Episode 102: Holy Nebuchadnezzar!: August 7, 2023

Ring Around the Riddler
September 21, 1967
"The Riddler is out to control all of prize fighting in Gotham City. He begins by kidnapping and brainwashing top prizefighters with the aid of the Siren. Then, under the guise of Mushy Nebuchadnezzar, supposed boxing champion of Southwest Asia, he challenges Batman to a fight in the ring. But when it becomes clear that the Riddler has no plans to play fair, it's up to Batgirl to help her crime fighting companions."
77 minutes

Vince can't believe how much the show has changed so suddenly. He wonders where the show could have gone. RD (aka Kid Gulliver) thinks it would still end up the same. 

Of note, RD also wrote about the episode on his other site, in connection with Adam West appearing in Memphis in his cowl and costume tracksuit to cut a promo on Jerry Lawler.

Narrator: "Night, the cloak for sinners, draws its dark folds over Gotham City, where the Riddler hides out in a little-used gymnasium."

Riddler spars with his kidnapped boxer Kid Gulliver, played by James Brolin in his third appearance (sadly not with Catwoman).
RD: "How could he go to anything bigger or better than Ring Around the Riddler?"
Riddler asks Gulliver to lose his next match at Gotham Square Garden. "I have a riddle for you. What do many boats, shovels, laundries, whistles and hot showers have in common? Steam. (To his goons) Put him in the steam room and shrink him down to size."
You can tell it is a steam room because there is a sign over a door-less frame saying so in front of a completely dark room. 

Vince, who rather enjoyed this story, thinks they used the budget on other areas. RD, who is more ambivalent, disagrees. 

Riddler's lady, Betsy "Bullface" Boldface, and with rather short 60's hair, listens to her man plan to get rid of all the other prizefighters and Batman "then control all the prizefighting in Gotham City once and for all...and everywhere else."
"When is the top of a mountain like a savings account? When it piques one's interest."

RD once worked with a wrestler named Bull Payne. At one show he had to help a rather...distracted referee during a hell turn (RD, not the referee) to award a match to "Bullpen". 

At Stately Wayne Manor, the Duo watch their study big screen in surprise as Kid Gulliver loses in the third round. (:14)
Bruce: "As chairman of Gotham City Boxing Commission, I'm gonna call an emergency meeting. It looks like undesirable elements have once again infiltrated the manly art of self-defense."
RD: "What about those poor kids in church? All they wanted was a little summer retreat!"

At the boxing box office, Riddler has a metal box with a light up question mark on the top that RD thinks may have also been used in Batman Forever. "Riddle me this! When does a painter use a trigger instead of a brush? When he's a stickup artist."
He's about to violently kiss the box office lady but seeing Barbara standing in line to buy tickets he has to run off, leaving the box behind. 

Cue spinning Batsignal, now with Batgirl.

Batgirl calls Gordon who calls Alfred who tells him that Bruce isn't home by shaking his head (over the phone). So they light the Batsignal, a surprisingly uncommon occurrence in the series as we've found out. This gets the Duo into the Office.

Vince wonders how Gordon couldn't figure out who Batgirl was.
RD: "To be fair, how many times has he talked to Bruce Wayne in person?"

Batman: " It's lucky you were in the vicinity of Gotham Square Garden."
Batgirl: "Yes. Luck is an important weapon to a woman crimefighter, Batman."
The box has been brought in for the Trio to examine with a stethoscope.
Batman: "This little blinking device is merely an added touch to pique our curiosity. Sounds like a trick of Riddler's."
The only thing inside are metal shavings and a note: "Who rules the ring? No prince, king or raja. Look for a clue on the walls of Khafajah."
Batman: "Khafajah was a famous temple in what was the land of Mesopotamia, Robin."
Gordon: "My daughter, Barbara, studied the history of Southwestern Asia in college, Batman."
Because of course history is essential for her job of...librarian.
Speaking of Barbara, Batgirl has somehow vanished without the men noticing.
Batman (lustily): "Her particular brand of vanishing cream... another weapon in her arsenal."
RD knows sudden vanishing is actually a skill of Batman more so than his protege. 

The boxing commissioner then calls to report that Kid Gulliver has vanished. This is due to him being back at the gym being shot up with "riddle juice".
Riddler: "Gentlemen, if we had our choice of laps to sit on right now, which would we choose? Kid Gulliver's temporary lapse of memory."
As the goons take him away Betsy brings a burnoose for her man. She has something for her sports show at midnight of all times (what does she think it is, SportsCenter?): "Mushy Nebuchadnezzar, unchallenged champion of Southwestern Asia's boxing world, arrived in Gotham City tonight. Ready  and willing to take on any and all comers."
Riddler: "Stroke of your usual feminine genius, Betsy."

Cut to the Duo Batclimbing up to Barbara's apartment to ask for her Southwestern Asian knowledge. (:28)
Batman: "We would've entered the building by more conventional means."
Robin: "But we didn't wanna startle the tenants." (Emphasis mine)
Barbara: "As I recall, some strange scrollwork was found on the walls of that temple indicating men used fists to fight long before the supposed beginnings of boxing in ancient Rome and Greece."
Robin: "Holy hieroglyphics. How would the Riddler know that, Batman?"
Batman: "The mind of a criminal like Riddler's is a sponge which soaks up many strange facts, Robin."
Barbara thinks Riddler is referring to the prizefighter ring.
Batman: "Perhaps Riddler himself is trying to take over."
Robin: "That punctuated pipsqueak?"

