Episode 23: Holy Dew!: January 9, 2022

The Ring of Wax
March 30, 1966
"The Riddler's latest scheme involves stealing a wax figure to melt down for its wax that is powerfully corrosive when exposed to direct flame."
79 minutes

"RD: Ready to Wax Philosophically" Vince had a quiet New Year's since he finds the whole thing "depressing". RD at least stays up a bit to watch the proceedings and not know any of the celebrities.

Vince tries to liven things by showing the Blu-Ray box set of the series (for $100, a bargain at 40% of the price). Among the pictures is a glamor shot of Alfred and a close-up of Gordon and O'Hara on a boat. (:04) 

He then asks his "fellow wrestling fan" about women bleeding profusely in matches, rather than sparingly. See, this is the difference in Co-Hossses. Vince talks about women bleeding from matches. Blade talked about women bleeding during their time of the month. No wonder he died without having ever married. RD watched The Passion of the Christ with a co-worker who complained about how it ended. "Well don't watch Titanic then! You'll be disappointed!" 

A "wax" statue of Batman is to unveiled at Madame Soleil's Wax Museum...except that it's been replaced by the Riddler. (:15) RD is saddened that it wasn't actually wax. He's reminded of an episode of The Twilight Zone where Martin Balsam is compelled by wax figures of serial killers to become one of them. Vince saw House of Wax in the original 3-D. Anyway, the wax statue shoots red paint at the crowd and the camera. 

Soleil calls Gordon who promises to "take care of this personally" by delegating it to the Duo. They are huddled around a globe with Aunt Harriet wondering the location of Lima. Bruce: "If we don't know about our friends to the south, how can we carry out our good neighbor policy?" Sadly he does not then take the opportunity to shill the Alliance for Progress. Alfred informs them of the Batphone in normal speaking voice. Aunt Harriet: "Oh, those two! Hither, thither, and yon!"

Young RD once snapped his collarbone being unfamiliar with football. (:25)

O'Hara is happy to tell the Duo that he thinks he's solved one of the riddles too obviously. Robin guesses Riddler may hit a library. But first he has to monologue at the Kandlelight Candle Factory with his goons Tallow and Matches and his lady Moth as they melt Batman's chocolate-style figure. 

Riddler: "Oh, if only this were the real Batman. Oh, 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished! That his too, too solid flesh would melt and resolve itself into a dew!"
Moth: "Oh, Riddler honey, that's beautiful!"
Riddler: "I wrote it myself."

RD wonders where he got his people from and if he changed their names for them. 

Riddler reveals they had smuggled in a universal solvent in the Batstatue through ecstatic happiness. 

The Gotham City Public Library has a vault for books, like just about all libraries have. Somehow the villains get around without anyone wondering on their outfits or that one guy who looks just like the Riddler. The only guard who comes across them gets easily gassed by a candle. Riddler reveals the solvent works silently on the lock, perfect for a library. He then loudly laughs and jumps around in excitement. The Duo show up anyway. Librarian: "Heavens to Betsy!" She too hasn't noticed "a man wearing a bright green suit with big black question marks on it". 

Meanwhile Moth has to go by hand through a card index as she waits for her boss. Vince only gives her 5 Batpoles due to her off-putting face. RD gives her 7 but thought she had too much makeup. Linda Gaye Scott was in the original Westworld and many classic TV shows despite having what RD thinks may be a Geocities site. 

Riddler finds a book on Incan treasures and lets out a "HUZZAH". Just wait until he finds a Shakespeare First Folio and finds more lines he can pass off as his own! The Duo appear to fight with his armed goons before he sprays them with "Dr. Riddler's instant forever stick invisible wax emulsion" to root them to the floor, then gasses them and leaves with another riddle. Batman: "If only the Riddler's inventive mind could be channeled for good, what a better world this would be!" Robin guesses the next riddle involves some wax in a hole. 

To the Batcave! Using the Hyperspectragraphic Analyzer they figure out the Riddler has his silent solvent. They clunky work backwards to determine it's to do with the wax museum. Again. There the villains are "hiding" as revolutionaries. RD is still upset it's again not actual wax being used. Riddler knocks the Duo out with blowdarts and puts them in a blue van. He then decides to steal the Batmobile. RD thinks Penguin warned him about its dangers while in jail together. So Riddler succeeds in his theft. They then return to their normal outfits: "we'd better get our everyday clothes back on, we look too suspicious this way."

He compares Batman to a diamondback rattlesnake as the Duo awaken in "the enormous candle dipper" of "the proverbial pickle". "BM's package" Vince handwrote and underlined as he noticed it was Batman's turn to have something big under the utility belt. RD wonders if it was a stunt double instead. The Duo ask Riddler about his plans anyway as they are lowered. Narrator: "Will Batman wax serious?"

Vince wonders what happens if ever they get an unsolvable riddle. Alexa's increased assertiveness is worrying the two. 

Vince seeks RD's help in getting a jukebox of his own. (:74) He recently cracked a toilet seat from sitting on it too hard. He should have used a trashbag. RD wonders if he too will have more toilet related stories to share over the years.


  • Special Guest Villain: The Riddler [3] (Frank Gorshin) [3]
  • SPEAKING OFs: 2. Uncomfotable, the bra
  • Screen Captures: 1. RD
  • Blue Van: 1


No comments: