Angry Jim's Mailbag #2: WCR Slobberknocker (July 26, 2012)

(Disclaimer: This was obviously not written by WWE's Jim Ross & is not intended as an insult to him (so please don't sue us). "Angry Jim" is a fictional character based on a Wrestlecrap Radio parody.)

(Disclaimer Disclaimer: The views expressed by Angry Jim are his own & do not reflect the opinions of

(Disclaimer Disclaimer Disclaimer: Despite being a rather...strange man, he's been rather helpful in self-censoring himself. Say what you want about him, but he IS still a WWE employee after all. At least, he is this week. - PB)

How ya doin' tonight nerds!

My first "Mailbag" was written just before the last Wrestlecrap Radio aired and haven’t commented on it, since unlike that f** Bischoff, I don’t give away spoilers! I’d just like to take this time to say to Deal and Blade...Go eat a d***! I’m glad your show ended! It was the worst podcast in the history of the Internet! And I don’t give a s*** that I'm banned from Blade’s new show! Go **** yourselves!

And another thing! You nerds better stop sending me tweets about me ****ing Gay Popeye! I'm a happily married man...well at least the "married" part is right!

Now, on to answering your ****ing questions!

Reed Stomuch asks: Jim. If you were in your car while the last Wrestlecrap Radio was being taped, then how did you actually see & commentate the ending?

You ****ing nerds really nitpick on details don’t ya!

After I hung up my new cell phone, I stole a leather jacket from a drunken hobo outside, took off my pants and told security at the door that I was Blade Braxton (I also colored my beard as you saw on TV)! Fortunately those dumb****s believed me and let me in! I got there just as it was ending and "BY GAWD" my announcing instincts kicked in as Blade super-kicked Deal! The Ratings Reaper saved me the trouble of giving those two b***hes one final slobberknocker!

Christian Ledger asks: I read on the Internet that you started yelling obscenities at school kids after experiencing technical difficulties during a talk at a High School? Is this true?

That article about me was a load of b*** s***! I never used words like the ones it described! I never said to those kids to “Believe in yourself”! I said “Go **** yourselves!” I then tried to tell the youngings about the realities of life…that it sucks, you work hard, your wife won’t **** you anymore, and then you die! Then the b******s tried to cut my microphone! I so told those incompetent a**holes to go **** themselves and left!

(R.V.M Kai’s edit: Jim! That wasn’t appropriate!)

Nicholas Slater asks: Jim, you wrote in your last mailbag that you gave Steve Austin the “Rattlesnake” name? In what other ways have you helped his career?

Well remember when Steve had that s****y Ringmaster gimmick?! It was my idea for him to become a character called "Angry Steve"; an angry redneck that kicks ass and uses profanity! He toned it down and became "Stone Cold"!

Also on the night of “King of The Ring 96”, Steve needed to come up with a catchphrase and asked me for one! I told him how about: “Austin 3:16 says to go **** yourself!” But he thought that idea wouldn’t sit well with Vince, so he changed some of the words! I still like mine better, but the sum b***h made a **** load of money with his, so what the **** do I know?!

Greg Diener asks: When do you think the last time with your wife was? Have you at least tried to have sex with your wife lately?

I think it was around Labor Day...2008...or was it 2007? I don't ****ing remember! And yes! I even tried some kinky stuff like; pushing our two beds together, dyeing my beard, and wearing nothing but my hat and some BBQ sauce (it works better than KY Jelly!)! But no luck!

But there was that one time when she wanted me to wear a paper bag on my head and talk in a raspy voice! I told her to go **** herself...and she did that instead...again!!

"Satan" asks: Jim! The dark lord wants to possess your soul for an evil favor…….Would you be able to fix my ceiling? There’s been a leak in it for weeks & the man still hasn’t come around to fix it. Thanks Jim, and worship the devil!

Fix it your ****ing self you p***y! The only thing you need to "possess" is a pair of balls! A man who can’t handle his own tools is not a real man! Oh, and worship my ass!

CenasWordLife asks: You, Gay Jim?

No!!! Enough with the gay jokes Cena! That's not very PG! And neither is this….Go **** yourself!

To view previous Mailbags go here. To send Angry Jim a REAL question or complaint (but not spam concerning penis enlargements...which Jim doesn't need apparently) you can Tweet him here.

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