Penguin's Disastrous End
February 2, 1967
"The Penguin attempts his scheme's masterstroke, complete with an audacious means of escape no one will see coming."
65 minutes
RD: Dizzy Filet of Soul. Vince thought it said "filly". He is quite excited today, although the episode wasn't as top tier as the earlier two.
The ABA was formed on the original air date, including Vince's beloved New York Nets Americans.
Narrator: "When we last saw Batman and Robin, they were locked into suits of armor and about to be pressed into paperweights by a giant hydraulic crusher. In just one moment, we'll see the crunching finish of our adventure."
Of course the Duo easily break out of the cube they were "crushed" in, completely unharmed from being under "a hundred thousand pounds of pressure". Why it's simple: they also keep the Batmobile's spare tires in their utility belts, which they use to push against the crusher and give them space. But of course. RD demonstrates to an incredulous Vince with some risque arm movements.
Meanwhile Penguin is in Aunt Hilda's lair telling his goons to store their armor. (:08) When a goon asks why Penguin just gives him a dirty look.
Penguin: "You got any more stupid questions?"
Goon: "Uh, no, boss."
Penguin: "All right, then close the door. And lock it, fink. Now, where is that dizzy filly of soul and her dizzier aunt, huh?"
Marsha: "I'm not so sure I like being called dizzy, darling."
Hilda: "And I'm not sure I like all those bumpkins cluttering up my nice cave."
She is not sure if she wants to make a stronger love potion for their "diabolical caper" since they are all "barging in here like a rude gang of rowdies."
Marsha: "Oh, don't be angry, Aunt Hilda. After all, Penguin has no place else to go."
Penguin: "No, Auntie. You wouldn't want a poor, homeless bird thrown out into the street, would you? Quack. Quack."
Hilda relents and goes to concoct it, as Penguin needs it to break into a subtreasury to steal $10 million in gold and use it with his stolen military plans.
Marsha: "Why don't you just use the suits of armor?"
Penguin: "That worked once. It won't work a second time."
Yes, it's not as if it proved its use after breaking into the Pentagon Hexagon.
Unfortunately Hilda is out of lizards, so the potion won't be as potent. Again. Marsha decides to help for once with the secret ingredient of dance: "Don't get yourself in a stew, Pengy."
At Gordon's Office, O'Hara wants to throw Penguin into a scrap pile.
Gordon: "Rock pile would be more appropriate, chief, since there is one at Gotham State Prison."
Vince: "Is that a real thing?"
RD: "MRS DEAL! GET TAMMY SYTCH ON THE LINE!"
Vince: "Maybe Tammy Sytch is making licenses."
Gordon tells Batman that Penguin's plans were outdated by more than 20 years, so much so that they are not on any inventory lists. They do however have "special meta-piercing bullets" in case Penguin decides to use his armor again, assuming the police can actually hit.
Also for some reason "the police switchboard is flooded with calls about hundreds of lizards running around the Murray Park section of Gotham City." Batman thinks they could lead them to Aunt Hilda. To the park!
Narrator: "Meanwhile, in the basement of the subtreasury building, $10 million worth of gold bullion is being carefully guarded."
The guards complain about their job before they hear the soundtrack. It's Hilda playing snake charming music for Marsha who starts disrobing (as part of her dance of the seven veils). Penguin and goons use the distraction to ambush them and go for the gold.
The Duo meanwhile have found a manhole where many lizards have been reported emerging from, so they Batrope down into the lair. It's not completely empty; one goon is trying to open up a safe, putting up no resistance as they cuff him.
Batman: "There is no honor among thieves, Robin. (He opens the safe.) It's not difficult if you have
steady nerves and a good ear, qualities destroyed by the tenor of criminal life."
The goon refuses to talk about Penguin's plan. " I might steal, but I don't squeal. And like the Penguin says, after this caper, Gotham City is gonna be in the soup."
Of course this is enough for Batman to figure it out, so they leave him tied to a door as they go back to to the Batcave.
