134 The Incredible Shane: January 30, 2009

77 minutes

The votes are in, and the 2008 Gooker goes to your friend (but not mine) Mike Adamle. While it's certainly a welcome addition to the anal canal of WC, I feel the Million Dollar Mania was left out and is something that should also be given its due. This compels me to keep a track of how many days it will take until that terrible angle gets an induction of its own on the site. I trust Iggy can help me keep track of the tally too? [Sort of. It's more of a Countup. —Iggy]

250 days as of October 3, 2009

The brutal attack on Vince McMahon by Randy Orton has enraged son Shane, making him eviscerate everyone in his path on RAW. But enough of that, let's watch some part of some random match with Blade's FYBA outdoor ring! Although I have to admit the match is more exciting than your average TNA showing (and has a larger crowd too).

While the MegaTrolla is still MIA the TrollaCorp has a way to communicate with it using a Motorola DynaTAC 8000X stored in the thing's mechanical penis. (:08) Hey, it IS "Yesterday's Technology at Today's Prices", you can't complain about truth in advertising. RD also has some Shane-O-Trolla (:10) to help track Shane's rampage, and the thing is shaped as a giant closed fist like the angrymarks.com logo. Blade wants it to fist RD, though I'd prefer it to summon Shane into the show like the Candyman and teach these two a lesson.

RD remembers his first TRIP to the library and his Get In The Ring interview. (:17) Blade will also auction a related GITR book if all goes well. RD's TRIP was to his nearby KFC (:20) where he had a 'Stoner' Bowl. [Cheese AND gravy!? —Iggy]

The Shane-O-Trolla activates, its music humoring Blade. (:25) (It's Thin Lizzy's Fighting My Way Back) The thing 'opens up' revealing a screen in its open palm, which is certainly something neat. (but definitely not in the past. Is this actually a product from the Trolla of the Mirror Universe?) Somewhere at a Circle K in Poughkeepsie, New York, bad clerk voice RD annoys Shane, and his theme music beats him up. Where's Rorschach when you need him? RD prepares to make a 'report' for the 'cops'. Make an extra one for Congressman Waxman too while you're at it.

Obscure Wrestling NEWS (:29) is derailed by the Superbowl. Blade is rooting for the Arizona Cardinals, but he's also a fan of the St. Louis (other) Cardinals and Cleveland Browns.

(As for Farmer and I, we've made another friendly bet on the outcome; Iggy has the Steelers by 7, while I in return have the Cardinals. The loser has to watch and review the Royal Rumble '95.)

Our old friend Ashley Massaro is in some random party in Tampa Bay with Kelly Kelly and some other 'celebrities' (:32) RD likens her to Steve Lombardi which is an insult to Steve Lombardi. The producers behind WSX want to revive GLOW (:39).

The Shane-O-Trolla opens again. (:42) This time he's in an Arby's drive-thru and beats Blade with his theme music for failing to give him his beef and cheddar. Wow, he gets everywhere! He must have a TARDIS or similar time machine secretly stowed in his vehicle.

The HorseTrolla lifts the tail (:44) with good news for Blade; Mickie James is in an adult film. Hit the required music! (The NSFW link can be found here)

RD considers once again giving prizes for the Question of the Week. (:51) This week's man Frank S is a former employee of Circuit City who has plans for his TRIP to the Unemployment Line to be a new segment for the show. Bring him on, I say, he's got to be better than what we have now.

RD makes a call to MegaTrolla's antenna. (:55) The Decepticon is looking for the Allspark in Poughkeepsie. Sensing the opportunity to send him on a collision course with Shane, Emperor Braxton issues Order 66 to eliminate him. I'm sure nothing will go wrong there.

Current Wrestling News (:58) consists solely of further talk of The Wrestler. Marisa Tomei should wrestle as a Diva instead of Mickey Rourke (preferably not as a Diva). Blade saw the movie and greatly enjoyed it. There's discussion concerning the will he/won't he status of Rourke's Wrestlemania appearance. Blade gets a third strike and is outed for saying Sean Penn won an Oscar for playing a comically awful retarded man in the awful I Am Sam (he won for being 'normal' in Mystic River). I'm glad they mentioned Shanghai Surprise though. Blade does a bad Spicoli and wants Penn to have sex with a man. Now that's what I call method acting.

As expected the Shane-O-Trolla starts up (:68) and Shane's theme music defeats MegaTrolla with some bad special effects. Whoever didn't see that one coming...We mourn our first TNA casualty of the year for a full minute. (These TNA guys are like Harry Potter's Defense of the Dark Arts teachers, always being replaced each book/year.) But wait, is he still alive...? [I may have heard, "I smell Funyuns." —Iggy]

AC/DC is to play at Wrestlemania.

Seventeen Syllables featuring the worst AC/DC impression you'll ever hear in your life (in normal voice):
Oooh! AC/DC.
Guess Vince loves Angus Young now.
Poor Billy Gibbons.

1 comment:

Premier Blah said...

About the Shane-O-Trolla looking like the Angry Marks thing I wanted to be MORE obscure - it reminded me of a short story by Borges, "The Mirror Of Ink" where an imprisoned sorcerer entraps his captor by visions seen in a pool of ink in his cupped palm. After some fortunate visions the captor sees his own execution and promptly dies. It's a good story from one of my favorite authors.