WWE Total Divas Recap Episode 2: I LIED!!!!!!!

Previously on "WWE Total Divas"...

WWE Total Divas entrance of relative (RD: but thankful) shortness!

Episode 2: “A Tango with Fandango” or “I LIED!!!!!”

The NXT Divas sneak from backstage to be a part of the audience at a RAW event just in time to see Fandango make his entrance, Eva Marie says that seeing Fandango dance with a different girl every week makes her think that she can do it too. (RD: This was before Summer Rae became Fandango’s regular “dancing partner”.) Eva Marie sees being Fandango’s dancing partner a chance to be on the RAW roster. While Fandango is wrestling against R-Truth; Naomi sees Cameron scavenging through her wardrobe with nothing to wear. Cameron finds her Wrestlemania wardrobe & rather not talk about it. Cameron suggests they change seamstresses from Sandra, the one that makes The Funkadactyl outfits regularly, to a different seamstress on the WWE roster. Naomi tries to plead to Cameron sticking to Sandra for loyalty but Cameron says every time Sandra makes an outfit it’s either last minute or they get screwed over. If things go bad with Sandra Naomi wants to shift all the blame to Cameron.

MEANWHILE The Bellas are doing a coffee run backstage & they suggest doing their own version of “Wife Swap” MEANING The Bellas are going to live with Cena first then with Daniel Bryan. Nikki brags about how big Cena’s place is (RD: “Nah it doesn’t sound like Nikki’s after Cena’s money. Nope!”) & says that Bree is going to get wet & sticky from being at Cena’s place. (RD: “And yes that means what you think it means.”) The NXT Divas walk around to find Natalya & they find Natalya so they get some snacks, Natalya warns JoJo not to eat the brownies since they wear spandex, JoJo says she can still get away with it. (RD: “Speaking as a hetero male let me say that the Divas need to eat some more! If I want to bang a stick figure I’ll bang a stick figure!”) Eva Marie is asking Natalya about Fandango & his revolving door of dance partners, Natalya says Fandango is very particular & wants a good dancer. (RD: “Wait? Fandango? The same guy that used to do that horrible YET funny pun gimmick from a couple of years back? Must be a Vinnie Mac thing since Fandango is his idea.”) Natalya asks that Eva Marie wants to be Fandango’s dance partner, Eva Marie says yes & she can dance. Proper timing as Fandango walks in & he kisses all the ladies. Natalya brings up that Eva Marie can dance; Fandango is interested in seeing her moves. (RD: “Someone should tell Eva Marie that the dancing Fandango does will not require the use of a pole.”) Fandango mentions that he uses the local dancers in the area but they are looking for a permanent dancer. Eva Marie says she knows she can be Fandango’s permanent dance partner but the problem is to convince WWE of that.

The Bellas are waiting backstage until Road Agent Road Dog enters & gives the details of Bree’s match with Naomi & suggests that The Bellas do the twin switcheroo during the match. (RD: “Wait? It was Road Dogg that suggested that?!? Road Dogg is an idiot! Don’t you know that now there’s a pretty obvious way to tell The Bellas apart now since one of them has boobs & the other doesn’t! The twin switcheroo doesn’t work anymore?!? SHEESH!”) While the Bree/Naomi match is going on Nikki describes that their characters are “giant bitches” but they are sweet in real life. (RD: “Someone needs to watch last week’s episode because both Bellas are real bitches in that one!”) Eva Marie walks around to find WWE’s Talent Relations guru Jane Geddes & suggests she be Fandango’s dance partner due to her dance background. Jane & her partner agree with it as long as Fandango is okay & Eva Marie needs to be serious about it. While Daniel Bryan takes out The Shield, Fandango runs into a waiting JoJo. JoJo shills for Eva Marie hoping to be Fandango’s next dancer, Fandango says “we’ll see” as Eva Marie walks in. Fandango gives a “hey baby” to Eva Marie (RD: “When a guy says ‘hey baby’ it usually means he wants to nail her.”) & they talk small talk. Fandango says he’ll be in Tampa but he’s going to take a shower & he’ll be “thinking of her”. (“RD: Oh I bet he will!”)

JoJo suggests that maybe Eva Marie should maybe jump in the shower with Fandango.

Eva Marie then tells JoJo one tiny little detail which is that she basically lied about having a ballroom dance background. In fact Eva Marie has no dance background at all!

We’re back just as Bree & Daniel jump on Cena’s & Nikki’s private bus to head to the airport. Nikki says she’s happy Bree & Daniel are coming along because now they get to experience what Nikki experiences. (RD: “On Twitter that’s called a ‘Humble Brag’ & it’s a douchy move.”) The couples hop on the private jet & we get a no panty shot from Nikki! Nikki talks trash about Eva Marie & specifically on how she wants to be Cena’s tag team partner. (RD: “Oh I bet she does!”)

