Episode 53: Holy Fratricide!: August 14, 2022

The Devil's Fingers
October 26, 1966
"Chandell, the musical virtuoso, visits Gotham City for a piano concert. But unknown to the public, Chandell is being blackmailed into a life of crime by his twin brother Harry, who retains most of the profits. Chandell intends to buy off Harry forever, and he knows just where to get the funds - from the Wayne family fortune. With Batman and Robin out of town, he suspects the robbery will be a piece of cake. However, Batman has been listening to Chandell's concert remotely, and after detecting an anomalous chord, summons Robin back to Wayne Manor to investigate."
47 minutes

RD: Knows Nothing About Liberace. Mike Check would disapprove. However I will cut him some slack since he's doing this while lightly afflicted with Covid. Sadly he does not Penguin laugh, so perhaps he will need some slack back.

Also Sad News: Disco Inferno didn't know about Cheatum either.

Also Also: YouTube gave Vince a strike for "spam" for the actual name of Cheatum. RD: "You shouldn't have listened to me." Vince is awaiting their return to sort out the issue. RD: "They haven't kicked me off Vimeo yet."

:08 A "peaceful evening" at Stately Wayne Manor of a piano rehearsal has bra-ed Aunt Harriet talking to the pianist named Chandell, who compliments her "voice of a nightingale". Alfred being a man of culture of course gushes all about him. 

Vince tried to envision Liberace without his hairpiece.

Suddenly "a sexy trio of bagpipers" (RD) / "three female pied pipers" (Vince) enter the room. Chandell: "You fiendish figments of the imagination! What's the meaning of this?" They demand jewelry "due to your budding music...wheree'er you perform". They then knock them out with gas normal playing of their bagpipes.

Cut to - Stately Wayne Manor. The Undynamic Duo are questioning Harriet who fears when the Dynamic Duo will return. Bruce is with his hunting club while Dick is on school holiday. Gordon goes to call Batman through his office, not noticing Alfred answering from the study that he is unavailable.

Gordon: "Do you know what this means? The moment we've dreaded for years has arrived: this time... we're going to have to solve a case...ourselves." 

After the titles we cut to the Batcave where everything is covered while somber music plays. 

Cut to Gordon's office where he and O'Hara question Chandell on who would know what he was up to. (:17) He tells them it's in the society pages, which for sure neither "police officer" would ever read.
Chandell: "Now, are you going to call Batman, or do I have to call him myself... [he points to the Batphone] ...on that famous hotline I've read so much about?"
Instead O'Hara orders all the cops in the city to drop whatever they are doing to protect his concert, offending the musician to no end.
Chandell: "Good day sir...but will it be a good night?"
Gordon: "I'm frightened, Chief O'Hara. An echo haunts my ears. I wish I could hear the noblest, most inspiring words in the English language: "To the Batmobile Robin, let's go!""

Our lair is in the Parnassus Music Roll Company, where Chandell is in fact an "infamous criminal genius", with the trio - Doe, Rae, and Mimi - in silver outfits. He declares the initial infiltration of the Manor a success before Harry, his actual evil twin brother, comes in on a splitscreen. Harry is blackmailing his twin for 95% of the profits, but Chandell is willing to do one last job by stealing $5 million from Wayne. Liberace had not really acted before this (as anyone who had to sit through Sincerely Yours could tell you), but (like Elvis) he did have a stillborn twin. 

The police protection includes fingerprints, sandbags, and machine gun encampments around the venue. (:22)
Gordon: "There's a certain undefinable clumsiness to our procedures."
Alfred: "How very gauche, if I do say so!"

Also the trio are outside as impressive looking belly dancers.

Thankfully Bruce is not totally separated from the city he is sworn to protect. In what would definitely be in character for him today, he is able to listen in from his camping tent. He notices an oddly placed C-minor chord. He asks his chum to check on their muskrat traps.
Meanwhile Dick is at a soda shop getting lost in a young lady's eyes.
Dick: "Gee, Sal!"
Sally: "Gosh, Dick!"
Dick: "That about says everything, doesn't it?"
Sally: "Mmmhmmm."
His cockblock is his ringing book phone so he manages to get Sally away for a moment while he talks to Bruce on his fishing pole phone. Cue the saddest face Dick can muster as the Duo have to go do their job.

At the concert Gordon is informed that a Burmese import company was exploded as Chandell played a "Burmese number".
Gordon (pleading to the sky): "Batman, Batman where the devil are you in this hour of need?"

The Duo have returned to the Manor. Alfred is there by himself since Harriet is still at the concert. Or to be more specific, his dressing room.
Dick: "This isn't good. Chandell's a ladies' man!"
Bruce: "Really, Dick? I'm afraid some romantic interlude has fevered your imagination. Your Aunt Harriet is utterly above reproach."
Before they can descend the Batpoles they see the trio fleetingly outside the window. Bruce decides to go down after a moment without closing the curtains first.
Dick: "Holy apparition!"

Alfred: "Your deep excursion into the wilderness has sharpened your mind."
Bruce: "Gordon will be alertly marshaling all the forces of law and order."
Smash cut to Gordon with a desk full of drugs. The Batphone rings.
Gordon: "GASP! Batman! Batman! The answer to a policeman's prayers!"
He tells Bonnie to notify Chandell that the Duo are operational again.

Of course Chandell is not happy to hear it. He gives a smitten Aunt Harriet root beer and kisses her hand, almost making her sob (or wet somewhere else on the body).
Vince: The size of her caboose."
RD: "She's a large lady."
As soon as she leaves in ecstasy he rolls his eyes. He quickly consults Harry in the lair on what to do about the Duo. (:34) Harry decides to send for his own henchmen, the Piano Movers. 

Chandell hits himself with a bottle just before the Duo arrive.
Batman: "The poor devil, he's been assaulted with a root beer bottle!"
Robin: "Holy fratricide!"
He revives him with smelling salts.
Chandell: "Heavenly days, am I dreaming?"
Batman: "No, it's us in the flesh."
Chandell tells them this is Harry's doing, and gives them the lair's address with a zip code of 9999979. The code, besides being too long, also puts it on the western US, contrary to - again - Gotham City being traditionally in the east/New Jersey. 

The Duo find the "felonious phantoms" are already at the lair.
Batman: "From the looks in their eyes, I think they're victims of some kind of criminal hypnotism."
The Movers then appear, starting a "humorous" fight with their stunt doubles while the women try to distract them. Then Harry drops a giant roll of player piano music on their heads to knock them out.

Cue the stunt doubles tied onto conveyor belts.
RD: "It's in Adam West's contract, I think, that if he's going horizontal he has to have a lady with him. Otherwise it's a stunt double."
They're about to be fed into a cutting machine to be made into piano player music.
Harry: "Farewell, costumed clowns!"
He then puts a dime into the piano to start it up.
"And now: exit music for a pair of bats!"

Narrator: "How will this music end? Tune in tomorrow for the dire dreadful dirge!"

For some reason the Batmobile's start button was spinning in the credits instead of the logo. (:38)

RD is able to do more frequent things for the site instead of having to devote time and energy to a radio progrem with an unreliable co-host. One is about the Skyscrapers destroying the Ding Dongs. Another is about trivia from the WWF Magazine that Vince did not yet write about. 

RD: "Pen names are wonderful, says RD Reynolds."

  • Special Guest Villain: Harry (Liberace)

  • Screen Captures: 1. RD

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