281 Chicks With Chips: March 5, 2019

Oh, Hi Blade.

85 minutes

Blade is once again visiting RD at his home after more than 10 years. He is thankful he can be Jazz Overnight instead of using a "burner" phone. He still has a Big Announcement somewhere. He was in Chicago for Cory Udler's birthday, hence the subsequent visit.

The two plan to record another RD&BS immediately after; in following their desire for user participation they will follow one's request by going over an old show. (:05)

Blade got lost in this very site while recently browsing it. I cannot blame him, this place is VERY extensive. (:09)

Blade went by himself to a ghetto gas station in Philadelphia. (:10) He bought their local Homegirls (Sweeties flavor) potato chips which confuses him for some reason. They turn out as sweet as the packaging. Their brother brand, Chumpies, are also sweet, albeit less so.

RD has a stroopwafel from his Dutch grocery. Blade becomes nostalgic when eating it which fills his head as he doesn't have any words. "It's...different." Then: "it's very good." RD has to explain to him what a stroopwafel is including the Wikipedia mentioned custom of placing one over a cup of coffee to loosen the syrup inside. Unfortunately, he only has Diet Mountain Lightning at the moment, which is not good hot OR cold.

RD has polished his Faxtrolla. (:22) Woman Gorgeous George has pickles which sounds like something Man Gorgeous George would have had (while he was alive of course). The Co-Fruitcakes silent interactive a video on her Facebook page about George Frankenstein's Dill With It Pickles. Blade decides to buy some. RD abstains, as he is not a big pickle man. Ahem.

Blade: "Do you like soap?"

RD is speechless. (:28)

This is supposedly a segue to Hollywood making organic soap to sell on Etsy. Blade is confused by some of the flavors. He still has his Rock talking soap, which has a better shelf life and audience than Francine's fetish used soap.

As mentioned before in exasperation, Tam was arrested. (:34) The difference this time is that there was actually an article on WWE (you know things are bad when they have something!) which Blade reads as he calls himself a "talent-less drunk". That implies he had talent in the first place. Like me RD is (still) speechless that she's still out and about afterwards her SIXTH drunk driving incident (after "video conferencing" with a judge to make things even more absurd.)

Blade recounts how he got a DWI on his 18th birthday (but not for being underage) which put him on the straight and narrow to drink at home nowadays. Good man. It is frightening that he has his head on straighter than (the older) Tam.

Maryse is expecting her second child. (:40)

As mentioned earlier Blade was in Chicago to see Cory for his birthday, and KISS (not for their birthday). (:43) For some reason (drinking at home perhaps?) he randomly did Nintendo John for a change (though Blade with that different than usual audio setup sounded like he had aged into Cranky Kong), alongside his friend's Honky Tonk Mailman (thankyouverymuch) and Gene and Paul, the latter two being visited at a eerily silent "backstage". Apparently Madison Rayne is returning. Blade laughs loudly throughout. Shockingly the HTMM does not provide any stamp news.

Corey Strode (not on Patreon) asks a question about WOW. (:56) RD guesses Blade would prefer Russo WCW. Surprisingly however, he instead prefers 1988 WWF. Santana Garrett of current WOW debuted in a show with Blade - I mean the Midnight Rose. Like him I mix those two up also. Also it's his 10th anniversary. Rose, not Blade. Like me I don't think he's reached 5 years of maturity yet.

Ed Leslie, of all people, is entering the Hall of Fame. (:60) The Fruitcakes wonder who else should be inducted. This is not a repeat from last year when they also did this, which is itself not a repeat from the month before that when they also did this. (:71)

Blade wants the Midnight Express post-roster change, Miss Elizabeth and her granny panties, and Demolition. RD wants Jim Cornette, the British Bulldogs, and the Goobledy Gooker, of course.

Blade never had a problem with Roman Reigns. (:73) Big Dave Bistro has also returned. Sources are having Kofi Kingston against Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania. Blade finally has his own Becky Lynch doll, who RD now considers his favorite female wrestler ever after her master trolling online [What? There's no mention of The Room's Tommy Wiseau wanting to be special guest ring announcer at Wrestlemania 35? You're Tearing Me Apart, R.D.! -RVM Kai].

Seventeen Syllables to say about that:
Becky with a dick.
Russo bomb at Mania:
Penis on a pole.



$31.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right



Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Blade in studio
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. Patreon, WrestleCrap.com, WrestleCrapRadio.com, Baskin Robbins
  
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 0.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Honky Tonk Mailman, Nintendo John, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley from Kiss

 

• Blade Time Outs:  3 (1 Real Quick)
• RD Time Outs: 1
  
• Mama’s Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  2
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
• Nintendo 8 Bit Pops:  5

 

• Question of the Week from: Corey Strode
• Women of Wrestling, great promotion or the greatest promotion? Neither, 1988 WWF.

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What 3 candidates would you want in the WWE Hall of Fame?
• RD:  Jim Cornette, British Bulldogs, the Gobbledy Gooker
• Blade:  Demolition, Miss Elizabeth, Midnight Express (Bobby Eaton and Stan Lane)

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: For whom the ginger troll tolls:
  Becky with a dick.
  Russo bomb at Mania:
  Penis on a pole.

254 Derailed: October 10, 2015

All Aboard The Trainwreck: Please & No Thank ya!

91 minutes

Blade enjoys his Boo Berry. According to him his Roll Up variant makes Boo look like sperm.

That's what she said.

This is the only solace for Blade, as he doesn't feel well, or so he says. That hasn't stopped him co-hosssing of course. The most harm he can do in his condition is to cough into the microphone. The upshot if there is one is that the medicine gives him an excuse to act pseudo-intoxicated, if any.

RD returns to the subject of (12) Listeners who have no idea about the main site that gave birth to the radio progrem. So the Duo discuss his latest induction. It's not like he already mentions the site every recording or something. (:05) The talk of masks leads into the Pingkin calling in, (:12) and this time RD remembers to use Satan's voice modifier to make him more Michael Clarke Duncan (RIP) this time around. I think he just wanted to call to prove he actually/still exists on the show.

Although my shilling is now timed at 10 seconds long, sadly Blade is too ill and confused to hear it well, poor guy. (:14) This infection spreads to them messing around in The Intestinal Fortitude's new ad copy. RD then shills the Archives some more. Seriously, go buy an entry for it. It's only $15 measly dollars! (Which is better than the measles the Co-Hosses seem to be suffering from at present.)

:19 RD took a TRIP...from lunch during work where he met a(nother) hobo wanting to give him head, and I don't mean Al Snow's companion. Quote Mrs. Deal doing a reverse Roddy Piper: "Well I hope you said "no thank you"!" Surprisingly this story doesn't help Blade's condition.

