Random Thoughts From The Office, January 29, 2010

This Week in WrestleCrap Radio History

1 Year Ago: As I've been told in numerous torture sessions this week, THIS week was the episode with Shane killing off MegaTrolla. Can't I dream of a world without Megatrolla? WON'T YOU GRANT ME THAT?
2 Years Ago: The thought of Blade using the Katie Vick outfit as a sexual aid forces RD to Walk Out on the show (As opposed to our favorite recapper Premier Blah, who just wishes he could walk out on Recapping every week).
3 Years Ago: RD learns that White Castle is taking reservations for Valentine's Day, leading to a scheme to get Mrs Deal to go with him (The Repressed Memories of which probably led to the Attempted Murder of Stubby and the Outright Murder of Johnny 4)
4 Years Ago: Jameson is on Blade's Wall and that new Squad.....man do they have Spirit.

I know, I'm as shocked as you are. I've survived another week to share more of my thoughts on all things wrestling and WrestleCrap related with you. There was that aforementioned torture session....I really don't want to go into that but suffice to say I now know why there are never any lights at WrestleCrapRadio HQ (And it's not because Blah's just cheap). [I guess I run on the souls of the damned for power - PB] So let's go through the highlights of randomness that are causing discussion around the water coolers here at the Offices of Clarence Mason, Attorney at Law.

On WrestleCrap this week, the saga of Damien Dependo comes to an end, the only way it can, with an FYBA World Heavyweight Title match between Mr. Braxton and Mr. Dependo. I was originally going to call this column "From the Outer Reaches of Your Mind" to be a real smartass but I decided against it for two reasons.

1. I think I might make a slight amount more sense than Damien Demento. (Not by much. I'm kind of on a level with the crazy old man from the Simpsons. I can even sing "The Old Gray Mare she ain't what she used to be")
2. Without him talking about the Fruitcakes anymore it's just not funny.

But am I the only one who's reading too much into this, we've gone from Fruitcakes to repeated attacks to training videos to cartoon theme singoffs to this final installment and I keep wondering to myself....WHY? I realize by the quality and quantity of his Youtube Shoots that Mr Demento REALLY has nothing better to do but why the fascination with Wrestlingcrip.com? (To make Blah's job easier, Wrestlingbloods.com is still NOT taken.)[Why thank you. - PB] Maybe it's just me but I'm convinced the more I hear and see Damien Demento that something more is going on here. So I'm going to make a prediction: sometime in 2010 Damien Demento is going to be on Wrestlecrap Radio. To me it's the only thing that possibly can add up in all this, why would there be this constant back and forth barrage (Other than the fact it's funny to see Demento constantly get owned). Unless Damien is really just that sad, which is not beyond the realms of possibility but I somehow doubt it. Time will tell.

The Gooker Award is the other big WrestleCrap news of the week. No real shock to see it went to Chavo v Hornswoggle: The Neverending Story. (Neverending Storrrrreyyyyy ahhhhhhhh ahhhhhhh ahhhhh. I actually prefered the guy in Kajagoogoo) That feud was just so painfully bad that it made me pine for a Bastion Booger match. A lot of people wanted the Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell match from TNA to win the Gooker and it was insulting no doubt but I'll tell you why I believe while it definitely is WrestleCrap, it's not a Gooker Award winner.

1. As horrifically bad a match as it is, it was still only one match, whereas Chavo and Hornswoggle went on for week after week, year after year, decade after decade. I'm sure when I go to wrestling fan hell, that series of matches is going to be on permanent loop, along with a Sega Genesis with a broken controller and Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game because nothing says fun like the Undertaker flinging imaginary tombstones at opponents.
2. It's not the worst match I've even seen, it's in the top 5 no doubt, but it's not the worst, not by a long shot. That dubious honor falls on.....and shall always fall on Kriss Sprules vs Cage Tyler from British "Wrestling" (I use the Rabbit Ears around "Wrestling" deliberately, because to say that they're wrestling is an insult to wrestling cause I've literally seen backyard matches with better wrestling maneuvers than this "Classic"........Do a search for "Kris Sprules V Cage Tyler" on Youtube if you don't believe me.....or go to the wrestlecrap forum and watch the embed in the {W}rest of Wrestling section under Worst match you've seen......DISCLAIMER: Clarence "Showstealer" Mason and the employees, sponsors and affiliates of Wrestlecrapradio.com take no responsibility whatsoever for any damage, emotional, physical or otherwise that may be caused by watching this match. This match makes Jenna V Sharmell look like friggin' Steamboat-Flair from '89. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED) federation OPWO. The Commentary if you get that version almost saves it (It was actually done by a guy on another wrestling forum. Not the OPWO). Key word: ALMOST.
3. It wasn't even the worst TNA angle of the year, that was "The Governor" angle (Although that angle would've ruled had Daffney come out to the Guv'ner generic theme from WWF Attitude "IT'S THE GUV'NER BABY! AND I'M GONNA RULE ALL OVER YOU! LET'S LEGISLATE!") It does earn points for pretty much turning Daffney batshit crazy and running to the care of Dr Stevie, resulting in the Zombie Hot Goth Goddess she's become but even that doesn't save the crap we had to go through to get to that point.

For almost every option on the Gooker voting this year you could kind of go over it and figure out a reason why it wasn't a Gooker winner......all except Chavo-Hornswoggle, which had no rhyme, no reason, no payoff, no effort, no great matches, just pure unadulterated pain for everyone who was fool enough to watch it. Basically it's kinda like watching the New Era of Impact.....but hey that's a thought for another time. The court's being called back from recess. I have to go to work

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

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