RD: The Vault (The Lost "What The Hell?!?" Column)

(Hey guys, Raging_Demons again.  Over here in the U.S. we're about to celebrate a holiday called Memorial Day.  I don't know what that holiday means to anybody but to me right now that means a 3-Day Weekend!  So while I rest and recover from working my sore feet to the bone so I've got a treat for you.  I'm accessing my "Vault" to bring you a lost column which was supposed to be online about a year ago.  I couldn't get it online because at the time I was going through one HELL of a bad schedule. Let me just say that Corporate Accounting, work, & writing are NOT recommended at all.  This is a lost "What The Hell?!?" that was aimed at Matt Hardy being a giant moron in August 2011.

I'm sure you all remember it?  Matt Hardy goes nuts on YouTube, tries to fake his death, gets in trouble with the police, yadda-yadda-yadda.  It's like the Series Finale of "House" without Hugh Laurie!  Since then Matt's mostly an Indy Wrestler now doing part-time jobs while posting nude pics of himself and his girlfriend Reby Sky together and yes, that did happen!  So enjoy this piece of nostalgia while I get myself buried in stripper crotches.

Hey guys. Remember me?

The guy who apparently…oh I don’t know…pissed off The Internet? Well there is a really big reason why I haven’t posted a column in awhile and it’s called Real Life. Not kidding. My job wanted me to cover just about everybody for the month of August alone! I was the backup so I was working basically 6-7 days a week and what day offs I do get I had to spend it in school trying to pass this really pain in the class that I’ve been complaining about on Twitter for basically 2 months now. Let me tell you, it was brutal! I had to learn such concepts as “ABC Costing”, “Variable Costing” and the FUN concepts of “Debt Ratios!” FUN I SAY!

So the rebuttal column you all are expecting over the “controversial” version of my previous “What The Hell?!?” is going to be put on hold for now. Why? Well when I was too busy busting my ass at work or trying to get a barely passing grade at the College Class from Hell I noticed something. Boy, there had been a lot of stupidity in pro wrestling in the month of August alone?!? A lot!

Getting to all this stupidity by screaming out “What The Hell!?!” could tire a guy out so I did plan a special “Face Palm Edition” of the “What The Hell?!?” column. Then something happened around the end of August. Apparently this ONE GUY wanted my attention. This one guy wanted not only my attention but the attention of the world when he pulled something as stupid as writing a fake suicide. Something so bad that it made me do the following:

  Yeah this act was so bad I have to say…

MATT HARDY! What The He…No, What The Fu, No…I…I…Wow!

I was going to write something about how Daffney got arrested for a DWI or how Jeff Hardy’s - a guy who’s still trying to fight off charges for Drug Trafficking while trying to live over the debacle that was his match versus Sting at TNA’s “Victory Road” earlier this year - mentioned that he’s coming back to TNA. Somehow or somewhere Matt Hardy amassed so much stupidity in the month of August alone that’s quite simply and literally impossible to comprehend! What did Matt Hardy do to obtain this much shock & awe that comes from me?

Let’s start at what he did in August. Earlier in the month Matt Hardy got pulled over in his car and got charged for “Driving While Intoxicated”, a DWI, which means Matt Hardy was driving drunk. Driving a car while drunk is stupid enough.

Afterwards, TNA - the promotion that Matt Hardy was working for while under a suspension for arriving late to matches AND having a YouTube video up of Matt and brother Jeff trying to use a taser on Matt’s girlfriend “Lucha Libre USA” star/model Reby Sky - fired him for the DWI.

Now if you’re a typical, normal, sane man [I'm sure not - PB] you would try to hide from this, or if you’re Kim Khardasian or any fame whore you would exploit the situation. Matt Hardy decided to take the second option by taking it to YouTube and making parody videos of the whole situation while mentioning in another YouTube video that it’s “time for a change” (once again) as he talks about his own personal “rebirth”. And by “rebirth” it wasn't a reference to being a born-again Christian! Don’t worry, this reference has a point. Trust me.

THEN, THEN! Matt Hardy decides to go on a whole other level and decided to post the following YouTube video (I’ll write down what it said):

"Goodbye, World...
My time here is almost complete...
I only have a few hours and minutes...
I loved you all...
Regardless of how you felt about me...
I'll miss you all...
September 23, 1974 - August 31, 2011"


Police soon came to The Hardy’s home, (Matt & Jeff’s home), after being notified by at least 30 people and they found out this was all a scam. Not only was it a scam but Jeff's wife Beth, took to Twitter to say the following:

Beth Britt-Hardy: “When the cops show up to our house at 11 pm, for a "suicide call" the f***ing joke is over @MATTHARDYBRAND [Matt Hardy’s Twitter Account]. Stop trying to work the Internet

Beth Britt-Hardy: “I guess you got what you wanted @MATTHARDYBRAND. Everyone is talking about you, again. But it's not in a good way.

After that big mess YouTube decided to pull the video while fans on various Public Forums wanted to declare a ban on all Matt Hardy news. 

On the other side of things Matt Hardy not only declared his “rebirth” he posted another YouTube video apologizing for his “fake suicide” video and made more revelations saying that he can no longer be a full-time pro wrestler.

I have, along with a lot of pro wrestling fans, had big problems over Matt’s antics!