(RD: “Oh come on Momma!“)

Nikki continues to talk trash about Eva Marie now about what she wears & she says that she’s “protective”. (RD: “I call that making sure that you get paid.”) Cena likes Eva Marie due to her boldness & that does not sit well with Nikki.

We’re at Tampa, FL now & Eva Marie gets a visit from boyfriend Jonathan who are dating for almost 2 ½ months & flew from the West Coast to see her. JoJo’s surprised that Eva Marie has a boyfriend & leaves the both of them alone. Jonathan proposes to Eva Marie & she says yes.

Over to Los Angeles, CA where Cameron & her boyfriend Vincent are horsing around while Vincent is DRIVING! Cameron calls a costume designer named Mike who’s willing to design costumes for The Funkadactyls in no time.

Back to Tampa as we are at Cena’s house/mansion where Daniel & Bree walk down to the kitchen where they see Nikki & Cena already; Bree is amazed at how big & extravagant the place is. Cena offers Bree/Daniel a tour of the home which Nikki takes care of. The three explore every place of Cena’s mansion which includes a “Dressing room” which is one HUGE walk-in closet which has an elevator to the Master Bedroom. The three come across the pool with its own waterfall & the guess home which is, according to Bree, way nicer than Bree’s apartment & Daniel’s house combined! Nikki offers Bree/Daniel a ride in Cena’s Maserati & Bree can’t resist that. So Nikki drives Bree around in Cena’s car & when they come back Nikki gets Bree to admit that Bree likes the rich lifestyle; Bree says she likes the “low-key” lifestyle that she has with Daniel but Cena’s rich lifestyle has some good points. (RD: “AW! So that’s what we’re calling living poor eh? Low Key? Wasn’t he defeated by The Avengers?”) MEANWHILE back at the NXT Divas as her new fiancé Jonathan leaves Eva Marie says she needs to step up her game because it’s all about chemistry & she knows how to get a man. (RD: “She THINKS she knows how to get a man but truth be told she’s just guessing. I’ve had women forced their tongues down my mouth for unknown reasons & there was nothing there! Nothing!”) JoJo asks if Fandango knows Eva Marie has a boyfriend; Eva Marie LIES again says Fandango doesn’t know & she takes off her engagement ring & that does not sit well with JoJo!

We’re back at Cena’s house again as the couples have fun in Cena’s pool specifically taking dives off Cena’s waterfall. Bree thinks Cena’s home is that of a rap star. (RD: “Oh don’t bring up Cena & rapping together!”)

MEANWHILE back at LA, Cameron meets the new costume designer & she tries out the new costume & she likes it!

MEANWHILE back at Tampa where Eva Marie is meeting Fandango for a lunch date & here comes Fandango. The both of them laugh at the first time they meet. Eva Marie flirtatiously asks what it takes to be Fandango’s permanent partner. Fandango interviews Eva Marie about the position & asks for her experience, Eva Marie of course LIES by saying she has some but mentions she has a little bit of a right hip problem due to in-ring training, Fandango thinks he can fix that with a little massaging but of course wants one back, which gets Eva Marie to blush. Eva Marie thinks it’s going well with Fandango. Fandango offers Eva Marie an invite to a club he’s going to so of course she says yes. Eva Marie arrives at the club & Fandango jokingly says we should do some ballroom dancing. So Fandango & Eva Marie are talking, Fandango is flirting hard for Eva Marie but she now feels she’s put in a very awkward position.

We’re back as the couple now head out to Daniel’s home in Aberdeen, WA & in the private jet Cena proposes a wood-chopping contest with the girls against the guys & a handicap giving The Bellas a 3-1 handicap meaning for every 1 log The Bellas chop Daniel & Cena have to chop 3. The couples discussed the prizes & if The Bellas win the guys have to give massages once a week for a month. The couples arrive in Aberdeen while Bree & Daniel like it Nikki & Cena do not by the looks on their faces. They soon arrive at Daniel’s house & Cena notice that Daniel doesn’t own a TV, Daniel says that it’s not his thing. Nikki can’t stand Daniel’s home but worries that Bree can’t as well since she might be here forever. With Daniel getting firewood Cena acts concerned for Bree because how small the place is & he’s asking if the house is big enough for kids since Bree wants them. Bree says she likes the place but she can change a couple of things in it but she has to be careful since this is Daniel’s childhood home. Nikki suggests first thing Bree needs to do is to get rid of Daniel’s family furniture.

MEANWHILE back at Tampa in Naomi’s apartment with Jimmy Uso & JoJo when Naomi gets a call from Cameron about the new outfits & she describes it perfectly. Jimmy makes fun of Cameron & is concerned how the new costumes will look on Naomi. Naomi’s not happy with that.