Robin: "How did that remark tell you where Penguin is?"
Batman: "It wasn't what he said, Robin, but what Penguin had said."
Robin: "You mean about being in the soup?"
Batman: "Knowing the Penguin's twisted mind, he could mean only one thing."
Robin: "Soup?"
Batman: "Name a few, Robin."
Robin: "Chowder. Stew. Ragout. Bouillabaisse. Bouillon. ... Bullion!"
Batman: "Exactly, old chum. Bullion. Penguin is undoubtedly at the federal subtreasury at this very moment. And I'd better call Chief O'Hara."
The Bros argue over if chowder is a soup. (:20 - :27)
Despite the diversion (of the Bros arguing) Marsha is only now at one veil left. At Penguin's sign she blows something to knock out the guards, just as the Duo arrive. The villains respond by...running into the vault and locking the door behind them. The Duo and police take up siege positions to wait them out.
Of course this is all part of Pengy's plan; he brought an oxygen tank, his goons brought construction tools, Marsha got her clothes back and has a drink, Hilda brought her pipe to play on -
Penguin: "If I keep having to listen to that, I'll go straight."
Marsha: "Auntie only gets nervous in closed rooms, darling."
Penguin: "Why don't you try biting your nails?"
O'Hara: "He couldn't possibly escape, Batman. Why, even if he blew a hole in the wall, I've got 200 men stationed outside."
Batman: "I'm sure that you and your fine force of men in blue can handle anything in the realm of the ordinary, chief. But I have a hunch Penguin is cooking up something quite out of the ordinary."
RD: "Why don't they just open the safe?"
Vince: "What if [the villains]'re dead in there?"
My guess is they probably needed to stall for time to accommodate the later climactic set piece.
Anyway Robin breaks out a stethoscope Bat-sound amplifier and a "holy stereo" to eavesdrop.
Cut to Stately Wayne Manor.
TV Anchor: "This is the third day [emphasis mine] Penguin and his henchmen have been holed up inside the subtreasury vault."
Aunt Harriet (braless): "Three days, Alfred. Imagine that. What can he be doing inside there?"
Alfred: "I imagine that our law-enforcement agencies are asking the same question, madam."
Hard cut to the vault.
O'Hara: "What could that mangy creature be doing in there?"
Batman: "I wish I knew, Chief."
Gordon: "And what's he doing for food?"
Batman: "I wish I knew, Commissioner."
Robin: "And what's he -"
Batman: "I wish I knew, Robin."
Hilda has stopped playing by then to have a kitchen to cook up some toad stew (while wearing half a chef's hat). "Do you know how much vitamin B there is in the average toad? Just twice the daily minimum requirement."
Batman feels Penguin will now act, so he goes outside to check on their situation.
The goons announce they're finally done with their work, making Penguin smile in a golden aura: "That Batman thought he had me all wrapped up. That should teach that Caped Codfish something! Never count your Penguins before they're latched."
As soon as Batman says he's worried, a gold (spray painted) M3 Stuart Light Tank bursts through the wall. (:37)
Robin: "Holy armadillos!"
Batman: "So those were the plans Penguin stole from the Hexagon. Yes, it all makes sense now. He set up his film company to steal the armor from the museum. He used the armor to steal the plans from the Hexagon. And used the plans to build a solid gold tank."
Gordon: "Now he's invulnerable, Batman."
Batman: "No one is invulnerable, Commissioner. Not even inside a tank."
O'Hara (going berserk): "I'll stop that mangy bird if it's the last thing I ever do!"
He moves his car two feet ahead in front of the tank.
Robin: "But he'll be crushed like a walnut!"
Batman: "The brave fool."
The Bros also compliment his foolhardy bravado, especially as the tank completely flattens the car. Penguin and Marsha pop out of the top to gloat as the Duo and Gordon rush to the now suddenly cardboard car. (O'Hara managed to escape into a manhole.)
Batman: "That was a brave gesture, Chief O'Hara. We need more than gestures to stop that fiend."