First of all, Matt’s been a major addict on the Social Networks for YEARS! Ever since the days of MySpace Matt has been so connected to the point of ridiculousness, and some pro wrestling writers think that Matt's TOO connected to Social Networks too much that it cost him a main-event push which eventually went to his brother Jeff. The fact can be said when Matt used YouTube to post videos that badmouthed WWE to a point that they had it with him so they fired his ass pretty quick. With The Internet you do try to put a positive spin about yourself. Matt did that all too well to a point that he fell to one of the oldest things that pro wrestlers can do, which is become a fan of themselves all too much.

The second reason that made Matt Hardy into what he is actually ties into the first reason and completes the argument; that is the hype itself that needs to support Matt - a.k.a. the almighty dollar! Think about it. In Matt’s profession he needs actual physical bodies to come to his show, and if they show up he makes money. Quite similar to how comedians and musicians work. If you can build up enough hype then you can get people to show up to buy tickets and if they buy tickets you get money. Simplest concept out there, everybody does it. Maybe Matt was thinking “Well, if I do this rebirth deal maybe I can get more people to come and support me since I just lost my job and I needs da money! I NEEDS IT!”

Unfortunately for Matt when you add the stress of losing your job and recently receiving a DWI it tends to put stress on a guy, and with that stress equals leading to a man that quite possibly may not be thinking right. When a man is not thinking right he may go to places that nobody will ever go which could include faking one’s own suicide in order to grab some attention.

The final reason I personally think that could had made Matt into the nut job that he was could’ve been tracked to, well at least I think, down to ONE person.


Matt Hardy losing Lita to Edge in real life due to injury PROBABLY was the match that lit the fire that started all of this. That lead to Matt being fired from WWE for the first time for slashing Edge's tires on his rental car, but he was brought back thanks to US THE FANS with his "I Will Not DIE!" internet rant. I thought all the time JBL, who was the Smackdown Color Commentator at the time, was on TV hazing Matt was his on-screen heel character. Yet after all this time JBL was right, which was the only thing Matt Hardy ever had was him complaining that he lost Lita to Edge was the only thing that made him look good. That was the only thing Matt had we the fans could relate to.

While Jeff Hardy went on to bigger and better things by destroying his body to get World Title runs, Matt was stuck in Mid-Card hell. Of course Matt finally got a World Title run of his own in the form of the ECW World Title but Jeff outranked him with his numerous World Heavyweight Title matches. Jeff moved on to TNA after his personal demons/drug problems caught up with him in WWE. TNA worked with him before and even thought they dealt with Jeff's BS, his name was still huge and they needed him for ratings! While Matt was still stuck in Midcard Hell and saw how Jeff was successful, Matt knew that he wasn't going to go nowhere in WWE and decided to screw them over big time so he can get out of his WWE contract. Not the case when Jeff gets indefinitely suspended for the mess that is the main event in Victory Road early this year, Matt's still riding the Main Event push a little bit by being with "Immortal", but thanks to Matt doing the one thing employers HATE (being late and showing up whenever he liked) PLUS that "Let's tase a hot chick named Reby Sky" YouTube video because IMO if that "Don't Tase me Bro!" video was a hit then why not tasing Reby Sky?!? That'll work!

That got Matt suspended.

Matt was legitimately pissed when Lita dumped him and found some sort of empathy in the IWC for feeling the pain he was in, which he used to get a main event push. But when fans everywhere got tired of Matt's story of heartbreak he tried to re-capture that magic, like that time on "The Simpsons" when Homer tried to re-capture his fame when he bowled a Perfect Game of Bowling, but couldn't. It added to that he got, in my personal opinion, EXTREMELY jealous of Jeff when he became a huge main-event star! Jeff moved on and Matt got pissed because no Jeff = no push. Matt wanted to be near Jeff so he can get that push again but he was stuck in WWE Midcard hell. So he was doing whatever it takes to be near Jeff's success so he screwed himself over just to be near him again and do whatever it takes to give his career the boost that he wanted. Sometimes it can be a woman that can literally screw a guy over so much that even thought what she did MIGHT be considered normal he just can’t get over the fact that he was dumped for another guy.

What we’re looking at here dear readers is a real-time “Rise & Fall” of a pro wrestler in these modern times. Here we see a man that, quoting Matt himself, needed “one more attention grabber”. A guy that has won numerous Tag Team Titles on a national level with the only singles titles he ever won were second-to-third tier titles like the Cruiserweight Title & the U.S. Title with wrestling fans putting the ECW World Title (under WWE control at the time) to be near nothing. Here we see a man that is pretty much overshadowed by his younger brother’s much more successful career and his own personal problems that he has to deal with as well. While Jeff still has a job in TNA and is trying to make things right we see Matt taking a downward spiral while still trying to be relevant and when he’s caught on it he still tries to spin it around to make himself look normal when normalcy around this man couldn’t be more farther than the actual truth itself! We see someone that’s quite sad and pathetic, and in the world of pro wrestling where stories of pro wrestlers experiencing new lows can be read and seen in the forms of Scott Hall or Shane Douglas; Matt Hardy wrote a new version of it to a point where it can even disgust and repulse fans! And let me tell you that is damn impressive honestly speaking here. I hope Matt Hardy gets the help that he needs and if he doesn’t need any help, well...there’s a special place in hell for the man.

With Matt’s fake suicide there has been talk in various online public forums about banning all Matt Hardy related news I decided to join in. Starting from this column there will be no more Matt Hardy mentions from yours truly here or at “The Original WWF Fan Club”. Also if you were at one time “following/friending/subscribing” Matt Hardy on whatever online Social/Video Networks I recommend to stop following him. Matt needs to learn that his actions do have a consequence and resorting to something this low as suicide is quite distasteful. To counteract Matt’s actions go here for a few seconds.

Until next time...

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