Blade had one of those Halloween Whoopers that constipated him and made his poop green. (:27)

RD: "Why did I ever agree to start this show again? I don't know."

Blade found some 20 year old candy bars that he is going to auction to an unwilling audience. (:33) RD has yet to see Who Framed Roger Rabbit? 

:37 Dave Batista has married for the third time to a "pole dancer" which makes Blade think of horses for some reason. (From what I can tell of her she doesn't seem to have a long face.) He's definitely still pining (like a horse?) for Mickie James. "Obviously I'm a man," he attempts to remind.

Artist's representation
of a poison mushroom

Sad News: Blade's never been married even as he hits 40. Actual Sad News: The Rock's puppy, the one he saved from drowning, didn't cheat death a second time, succumbing to a poison mushroom. (:41)

Rockin' Robin is 51 years young. This summons Blade's (Viewing Booth) Bill Cosby impression for some reason as an excuse to play her singing again. I hope she invited Brother Hood to her birthday party if she held one. Cue "Bill" mumbling worse than my shill up above. (Don't ask me for any (Viewing Booth) Bill Cosby impressions as I'm terrible at those.) (:45)

Eve Torres had a child named Raeven, pronounced with an H. Please, nevermore with these awkward child names. (:50) RD gongs themselves. The HorseTrolla is still well oiled and functional and tells us that Mickie James is once again attempting to break into the country music scene. (:54)

RD: "You have to be very sick if this show is making you laugh."

:56 "Good" News: Tammy got bailed out of prison. She doesn't like her full name for some reason. May I suggest Raeven? Pronounced with an H. (Or Hammy if you prefer. Or Ham if she still wants the shorter name.) She supposedly found yet another boyfriend through her camera work - not explicit of course! - and you know it's true love when he doesn't have to pay for it. Just TALKING about her makes Blade laugh out (sickly) loud, which just about says it all. She's doing haunted houses now. Not visiting them for the sake of her (web-cam) audience mind you; actually being a performer in one of them.

RD: "Wooow! What a deal! So not only do you get to see a WWF Hall Of Famer get killed [in the Haunted House], you get a free 8x10!"

Worried about how the "trainwreck" of a progrem is going, RD jumps tracks to another trainwreck of TNA, now in its death throes. Yes, again.  (:63) Hopefully this time it stays down; even the Black Knight is looking at and shaking his head ruefully (as King Arthur decapitates him, only for him to continue talking.) As Blade puts it (in line with me commenting on this somewhere), it will not be long until they go the way of the AWA and have turkey on a pole matches in an empty pink arena. I would just cut out the middle man. Their 'arenas' are already empty and instead of having more disjointed matches the 'lucky' viewer could watch the wrestlers paint the arena in pink - something far more entertaining than whatever on earth TNA is doing or not doing. To quote an excellent page on the Death of TNA, in regards to the recent Bound For Glory:

• "On September 28, six days before their biggest show of the year, TNA announced the semi-main event for Bound For Glory, Kurt Angle vs. Eric Young, over Twitter." 

• "The show was held from the Cabarrus Arena in Concord, North Carolina. The venue reported that only 280 people paid for tickets to the show. Tweets showed that TNA was distributing hundreds of vouchers in an attempt to have any sort of crowd."

• "People who purchased a VIP ticket to the show were given perks such as a tour of the arena and backstage area from Dixie Carter, and a meal from the catering table. TNA talent were reportedly upset at the "lack of privacy" they had."

Also of rather important note:

• "The following day TNA made another one of their famous "big announcements". This time the big announcement was that Mahabali Shera, EC3 and Rebel would go to India to make an announcement there. That's right, TNA's big announcement was that there would be a big announcement."

I think Blade may be covertly working for TNA ala Vince Russo.

Blade may be sick but he was a trooper enough to persuade the Honky Tonk Mailman to call in, you're a beautiful audience thank you very much. However Blade's sickness infects even his line, as he's more hard to hear than usual, even worse than me up there. He catches them up on Mark Hardy/Mardy returning to action after the birth of his gargoyle kid. He has a Dixie Carter commemorative stamp only available until January.

:72 The WFFDQ advises to pick up Tony Romo. Forget the fact that he's currently injured at episode's run time; he's currently performing better than he did when he was healthy. He's a steal!

Oh and in case you were wondering, as of this writing RD and Blade's FF teams are currently in the middle while I'm near the top - but things can always change, as they usually do.

:74 Allan in Milwaukee wants to know why Stephanie will win this year's Ultimate Warrior Award. RD had a bumper crop of sent in questions after last time's begging, so of course out of all of them he chooses this one. Blade wants two fingered referee "The Iron Duke" Jim Mitchell to win it instead.

Blade: "This show is something else."
RD: "That's the most factually accurate statement you ever made."

Blade delays his Big Announcement. (See above re: TNA.)

:77 WWE may release a Scott Hall DVD. I look forward to how they handle his time in WCW.

James Storm, who had been with TNA FROM DAY ONE, has finally escaped his wrestling banishment to debut on NXT. [He would return in January, but fellow veterans AJ Styles, Bobby Roode, and Eric Young took his place instead.] The Co-Fruitcakes calculate how much TNA would be worth based on their donations - around $14 or so, which is still far overpriced. Blade attempts some serious conversation on Kurt Angle and his Moveset. Then he does his impression of Miss Elizabeth mumbling. My guess is Savage locked her in a room again and she's talking through the door.

Seventeen Syllables Of Current Wrestling News we're gonna get right here in seconds/Seventeen Syllables on the most recent Madison Garden Show once the song hits:
The MSG Show.
Yawn. Hehehehehehe
Hehehehehe.

The MSG Show.
Yawn. It was more like War to
Not Settle the Bore.

RD apologizes profusely for the radio progrem reverting back to its old ways, as if it had never left them at all.



$28.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. WrestleCrapRadio.com, WrestleCrap.com, IntestinalFortitude.com
• URLs not taken: 1. MikeCheckinathimble.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Internal organs, dying
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Filton Whisk, Bill Cosby, Honky Tonk Mail Man, WrestleCrap Fantasy Football Drag Queen

 

• Krankor Laughs: 1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
• Mama’s Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  1
• Cricket Chirps:  2
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  2

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  WTCH The Witch (Salem, Massachusetts)
• Call Sign:  Johnny Boo
• Partner: Ann B. Love
• Show:  Afternoon Delight with Boo and B. Love
• Song:  “It's A Monsters' Holiday” by Buck Owens

 

• Question of the Week from: Allan in Milwaukee
• Who will win this years Warrior Award and why will it be Stephanie McMahon? Blade: Nope, Iron Duke.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: New Yawn or York?
  The MSG Show.
  Yawn. It was more like War to
  Not Settle the Bore. 
    
