blade is back on form with the Crickets, so I guess that's good for something.

Back recording, the Co-Fruitcakes waste no time talking about...football. Bet you Dave Meltzer's not talking about THAT this week. (:04 - :14) Once again Blade's "Hobo Curse", in which the team he supports loses most of the time, came into effect at the Superbowl, as the Giants beat Brakestown's Patriots in Indianapolis. RD wants to do something new to pay off his bet this year, which he lost for some reason. Send the usual submissions to Blade.

Blade wants a WCR "Hall Of Fame" as an excuse to reanimate the 2008 Crappies.

Sad News: Global Internet has merged with another Internet provider, cyberlynk.net. (:16) Now don't confuse that with cyberLINK.net (which looks about as fake as most things are these days) or cyberlink.CA, which is a completely different internet provider. I think.

RD finally gets around to finding Mike Check's 'new' website (which has been active since April). "This is the work of genius," he proclaims. 

:24 Sad News: Blade broke RD's old laptop. RD would have brought a pair of rusty scissors to edit the Star Wars prequels. Blade is sober drunk and wants to make porn parodies of the movies. He also wants to eat meat for breakfast instead of the 10 different types of Cheerios on offer.  Ah...no. Any active man worth his salt knows they can get protein from plenty of other places. Eggs, legumes, nuts, supplements, that sort of thing.

:37 Edge is NOT going to New York to sign autographs. Neither is Fake Rikishi attracting 400 people for signings. I blame Even Colder Mike Austin.

Mickie James is rocking some maternity pants. (:44) This does not require the use of the HorseTrolla for some reason which is good. As a part of the Trolla purchase the thing's getting upgraded with a new model; an Godolphin Arabian of course. It should be there by the next episode, which by my calculations should be in June.

:47 Dark Journey's resurfaced, and of course Jim Ross is happy. According to him she has the Deltan look going on, which means she'll now do a film with the Paper Chase guy. "I'm gonna go jerk off" Jim says before departing. I wonder if he does that while beating his meat. (But I don't want his semen to get in his sauces.)

Maria is spending her 'time' being the next Elvira. No offense, but we already have the original Elvira still going strong already. An Elvira Jr. perhaps? (:51)

Why is her belly button so high up?
Velvet Sky is a zombie for some reason. (:56) There's a joke to be made here.

Trips looks good in a dress, doesn't he?
Sir Alec calls in, causing Blade to cough. (:58) He has another story (a prequel?) of Hunter and Shawn in love.

Your Pal Irish Dynamite Eighty Boy has the Question of the Week Month. (:67) He wants the two to get rid of Lord Alfred for cheating on them on other shows.

The Honky Tonk Mailman has been corresponding for a year (which is lucky, considering the fact that we had only five shows for it). Thankfully he's on air to gloat about it. (:69) TNA cancelled their UK tour last year, to the disappointment of that one guy who really wanted to go out with Velvet Sky. (Zombie Nathaniel, we know it's you, so get back in your coffin this instant. Even if she DOES look like a zombie now.) The HTMM doesn't like her for some reason. He has his own commemorative stamp for the anniversary, whatever that is.

:76 Michael Cole has won the 2011 Gooker for the generally horrible job he's been doing, but especially last year. I wonder if he'll tweet about this and have this become one of those Trending Topics he keeps going on and on and on about (as ordered to by Vince in his ear).

The WWE Network's been delayed (what a shock) so they're stuck on YouTube. One show in particular, Are You Serious? is...well...are you serious? It's awful. They essentially cover some of the very worst in pro wrestling, with 'amusing' commentary and jokes on the stuff. I wonder where I've seen that before... Of course, seeing as how WWE's hand is in this, the jokes are constrained and not funny at all. It's essentially a video version of WrestleCrap Radio. In that aspect I pity whoever is my counterpart Co-Historian. RD wants to meta commentate on them.

As if the Divas weren't being taken seriously enough, Natalya Neidhart (she of the Hart clan and one of the few actual good female wrestlers the promotion has) has 'problems' controlling a part of her body. New Hall Of Famer (for WWE, not WCR...yet) Mark Tyson has insight on this. (:84)

Seventeen Syllables on her problem:
Farting Natalya.
Do you smell what she's cooking?
Neidhart asshole juice.

Sign that Blade is drunk; his haiku makes no fucking sense. "Neidfart's sharptooters" would fit better. But, well, what do you expect.

Fuck, you know what? THAT should be the haiku here.

Seventeen Syllables on her problem:
Farting Natalya.
Do you smell what she's cooking?
Neidfart's sharptooters.

I would ask to be on the show because of that, but I value my sanity highly.

RD's made a 'Tribute' to Global Internet Greg, which consists of all the magical things he can do for you if you ever bought a URL with him. (:91 - end) Poor guy will never live this down.

The stakes are raised for Blade's antics now. (What can I say, I'm as bored as you are.) His transgressions now cost double, so now he has to pay 50 cents for his troubles. This should be fun. He thus owes $4.00 for the year (plus the $19.99 The Price Is Right).

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