MEANWHILE back in Aberdeen as the guys get ready to chop wood, The Bellas come out dressed only in sexy tops & jeans trying to cheat their way to winning by using sex. (RD: “Okay seeing those outfits let me say that Bree…EAT A GOD DAMN SANDWICH! YUCK!”) The teams each have 3 minutes to chop wood & the contest starts. Bree chops most of the wood while Nikki complains that the axe hit her in the vagina. The Bellas chop 8 pieces of wood now it’s the guys turn. Cena uses his Kryptonian speed to chop the wood really fast but Nikki uses her fake boobies to distract him. (RD: “I hate to say this but…Cena got a bulge from Nikki’s antics & we had to see that. ARGH!”) Its Daniel's turn & he fails miserably! The Bellas win! In bed Cena suggests sexy time with Nikki but they need more wine. So Nikki takes Bree with her for some grocery shopping. Bree’s kind of freaking out leaving San Diego for Aberdeen. The Bellas take a walk in the park & Nikki freaks out about stepping in geese poop. Bree is telling Nikki how she’s freaking out over the change of environments & Daniel’s home; Nikki says that Bree can’t live in Aberdeen & in fact Daniel’s home needs to be leveled. (RD: “And they say The Bellas are nice. BITCH!”) Nikki suggests that Bree tells Daniel that his home should be a vacation house.

We’re backstage at RAW & Eva Marie is looking for Fandango to audition but finds JoJo instead. JoJo tells Eva Marie that she needs to tell the truth about having zero dancing experience, Eva Marie feels completely out of control at the moment. Eva Marie finds Fandango & tells him that she’s nervous about the audition, Fandango tries to support her, and JoJo thinks that Eva Marie is getting out of control. While the WWE crew is setting up for RAW, Eva Marie finds Natalya for help but also get JoJo & The Funkadactyls as well. Eva Marie comes out to say she’s dancing with Fandango & The Funkdactyls are shocked about this. Natalya says that maybe Eva Marie should get Fandango to help her out advice wise since he is a legit dancer. When it was brought up that Eva Marie can’t do The Splits, Cameron asks the question of not be able to do The Splits if you are a dancer. Cameron tells her that she can’t suck tonight. (RD: “Wait??! Cameron says this!”) It’s time for Eva Marie’s audition & she knows she in trouble.

We’re back & its audition time for Eva Marie to be Fandango’s new dancer. The Divas are watching Eva Marie’s audition & she botches it big time! (RD: “Bella sized botch!”) Eva Marie’s dancing was more like watching an animated dry heave. Fandango walks over to the Talent Relations people & Talent Relations guru Jane Geddes is PISSED! Fandango won’t do the audition again; Natalya says Eva Marie is screwed. Eva Marie is getting called out for her so-called “dance experience”.

The ring is filling out & Cameron wants to see Naomi in her new costume, Naomi takes off her coat to show that she doesn’t like it because…Her vagina is exposed! (RD: “Not kidding. We’re talking major vag exposure!”) Cameron loves the new costumes while Naomi does not. (RD: “When your junk is hanging out yeah that’s a good sign not to like what you wear.”) Cameron suggests they go to Sandra to fix it. So The Funkadactyls go to see Sandra, Cameron kisses Sandra’s ass; Sandra turns around to see Naomi’s “Dangling Chad” as it were. Cameron blames the higher-ups in WWE for the new wardrobe change & maybe Sandra can fix it. Sandra refuses to do it since its somebody else’s work, Cameron basically throws a fit saying they won’t go to her for costumes anymore, Sandra can live with that, Naomi says “OH HELL NO!” Sandra gets Cameron to apologize for going behind her back for getting new costumes, Cameron says “my bad”, Naomi wants Cameron to say “I’m Sorry” so Sandra can fix the costume, Naomi says I’m sorry while Cameron says it with her teeth clenched. (RD: “That’s not Divalicious Cameron!”) Sandra says that’s not good enough, Cameron then begs saying she’s sorry, Sandra says no. So instead The Funkadactlys wear previously worn costumes which Cameron is not too thrilled about because it’s not sexy enough for her. Naomi tells Cameron not to piss off Sandra anymore.

Eva Marie gets called into The Principal’s Office by Stephy Bear. Stephy Bear basically says Eva Marie FU-Barred big time. Eva Marie admits to lying, Stephy Bear asks if she managed to get away with it what then, Eva Marie admits to screwing up & will never do it again. Stephy Bear says that if she screws up like this again she’s fired! (RD: "Quick story time here about this scene. Eva Marie knew she was in trouble big time but Stephy Bear wasn't going to chew her out. WWE higher-ups asked Stephy Bear if she would appear on the show to do this & she said yes. Eva Marie did not know that things would go far the way that it did.")

End of Show

(RD: "Before we end this episode recap I like to give John Cena a little advice here. Um...About Nikki. The man who sings this song didn't listen to his own advice & now he's married to one. Don't make the same mistake.")

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