• Erik Majorwitz’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: One last thing on RDs white:
  
  Hooker solicits RD.
  What do call such a thing?
  Terrifying Whore-Deal!
  

209 WCR.F.D.: July 7, 2012 ("Aired" on July 13)

102 minutes

For some reason with the Co-Hosses not being 'able' to do a show these past few days despite their vows to do so, the two have decided to 'cut their losses' and just decided to put the show out of its misery end the whole thing without any rhyme or reason.

(Or it could be that RD is tiring of the progrem and wants to move on. Personally, I don't blame him.)

To that end, the two have had a table at the recent Days of the Dead Con in Indianapolis (what an appropriate name, to get the obvious joke out of the way). To assist they've found whoever they can scrounge up as their "12 Listeners" to be their Live Studio Audience Laugh Track of this Very Special Episode. This apparently involves them watching the duo go through all the 'motions' of the show and change their voices every now and then.

Why does it make me feel like I'm watching their Roast again? I'm almost expecting Trash Losagain to walk in at any second.

One thing that can be considered almost a universal constant: Blade is once again made the fool here. I think it's all that alcohol he's been drinking, both here and throughout most of his radio progrem life. This isn't helped by the fact that seeing something about dead chicks doing anal reminds him of Don. (:06) I don't want to know what would bubble out on you if said dead chicks did such things to you though.

Blade seems quite 'determined' to have his own show by doing monthly 'specials'. Don't hold your breath kids.

Stubby is brought from underneath their table. I don't want to know what he was doing down there. (:09) He didn't even bring his canned laughter, so the audience provides one for him. RD finally gets one up on the figure and renders him speechless. Blade misses his (future) chance to talk to a tree in his backyard.

The Duo still need to promotional considerate even though it won't be any use to them pretty soon. (:12) This is an excuse to once again mock the Shining Wizards ad feed. A Listener leaves because "I've heard enough."

That done, RD tosses Doritos bags to the peanut gallery. (:22) He invites a guy on 'stage' to try some hot dog flavored chips, which taste like bad hot dogs. So, like most hot dogs then? Blade likes to eat Earl Campbell's sausage.

Sir Alec 'calls' over the phone because he's on 'honeymoon' back home in England. (:31) However, judging from the timings between Indianapolis and London (which has the thespian awake at around 1 in the morning) this is less him on a late night boat ride down the Thames and more like him being drunk and hallucinating said honeymoon back at his abode. My guess is Ellie got tired of his infatuation with douching and left him for someone else. My other guess would be Mike Check.

Regardless, Blade does Alec as Blade doing a bad English accent and has him read a few lines of 'poetry' that he totally didn't randomly scribble down on a sheet of paper a few minutes before recording. Alec still has his cheering crowd of supporters with him, hopefully not capsizing his honeymoon boat or, more likely, taking up too much space at home and causing a ruckus with the neighbors. We shall see which outcome seems more likely in the near future.

(Again, don't hold your breath.)

Nintendo John has his own cheering audience with him too as he 'calls' in. (:37) He remembers playing old horror games. On the Nintendo. Sadly, Monster Party was so scarring it made him quit his playing. On the Nintendo. He plans to upgrade to 32-bit though and become Super Nintendo John. "Kryptonite can't see me!" he proclaims.

The Honky Tonk Mailman also calls in, though he has an excuse seeing as he's not in Indy right now. (:42) Good move on his part too; he shouldn't risk his life being with them after more than 526 days during a year where RD & Blade did fuck all progrem wise. As a reward for his perseverance Blade plans to send him an empty box. Stamped, of course. He leaves without even bothering to report any news. Perhaps he was all out of Wrestling Observers that day.

Iron Mark calls in not long after. He's awfully hard to understand. (:47)

B.M. Punk calls in not long after. He's awfully hard to understand because RD quickly hangs up on him. (:48)

"Satan" calls in not long after. (:48) Of course he's not there in person either, but he has an excuse. It seems he "has a leak in his ceiling" and he has to do things himself around the house. Perhaps he can get D.I.Y. tips from Angry Jim Ross? Sunny and Reby Sky have been arguing about Sid Vicious, for some reason. RD thinks he's hearing Satan's phone ring. I bet it's God laughing at and taunting him, having been the source of his leakage all the way down in Hades. If He DID create the multiverse as we know it we know that pulling a prank on His hated adversary is not really something strenuous here. Blade relaxes his throat by shilling his being Satan in a movie.

:55 Dustin Runnels is in some horror movie somewhere. That's more news than I can stomach. Blade responds by inviting a woman up on stage with him. (:56)

Someone in the audience is tasked with delivering a "Question Of The Week" to ask about Blade's new show. (:61)

Again...don't hold your breath.

People start wondering in and out of the room. (:61) Blade dons his Midnight Rose mask to flirt with some pretty ladies. Any results from that have yet to be seen.

RD responds in turn by doing his Mike Check impression. (:73) This time, neither even bothers to wonder what he's doing and why he's not still in prison. He's just...'there'. Perhaps he's existing in Indy and in prison at the same time in some sort of Schrodinger's nightmare. (In my case, I'll still pretend he's in the Big House and hacked his way in again. It will make things much easier to figure out.) Did he ever tell you about the time he worked with the recently no longer with us Andy Griffith in Winston Salem's WMOO "The Moo/Big Cow 1240"? He was Pop Stevens and Andy was Stan Cherry, and together they hosted the Pop'N'Cherry Teen Dance Hour. Sadly no one knows if it was sponsored by Dr. Pepper.

:81 TNA has some new gimmick of a crack whore (named Claire Lynch for the three of you who care). This has to be explained to Blade for some reason. AJ Lee looks to be about 12. One guy is so excited by this revelation he doesn't even finish texting.

RD has had enough and outright asks some of the audience of their favorite moments from the show. (:90)

Haven't we done this already?

:94 Blade does his Jim Ross impression. He's just now discovered the cellphone.

Seventeen Easy to Digest Syllables (of Fun):
The end of the show.
After seven years, we're done.
Now let's take a bow.



As expected, the Ratings Reaper finally gets off his ass to 'cancel' the show. And I thought I was a procrastinating motherfucker. There's always a bigger fish, it seems.

Of course, RD gets the literal last laugh. I expected nothing less.



$11.00 : $25.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right 



For the three of you that care, I'll be posting a later piece about the future of this here website. It's still going to stay up long after the radio progrem has ended of course, so don't worry. Much.  