The Duo run to the Batmobile.
Non fink Howard Finkel was Vince's first driving colleague and introduced him to the Dairy Queen Blizzard. He also heavily played the lottery.
The tank continues its wondering rampage...somehow. Forget it somehow going without gas (unless the goons brought some with them), solid gold is too soft to really take much hits. Forget the earlier armor-piercing bullets, just throw O'Hara as a human missile to make a dent.
Penguin: "How's it feel riding around in $20 million, Marsha?" (I didn't realize making it into a tank actually doubled its value.)
Marsha: "The springs aren't very good, darling."
Penguin: "Springs? Every bolt of this machine is worth a carload of springs. ... Who's firing that gun?"
Marsha: "Must be Aunt Hilda. She loves loud noises."
Penguin: "Stop that! Those shells are solid gold! Every time she fires that cannon, it costs $50,000!"
Marsha: "Oh, let her have some fun, Pengy. After all, you're a millionaire now." (Unlike before, when he already was?)
Penguin: "Even a millionaire blinks at $50,000!"
Batman (to Robin as they close in): "Can you handle the Batzooka?"
Robin: "The Batzooka! I forgot all about it. You bet I can handle it, Batman."
Batman: "I hope your aim is good."
Thankfully Robin's stunt double has better aim than he does witty dialogue, and a clean hit easily stops the tank.
Penguin: "That's a low-down, underhanded trick. Oh, and foiled again. It's exasperating."
Marsha: "Oh. Be a good loser, darling. Page from your own book, huh, Penguin?"
Penguin (to Hilda): "It's your fault! Wasting those golden shells."
Hilda: "Be quiet, dearie, or I'll turn you into a toad. Should I, Batman?"
Batman: "Thank you, but we have other plans for Penguin."
Marsha: "You know, darling, it really is a shame. You and I could have had a marvelous career in movies."
Batman: "I'm afraid your movie career will be interrupted for quite a while, Marsha."
The Bros wonder what she did that could be considered a crime. Indirect aiding and abetting is my guess.
Back at Stately Wayne Manor they somehow obtained the footage from the "movie" instead of giving it to the police as evidence.
Harriet: "It was very nice of Batman to donate Penguin's film to the Wayne Federation of Boys Clubs. I'm sure the boys will enjoy it."
A reminder: this was the same woman who as a member of the "Gotham City Film Decency League" wanted to see the film stopped. Vince reminds that she spent her bra money on drinking instead.
Dick: "Too bad Penguin and Marsha can't see it."
Bruce: "Somehow I doubt if they'd want to, Dick. Besides, by the time they get out of prison, this film will probably be on the late show."
Harriet: "Whatever happened to that weird old lady who was related to Marsha?"
Bruce: "Aunt Hilda? She's back at her old post, teaching a cooking class at the Bruce Wayne School of Home Economics. She never would have left in the first place if it hadn't been for her niece Marsha."
RD wondered why they arrested Marsha for not doing anything, while letting the potion making, tank turret shooting woman go free.
Harriet: "You know, Bruce, I think Batman is quite a good actor. Oh, my, he's very romantic."
Bruce: "I think Batman would appreciate your compliment, Aunt Harriet. Well, perhaps Batman has some show business in his blood."
Alfred: "Don't we all, sir? (To the camera) Don't we all?"
Vince almost forgets to rate the women just before they end recording. (:62) RD gives Hilda 4 Batpoles. Vince has 3.75. (Remember, Estelle Winwood was 84.) The two did not rate Marsha on her last appearance, so they give her 6. If it was as Morticia Addams they would have given 7.5.
Scott Keith of the Blog of Doom will also join in with the induction writing.
Bill Apter is still not yet in the WWE Hall of Fame.
- Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [8] (Burgess Meredith) [8]
- Extra Special Guest Villainess: Marsha [2] (Carolyn Jones) [2]
- SPEAKING OFs: 3. Burgess, anniversaries, writers and editors and stuff
- Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Spare tires