 

 

 

Facts & Figures From The Future (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Shining Wizard Wrestling Podcast, AngryMarks.com
  
• URLs not taken: 3. GiveMeHookers.com, GimpedUpWhore.com, DrunkandOnGimmicks.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Anal, Don...Don Mason, defecation
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 2. Incest Death Squad Part III, Trish Stratus’ penis

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 19. Matt, “Viewing Booth” Bill Cosby, Sir Alec Heineken, “Nintendo” John, Honky Tonk Mailman, “Iron” Mark Tyson, BM Punk, Satan, Stephanie, QotW guy, Midnight Rose, Mike Check, Peter From NYC, Nick, Peter From NYC (2), Jim,  Jim (2), Ratings Reaper

 

• F-Bombs: 39. Blade (23), Stubby (7), “Nintendo” John (2), Satan, Jim (6)

 

• Blade Time Outs:  16 (1 Real Quick)
  
• RD Time Outs:  3
• Mama's Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  3
• Nintendo 8 Bit Pops:  14
• Cricket Chirps:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  1
• Cricket Chirps: 3
• WrestleCrap Radio Gongs: 2 
• You're Hurtin' Me, Randy!: 1
• RD False Finishes: 1
  

 

• Question of the Week from: Some Unabomber in the crowd
  
• If you had to pick a new name for Blade's podcast, what would it be and why? Gimped Up Whore.
  

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  WMOO Big Cow 1240 (Winston-Salem, North Carolina)
• Radio Call Sign: Pops Stevens 
• Partner: Andy Griffith as Stan Cherry
• Show:  Pop'N'Cherry Teen Dance Hour
• Song:  “The Party’s Over” by Johnny Mathis

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Blade's swan song:
  The end of the show.
  After seven years, we're done.
  Now let's take a bow.
  

208 No Gold Star: April 20, 2012

104 minutes

Big Announcement: Blade's drunk again. No wait, not that: WrestleCrap will have a table at a actual convention. It's only on the Saturday though, so Blade can get drunk and try to be Danny Trejo's sidekick.

RD recently saw the famously bad Birdemic and was traumatized by it. (:07) Next time he should watch it with its Rifftrax.

RD and Blade read the Shining Wizards Podcast ad copy just to make fun of it.

RD is happy with Brox's chocolate Easter bunny. (:21) RD tried bare some of those gifted spicy sauces.  The two gave away a few bottles.

Diamond Dan's HOTT line is finally called for some Obscure News. (:32) Remember, that's 317 335 4688. Again, 317 335 HOTT.

Blade tries some Doritos Jacked. He likes them. (:35) He recently uploaded a video of he and his friend trying out imported Japanese Doritos.

:40 Blade's beloved Jessica Alba 'fought' John Morrison for a commercial. This of course gets Blade going on her. Diamond Dallas Page admits Dave Grohl was unhappy with his theme music. Blade mumbles drunkenly.

"Satan" is so lazy he calls in just to say hello. (:51) His Tubular Bells sounds different again.

Steven Austin's barn was badly ravaged, but it's nothing he can't fix. Jim Ross calls, seeing as barn fixing is his expertise. I think. (:57)

:63 The Anonymous One asks about balls dropping.

SPEAKING OF balls dropping Mike Check answers. He hosted American Bandstand in Philadelphia in '52. 1852, to be exact. (I hear Lincoln was a fan of his. Mary Lincoln, if you know what I mean.) Did he ever tell you about the time he was at WFIL "The Fill 830" with Bob Horn? He was Little Mike E and together they did Horn-E at Midnight. I admit, that made me laugh. He gets possessed by Jim Ross for some reason.

:76 Blade needs to be filled by the Honky Tonk Mailman, who's been busy delivering tax forms. Did you know that next week he'll break the actual Honky Tonk Man's Intercontinental holding record? Wow, is this show awful. Random discussion about using the mentally challenged as man-servants ensues. Joe Park Esq., formerly Abyss, is coming to TNA last month. Kerry Von Erich's stamp comes in halves.

:86 Sad News: The Bellas are leaving WWE for...something. Penthouse is my guess. Don once made a stop-motion Muppets porn movie. (:91)

No Holds Barred is finally coming to DVD. AND distributed by WWE no less (their films division perhaps? That would be something.) (:94) The duo reminisce about WC in the Internet's Iron Age. Blade's Iron Mark Tyson impression wants to see Don's movie. Hey, who doesn't? (Besides me?) (:101)

So here it is:
No Holds Barred on disc.
Twenty jock-ass years later:
Dookie in high def.

Oh, and Chief Jay Strongbow is no longer with us. This is all the Co-Fruitcakes have to say about it:





























(How?)









Finally, some money to be made! $8.00 ($14.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right)

205 Mind the ValenTime: February 17, 2012

100 minutes

Happy (Chinese) New Year. And I thought there weren't going to be any episodes this year. Silly me.

RD: "We're not making any promises."

Still, at least Blade is back on form with the Crickets, so I guess that's good for something.

Back recording, the Co-Fruitcakes waste no time talking about...football. Bet you Dave Meltzer's not talking about THAT this week. (:04 - :14) Once again Blade's "Hobo Curse", in which the team he supports loses most of the time, came into effect at the Superbowl, as the Giants beat Brakestown's Patriots in Indianapolis. RD wants to do something new to pay off his bet this year, which he lost for some reason. Send the usual submissions to Blade.

Blade wants a WCR "Hall Of Fame" as an excuse to reanimate the 2008 Crappies.

Sad News: Global Internet has merged with another Internet provider, cyberlynk.net. (:16) Now don't confuse that with cyberLINK.net (which looks about as fake as most things are these days) or cyberlink.CA, which is a completely different internet provider. I think.

RD finally gets around to finding Mike Check's 'new' website (which has been active since April). "This is the work of genius," he proclaims. 

:24 Sad News: Blade broke RD's old laptop. RD would have brought a pair of rusty scissors to edit the Star Wars prequels. Blade is sober drunk and wants to make porn parodies of the movies. He also wants to eat meat for breakfast instead of the 10 different types of Cheerios on offer.  Ah...no. Any active man worth his salt knows they can get protein from plenty of other places. Eggs, legumes, nuts, supplements, that sort of thing.

:37 Edge is NOT going to New York to sign autographs. Neither is Fake Rikishi attracting 400 people for signings. I blame Even Colder Mike Austin.

Mickie James is rocking some maternity pants. (:44) This does not require the use of the HorseTrolla for some reason which is good. As a part of the Trolla purchase the thing's getting upgraded with a new model; an Godolphin Arabian of course. It should be there by the next episode, which by my calculations should be in June.

:47 Dark Journey's resurfaced, and of course Jim Ross is happy. According to him she has the Deltan look going on, which means she'll now do a film with the Paper Chase guy. "I'm gonna go jerk off" Jim says before departing. I wonder if he does that while beating his meat. (But I don't want his semen to get in his sauces.)

Maria is spending her 'time' being the next Elvira. No offense, but we already have the original Elvira still going strong already. An Elvira Jr. perhaps? (:51)

Why is her belly button so high up?

Velvet Sky is a zombie for some reason. (:56) There's a joke to be made here.

Trips looks good in a dress, doesn't he?

Sir Alec calls in, causing Blade to cough. (:58) He has another story (a prequel?) of Hunter and Shawn in love.

Your Pal Irish Dynamite Eighty Boy has the Question of the Week Month. (:67) He wants the two to get rid of Lord Alfred for cheating on them on other shows.

The Honky Tonk Mailman has been corresponding for a year (which is lucky, considering the fact that we had only five shows for it). Thankfully he's on air to gloat about it. (:69) TNA cancelled their UK tour last year, to the disappointment of that one guy who really wanted to go out with Velvet Sky. (Zombie Nathaniel, we know it's you, so get back in your coffin this instant. Even if she DOES look like a zombie now.) The HTMM doesn't like her for some reason. He has his own commemorative stamp for the anniversary, whatever that is.

:76 Michael Cole has won the 2011 Gooker for the generally horrible job he's been doing, but especially last year. I wonder if he'll tweet about this and have this become one of those Trending Topics he keeps going on and on and on about (as ordered to by Vince in his ear).

The WWE Network's been delayed (what a shock) so they're stuck on YouTube. One show in particular, Are You Serious? is...well...are you serious? It's awful. They essentially cover some of the very worst in pro wrestling, with 'amusing' commentary and jokes on the stuff. I wonder where I've seen that before... Of course, seeing as how WWE's hand is in this, the jokes are constrained and not funny at all. It's essentially a video version of WrestleCrap Radio. In that aspect I pity whoever is my counterpart Co-Historian. RD wants to meta commentate on them.

As if the Divas weren't being taken seriously enough, Natalya Neidhart (she of the Hart clan and one of the few actual good female wrestlers the promotion has) has 'problems' controlling a part of her body. New Hall Of Famer (for WWE, not WCR...yet) Mark Tyson has insight on this. (:84)

Seventeen Syllables on her problem:
Farting Natalya.
Do you smell what she's cooking?
Neidhart asshole juice.

Sign that Blade is drunk; his haiku makes no fucking sense. "Neidfart's sharptooters" would fit better. But, well, what do you expect.

Fuck, you know what? THAT should be the haiku here.

Seventeen Syllables on her problem:
Farting Natalya.
Do you smell what she's cooking?
Neidfart's sharptooters.

I would ask to be on the show because of that, but I value my sanity highly.

RD's made a 'Tribute' to Global Internet Greg, which consists of all the magical things he can do for you if you ever bought a URL with him. (:91 - end) Poor guy will never live this down.



The stakes are raised for Blade's antics now. (What can I say, I'm as bored as you are.) His transgressions now cost double, so now he has to pay 50 cents for his troubles. This should be fun. He thus owes $4.00 for the year (plus the $19.99 The Price Is Right).

201 Piper's Pit-SA: October 28, 2011

73 minutes

"Don't work for Vince Russo"?

It is once again Halloween, which gives RD & Blade ample opportunity to fluster and filibuster and fart around as per their custom. Of course they do it all the time, but more so in this case. Blade has 'morals' that he hangs on his wall. He repeats about the time he wore a Darth Maul outfit and Don Mason wore a star on his face. (:10) RD wants to be the king of the geeks nerds & poindexters. (:15) He'd be scarier than any tyrant.

:17 Piper's PSAs raise a question: Is it Thank YOU or Thank YA? Blade once received Mork & Mindy trading cards and even an action figure. Those are worse than razor apples. At King's Island RD escaped 'paying' for raisin boxes. RD's PSA: obtain some actual good candy to give out.

:27 Blade paid the Big Nippled Vampire and now has to 'schedule' her to be on their progrem. Nowadays she seems to be stuck on TMZ answering randomly awful questions. Huey is possessed by Satan. RD calls him "Son of Huey".

At last we shall reveal ourselves to the Jedi.
At last we shall have our Mars bars.

:32 Lita's in a Haunted House called the Atlanta Chamber Of Horrors. Sadly it's not Jim Ross' UWF Haunted House and we don't see Abdullah The Butcher on an electric chair, so I don't really care about it much.

:38 Sunny is auctioning off her Hall Of Fame dress as the latest high priced spunk rag. Blade repeats the story of Don's blow up doll. Is it a sign of dementia if you repeat the same things over and over again without knowing it? "I am ashamed of myself" Blade admits.

:41 "Satan" calls, seeing as how it's his season. Leave Santa Claus to the commercialism of Christmas, this is his time damn it! Former old guard Madusa disagrees with Kevin Nash on WWE. I can't argue with that; no offense to the man but he did help kill off WCW after all.

Not, not sure I get the reference, there, Carl.

:46 RD once again has to go back to Facebook to answer a 'Question' from Carl Zayas. The Co-Fruitcakes do, however, somewhat 'answer' his query. I think that's the only way to get an answer from the two; send them something that is less about wrestling and more just a random non sequitur.

:52 The Honky Tonk Mailman has the 'holiday' off. So why is he spending his time on the radio progrem? That's more arduous than any work I've seen. In his neighborhood people hand out Wrestling Observers instead of candy. Even Blade is speechless. In 'today's' news Hulk Hogan is returning to TNA...three weeks ago. The Halloween Havoc '98 commemorative stamp has a free refund. (For those who don't know, WCW was so inept that they were forced to air the PPV for free the day after, thus enraging those few who had paid for it. But don't take my word for it.) RD is worried about the Colonel's regression into a baby. But does he speak in Bruce Willis' voice?

The audience also took a nap during Vengeance.

:60 Blade forgot his bicentennial popcorn bucket. 'This is why you fail," he tells himself rather circularly. The ring at the recent Vengeance PPV can support a 40-man fight but apparently not just two guys standing on top of it. Blade does his Iron Mark Tyson. (:65)

:66 RD plays Blade's recording with Piper. He's not actually on the show, and I can't blame him. He probably thought the duo would take another month to record an episode and decided to be recorded instead. He's rather contradictory in his advice this time, advising trick-or-treaters to "burn [the] lawn" of those they don't like and send unwanted and poisoned food to Vince so that he can "look like Moolah".

Blade sings again.

$1.00 ($37.00 and The Price Is Right for $19.99)

200 The Call-Out: October 21, 2011

137 minutes (!)

If their arrows blot out the sun,
it would help global warming.

Despite missing two months to who knows what, things are back to 'normal', at least before the duo takes the year off due to someone breaking their back or something. And what better way to do that than to reminisce, both with the Co-Fruitcakes and other Listeners favorite moments on a forum thread. Even RD has forgotten a few moments during the show's history. This shows he's not a regular visitor of this here site which would have helped him out. And he would also know that our Beloved Founder (The Founder to my Premier as it were) [To my hired help? - Clarence][The Founder to my Premier to my Showstealer, as it were.] has helped summarize all their episodes. Go have a look. Trust me, it's better than this week, because nothing of note happens for the next 24 minutes, except for another Don anal story (is there any other kind?).

Blade spoils things by saying that Rowdy Roddy Piper (the ACTUAL legend and not just his legendary PSAs) will be appearing next episode. (:18)

Blade has found his favorite 'Nitro party' entry. (:22) He reads an '11th hour' letter sent in August.

And now you can end the show here if you like. (Mrs. Deal! Get Iggy on the phone!) This is because the rest of the show is just people calling in and messing around. If that sounds familiar...well it is, and we don't even get Global Internet's Greg or the Zombie to spice things up. I'm not necessarily going to take them to task for disobeying the Cornette Rule and repeat the same angle (or episode) only after seven years, and I know they were probably rushed for time to do something or risk wasting yet another fruitless week. But looking at this from a creative viewpoint as I always do, they should at least have made one thing different. Perhaps have Nate come back from the 'dead' and have him break Mike Check out of jail so he can call in randomly and threaten them with a Men Without Hats song or something. I'm expecting next year to be another clip show that would rival the infamous TNG episode Shades Of Grey in terms of nothing happening.

So this year we're essentially getting a WCR Roster roll call as various characters call in to fart around and have fun for some random reason.

And I wonder if I'm losing my mind sometimes.

:25 Pleasantries out of the way, let's get to the self-congratulatory circle jerking. Jim Ross calls to insult the two. Hey, that's my job! I didn't realize he was a newly recruited Co-Historian. He revisits his only video to read comments.

:34 One 'loan' bright spot arises with John Thomas, sight for sore ears. Blade 'thinks' about him. John's been hunting Brakestown down over lifetimes like a Highlander.

:42 The Honky Tonk Mailman gives a call, now the longest running Intercontinental champion TNA correspondent for doing fuck all while the show was hibernating, thank you very much. Matt Morgan's been un-injured six weeks ago. The new Zack Gowan stamp is made from Lego pieces.

Be afraid.

:52 Popeye calls in. He has his own website. Hilarity ensues.

:59 Nintendo John likes some Castlevania game, but hopefully not the one featuring that Bond villain and that guy who sounds like "Stewart Patrick".

:68 David Lee Roth calls in like he's some sort of frequent character now. Sadly his soundboard has no new lines from Runnin' With The Devil so he's not much help.

RD 'remembers' when Johnny Six hosted a show with Blade that one time, which is an excuse to draw a one-line joke even longer than it should. (:72) Are we sure this wasn't included in that April Fools show that one time? Or for that matter, aping Iggy's summations?

Blade's ex-girlfriend does not want to be on the show. I have no idea why. (:76)

:82 Chief Jay Strongbow.

:82 The Midnight Rose calls. He hung out with Blade who played a cripple in a movie. He temporarily gets possessed by Jim Ross again.

:90 Corporal Fagsher is still possessed by a car. Knowing he he's probably just censoring himself with his own car noises.

:94 Stubby does his shtick. He temporarily gets possessed by Jim Ross again.

:104 B.M. Punk is Chief Jay Strongbowed, as per usual.

:105 Satan confuses RD by 'rereading' Billy Graham's letter. I think he does it even more so by not having his music play while he originally did that. He actually congratulates them on their 'achievement', as he is wont to do.

:111 Sir Alec Heineken and Ellie are 'engaged'. He reads a 'poem'. He temporarily gets possessed by Jim Ross again.

:117 Mike Check gets his prison call. Finally, an actual celebrity! Now the show is picking up. Did he ever tell you about the time he was at Omaha's KFLU 102? He was John Cillin to Andy Rooney's Penny Simpson to host the Penny Cillin Show. [And of course the Curse strikes again, felling the man a fortnight later. - Future PB]

Blade does his Bill Cosby. (:127)

So too his Iron Mark Tyson.

:129 Stevie J shows how ad copy is SUPPOSED to be done. He and his Angry Marks Podcast co-host (Co-Fist?) congratulate the duo.

RD doesn't want to take any more chances and decides to end the show. I don't blame him.

Blade 'doesn't do haikus' on anniversary shows (yes you fucking do) so he sings instead. Mrs. Deal! Get that 80's era Casio keyboard!

$4.00 ($36.00 and The Price Is Right for $19.99)

196 A Medley of Musical Madness: May 20, 2011

85 minutes

Is it me, or is RD more attractive in a wig?

Blade is ill this week, but rather than sound like the Penguin like he normally does, this time he sounds almost drunk. He's also forcing himself not to be as crude as he normally is. RD has his WWE Niagara Falls...shirt on, and is reduced to answering questions on his Facebook wall. More shilling of this very site ensues. Blade wants he and RD to wear powdered wigs for their bicentennial 200th episode.

The Co-Fruitcakes finally have their new forum thanks to Sean Carless, the Craphole. (:09) Go look at it now, I'll wait. Hell, Clarence and I are mods over there. If you read this, say hi to us over there. We might give you an e-cookie or something. (I'm still going to be around the old site though, and you should check out the Freakin' Awesome Network if you have some spare time on your hands.)

RD is guessing that their sponsorship deal thingy with Global Internet is somewhat strenuous right now (it's like one of those cyclical graphs with the line going up and down in waves; right now the number is low) so he searches for a new sponsor to take their place. This week on the Sponsor Roulette (:16), we get promotional consideration from Hulk Hogan Vitamins (Blade can't hear the children on it properly), Lord Alfred for Mr. Freeze Freeze-a-bars (though thankfully without any bad puns being made), and Lord Alfred shillingreallyreallyreallyfastforhislifeforsomereasonfor Double Dragon 3.

:21 RD has to explain the Trip to the Grocery. White Castle is now accepting online orders. (What are they, Domino's?) RD has to explain White Castle with reference to Bob Griese. It's a fast food franchise. What more do you want to know? RD posts on the new forum for the first time.

:31 On Primetime Wrestling this week from WWE On Demand the Megapowers explode through a verbal debate with Rockin' Robin. Speaking of exploding the Ultimate Warrior is working on some music project with Steven Adler, formerly of Guns 'n' Roses (:36) Unless he's painting album covers while Adler does all the actual musical work I'm not buying it (literally or figuratively). I mean, Warrior would spend at least half an hour between songs rambling incoherently. This leads to the logical nostalgia of Rockin' Robin singing as well as the Warrior does on an average day.

The Big Nippled Vampire is appearing in a Smashing Pumpkins music video. Wait...the Pumpkins are still making music? And music videos??? It's probably just an excuse for Billy Corgan to hit on her. Hell, perhaps she's in the band now which would give him an excuse to do that. That wouldn't be more surprising than the news we actually get.

The Midnight Rose is to be back on TV, which gives RD an excuse to play Tony's Theme again. I look forward to the day they play Push it to the Limit and make me hallucinate I'm playing a Grand Theft Auto game with the radio progrem as part of the soundtrack. On that same track, the Rose's imaginary girl Maria is on a party tour at Baltimore, which is not to be confused with Baltimora and Tarzan Boy. The two randomly discuss Easter eggs that can be 'found' on their DVDs as a result. Or you could just save your money and look for them on YouTube.

Sad HorseTrolla: (:48) Blade missed seeing Mickie James, Becky Bayliss, and Betsey Russell in Detroit. It's almost becoming a habit of his. RD thinks Betsey doesn't have long for this world so Blade needs to fuck her as quickly as she can before she becomes known to be sick.

:55 You know the recording is taking too long when Blade's phone dies and he has to get a replacement. RD reads a question from Keil Williams (not to be confused with the band Keel) about Ric Flair, secretive Time Lord. (Why do you think he's still in the ring after all these years?)

:62 The Honky Tonk Mailman pays a visit. Hey, remember him? I sure don't. Sadly, in his hiatus between appearances he didn't bother to upgrade his Skype connection because it still keeps cutting out every now and then. According to him, Sting will appear in WWE...in February. You know, if they want more timely news they should get him to ship Express. He also has news about the Dark Journey $5 Priority stamp. It's apparently made in Soviet Russia because the stamp licks you. Jim Ross calls in to see if he can get one. (:68)

:69 The Co-Hosses waste time by going over Maxim's latest Hot 100 List. According to Blade's excited reading of her statement, Kelly Kelly is excited to chart the list at #82....ten spots below former Diva Stacy Keibler. That's so representative of the whole current Diva roster isn't it?

In case you were wondering (and you were probably weren't) about the irreverence of such Lists as these, the top spot at the list is taken by a Victoria's Secret lady who's currently replacing Megan Fox in the upcoming Transformers: Bark at the Moon. (At least, I think that's what the title is. Didn't we already see this in this year's Doctor Who series?) The lone silver lining for that movie: Leonard Nimoy is going to be voicing Sentinel Prime. (His second wife is a direct relative of Michael Bay. Plus as a last resort he could just send in repurposed clips of when he was in the first first movie as Galvatron.)

[Spoiler Alert? Judging from what happens with Prime in this movie maybe they should have just kept him as Galvatron and enticed more confused folks to see it. - Future PB]

Michael Hayes is now a wrestling manager. (:78) RD remembers his terrible theme song he had when he was with the Fabulous Freebirds. Wasn't it usually a rite of passage though those days to have your own awful theme song? It's most definitely nothing new. An 'invasion' is being planned for June 21st. The fact that they're randomly just dropping this news here at the end of the show without much explanation says wonders for what they think of it or what the turnout will become. So, don't hold your breath for anything to happen just yet.

You know what is even worse? Joanie Laurer is in TNA playing as Jeff Jarrett's lover.

Seventeen Syllables to expand on that:
Chyna the mistress.
Sorry, I'd rather bang Ar-
nold's fat ugly one.

Blade: "End the show now."

You have to be kidding me. Just 75 cents? ($18.75)

193 Phoned In: February 11, 2011

70 minutes

This is essentially the equivalent of a slow news day, so in inspiration from my predecessor's earlier writs let's just cut to the chase and not dally too much. You have more important things to attend to today rather than just reading this, I'm sure. [And here I thought I was the only one who phoned things in around here - Clarence]

RD lost his bet so he has to read submissions next time. Lesson learned: don't bet on the Pro Bowl.

This is a real poster made by Hollywood(?).
Update 3/17: Already on Netflix!

RD was lazy (actual excuse: he was away for business), so in lieu of writing something for the site he has his first premeditated/premonitioned/prehumous/future induct of The Chaperone, literally copied from a post of forum member Bone Machine of F4WOnline (presumably with his permission of course.)

[Update 2/20: Apparently the movie did so bad it didn't even chart on the weekend's box office results.]

[Update to the Update 3/1: Apparently the film grossed less money than the asking price on a used Plymouth Horizon, but that's 'OK' because it allows Wal-Mart to sell their DVDs...] 

:13 Someone is auctioning a UWF/Mid-South ring. (Standing price at time of writing: $3700) Jim Ross is not happy.  Or perhaps he's not happy at The Chaperone? Or perhaps he wants to make his own Clerks movie? Or perhaps he wants to slap a Jap? He makes no sense. (This is a habit of his.)

:24 RD went back to the Netherlands for business and had strange Doritos flavors - Cool American, Japanese Teriyaki, BBQ Ham. His review of "The Mexican" Restaurant - terrible food at a terrible price. Blade's horrible John Travolta impression tries some Pizza Supreme Doritos. He does not like them.

:36 Hulk Hogan is reduced to shilling some cleaning product. You can use it to remove blood stains from your shirt, so keep that in mind the next time you plan to murder someone.

Sad News: Matt Hardy's new girlfriend is that Giants girl. Blade is not afraid.

The Midnight Rose and Mr. Fitness (2) will be in a benefit appearance in Topeka.

Question (:47): Derek Quinn of the Powerhouse of Sound DJ Service remembers the 10 Year anniversary of Big Show beating RD up that one time.

:51 As expected the Mailman isn't here (he was caught in the snow). He did however deliver the news on Blade's 'answering machine', which has Kevin Nash leaving TNA for WWE again...more than three weeks ago. They're also selling Virgil's stamp, which is larger than normal due to his penis. The message 'cuts' off just before he can tell a fanfic-style story of said penis. That's Alec's gimmick, you know.

:57 The 40-man Royal Rumble was no good, so much so that some caller named "Stu Hart", apparently back from the dead, calls out his son Smith. Popeye likes what he hears. "What has this show become?" RD asks. "How?" Chief Jay calls in response.

Apologize with Seventeen Syllables:
Chief Jay, Honky, Stu,
Gay Popeye too: this show sucks.
Why do you listen?

$5.25 (Total: $17.50)

192 Ready to Royal Rumble: January 28, 2011

90 minutes

Blade was in an actual recording studio the other day. Presumably he had to wear pants while doing so.

The duo spend some time talking about/advertising this very site. I feel like a third/fourth sponsor now. I should get Clarence to send them some ad copy that RD would butcher while trying to read it. [Wrestlecrapradio.com: From Fantasy Booking Island to RD's Dream Analysis and all the crap in between. Every Wrestlecrap Radio archived and dissected for your entertainment. Plus Random Thoughts on Wrestling from THE Clarence Mason....or at least someone who plays him as a gimmick. It's the Crapipedia of the Internetz. Wrestlecrapradio.com. Yes it really IS taken (I really should write these more often) - Clarence]

The 2010 Gooker has been decided, and it is TNA's first: The New Monday Night Wars. Boy, that sure went well while it lasted, huh? Blade wanted Abyss and his Green Lantern ring and RD cheated by mentioning nominee Orlando Jordon in his writing.

There's talk of numbers in the upcoming Royal Rumble. RD wants defeated combatants to return to the ring but disguised in masks. But would the show handle itself well against the ratings powerhouse that is...the Pro Bowl? Here's a thought: combine the two outings: Have all the football players fight against each other in a wrestling ring. The winner gets the opportunity to be exempt from the next Pro Bowl.

RD (on Blade's 'soberness' at first): "You're doing good. I'm waiting for you to fall off the wagon."

:20 The show is "very amateurish". RD discovers Asian Helper, of the Helper genre of foods. Blade dreamed he met a still alive Tupac Shakur working in a fast food outlet. I bet RD would have dreamed about the Notorious BIG instead.

:24 Sid Vicious was arrested for marijuana possession. This of course logically leads to discussion about Spiderman and how Don once made fun of a comic book for some reason. Lizzie Valentine/Kandi Kisses turns down WWE. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing.

Jillian Hall Tiffany and Maria want some sort of Divamania tour that is sure to bring fans by the...tens. RD reads their announcement about it very precisely. Then he does it in his Jeff Foxworthy voice.  Midnight Rose and Mr. Fitness (losing the #2 sadly) were wrestling in Ottawa, Kansas. Popeye is interested. (:50)

Kurt Angle is a father again. In true celebrity fashion he has given his child a very strange name. RD should volunteer to be the babysitter so he can lull the child to sleep talking about Angle's moveset.

:55 Statement Of The Week: Adam W. of Facebook alerts the two on someone named 'Johnny C' disapproving of The Death Of WCW, somewhere around here. Blade disapproves of the disapproving by not even answering the guy's claims. RD has a more coherent and logical response to add to that.

Timeout real quick.

(I've always wanted to say write that.)

As much as Mr. Brakestown is a fine young egg (perhaps a pickled fine young egg from all the liquor he consumes), he really doesn't handle the essence of trolling, which is basically all that their critic is doing. (I think Chris Engler needs to send him a TrollTrolla to teach him what trolling is all about.) What he thinks he sees is some guy who, while he is definitely allowed his own opinion on whatever he wants (it's his right after all), is someone with actual power that has a physical affect on the world.

What Blade thinks he sees in an average troll: Not Big Daddy V as himself, but an Armored Troll threatening Aragorn at the Battle of the Black Gate in The Lord Of The Rings: The Return of The King. And by the way? Viggo Mortensen is ALSO a large fan of the Canadiens, which amuses me to no end.

But this is what he's actually seeing:

A troll doll. Note the intimidating stance, brutal viciousness, and evil glint in its visage.
Ignore its attempt to be a wizard. (Pink-Hair the Blue?)

...Not exactly the same thing. It would be like thinking of a cute Persian cat as an angry Siberian tiger. They MAY be related somehow, but they're not exactly the same thing.

And now you know. And knowledge is power. Guard it well.

[Also Scott if for some reason you're reading this since the site has since transformed into a Blog of DOOM, we should pit our Animal Crossing islands against one another. The loser has to buy Blade one of those troll dolls. - Future PB]

This, by the way, is also perhaps the longest they've ever answered a Question/Statement on the show. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing either.

:64 Blade's TNA mailman finally shows up to bad MIDI music. He calls himself The Honky Tonk Mailman. Wait...are we sure it's not John Kelly back from the dead? He steals people's Observers for his news reporting. He thus read-tells us about 88 year old Hogan's 'upcoming' marriage which will last two months. There's also some Pistol Pez Whatley stamp which is sure to be of more worth than anything Hulk is doing these days. (And should he get a big profit from the stamp he should use it to pay for a better Skype connection which breaks up from time to time.) Then he leaves for his Pink Cadillac, Thank you very much.

[On a personal note, I keep thinking of my fellow Forum friend (and friend of the Habitant, but not one of the Twelve) Darth Alexander, who uses the Honky Tonk Man as his avatar. I'll never think of one without thinking of the other, and vice versa.]

:75 The Royal Rumble returns to rear its roughened rump at us. RD wants Yoshi Tatsu to win. Blade wants Roddy Piper. There's some very confusing discussion about their Pro Bowl Bet thing. RD: "I would be senile if I told you you were not a drunk."

DDP is hosting Nitro DVDs. Bobby Heenan has his own DVD where everyone think he's dead (an in advance tribute DVD perhaps?).

Seventeen Syllablyastic Thoughts:

TNA Gooker.

Biggest award they have won.

Dixie must be proud.

Blade owes $3.00 ($12.25)

The Honky Tonk Mailman

He's cool, he's cocky, he's
only working on weekdays.

The Honky Tonk Mailman is who you would expect if an alternate reality Wayne Farris was a postman instead of an Elvis impersonator. One has to wonder though why the man would currently make ends meet as Blade's personal mailman. His first appearance was on January 28, 2011.

• His news was always out of date, in accordance to the mail always taking so long to arrive, get it??? Which makes no sense - until we find a way to teleport physical items instantaneously from place to place, we'll have to deal with this sort of slowness for the time being.
• He also had information on various wrestling stamps for your amusement.
• Drove with Peggy Sue and the Colonel in his Pink Cadillac, which I don't think fits to standard code. Where would he have space for all his letters to deliver?
• Wass good friends with the Midnight Rose.
• Once held the title as the longest reigning (and most gracious) TNA Correspondent in WCR History at a record 526 days, when his job was retired on WCR's finale on July 7, 2012.
• His tenure as TNA Correspondent beat "The Honky Tonk Man's" Intercontinental Title record of 454 days.
• He's cool, he's cocky, he's bringing you mail.
• You're a beautiful audience.
• Thank you very much.