Then Gordon knocks on the door (conventionally).
Barbara: "Well, tonight seems to be my night for gentlemen callers."
The police had found Kid Gulliver on the side of the road, of course with no memory of the recent days. The Duo leave to check out the location.
Gordon then suddenly makes himself at home so he can watch Betsy's sports show - again, at midnight. (:33) He turns on the television just in time to see a masked Riddler a burnoose-d Mushy Nebuchadnezzar, unchallenged champion of Southwestern Asia's boxing world talking about eating "tamarisk berries, bulbul bird eggs and licorice, but only licorice native to my country" and "camel grass juice".
Gordon: "Enough of that. He sounds like Southwestern Asia's unchallenged nut."

Vince loves circus peanuts, to RD's disgust.

Wrote RD: "Hard cut to unneeded extreme close-up of O'Hara's face." He's stumbling around (more so than usual) by the boxing box office as the Duo try to get through to him.
Riddler: "Riddle me this, Dynamic Dullheads!  What have the following in common? Hemming, basting, purling and tacking?"
Then he vanishes.
RD is reminded of when Shaquille O'Neal was on AEW and just vanished inside an ambulance. Perhaps he was trying to evade process servers?

Batman: "Hemming and purling, basting and tacking are all words related to needlework."
Robin: "You think they gave Chief O'Hara the same injection as they gave Kid Gulliver?"
Batman: "I'll take Chief O'Hara down to headquarters. You follow in the Batmobile."
At last, Dick has a use for his new driver's license!

Meanwhile Barbara mentions to Charlie (her pet bird) how this Nebuchadnezzar's chin "didn't look much like a Southwestern Asiatic chin to this student of history. Maybe Batgirl should investigate the local source of tamarisk berries, bulbul bird eggs, licorice, and camel grass juice." 

Vince is impressed by how RD can say Nebuchadnezzar. "You don't want me saying that name."

Narrator: "So it's across her bedroom in a flash to the secret Batgirl nook, where Barbara Gordon makes her dazzling change to Batgirl! And into action on her Batgirl Cycle! And shortly, back in Riddler's little-used gymnasium..." (:39)

Betsy, giving the tamarisk berries, bulbul bird eggs, licorice, and camel grass juice, tells Riddler on Batgirl following them i.e. three steps behind her.
Riddler: "Riddle me once. What's most alluring, when it's lowest or highest? When it's in the air or in a  hole? When it's served you, yet you can't touch it?"
Batgirl: "An enchanting ace."

This gives him the space to command next week's villain, Joan Collins as the Siren, to hum a high-pitched note test of the emergency broadcast system. Unaffected, Batgirl just turns her head slightly.
Siren: "I've never tried my note two octaves above high C on a woman before."
So there is a fight, and Batgirl gets taken to the steam room. 

Regardless of the outcome, Riddler is still thrilled; "I thought my broadcast would put the Dynamic  Decimal Points on your track. But Batgirl will work just as well."
"He had also been using Siren's singing to entice men to do his dirty work. He now has three more prizefighters to be controlled, all played by actual boxers of the time. They too get the steam room treatment. Then Siren just...walks out the door. Of course Riddler watches her leave (until Betsy gets in his way so he can look at her instead).

Then all of a sudden Batgirl gets away. Off-screen.
Betsy: "Would you like a shot of camel grass juice?"
Riddler: "Oh, what's looser than a thread, a fish, flying ribbons? A woman's tongue! Possibly Batgirl's!  I've got to get on some provocative riddles if I'm going to coax Batman into the ring with Mushy Nebuchadnezzar." 

RD bullies Vince to say "Mezuchanazzer". 

Cut to next day. Gordon has Barbara in his Office to talk to since O'Hara is still recovering from being more useless than usual amnesia. (:48) He also has more riddles for her to decipher until the Duo enter, and then Riddler as Mushy calls. He means business because he is standing in front of a curtain.
Riddler: "My line is plugged into radio station GTCR. That means that all of Gotham City has heard you called - hahaha - a coward."
He hangs up, cuing an extreme close up of Batman.
Batman: "Regardless of who Mushy Nebuchadnezzar may be, or what Riddler is up to, regardless of  private or public image, one thing I cannot abide is being called a coward. You may inform all the news media that I will meet the champion of Southwestern Asia in Gotham Square Garden tonight."

Thankfully since Batman is tight with Boxing Commission chairman Bruce Wayne, it's not too hard to prepare the GSG to accommodate a boxing ring at the last minute, and by boxing ring, I mean whatever on earth this is:

 

RD: "I worked in front of some very, very, very small crowds. Very ghetto stuff. There was one show I worked at - with the good Lord above as my witness and I am not making this up - there were two paying customers. It looked more impressive than what this is." 

Vince: "And this is Gotham Square Garden no less!"

Betsy is at one side helping to commentate because of course she does. Batman is on another side with his corner man Alfred Egbert Gus. Aunt Harriet is on another side with the Undynamic Duo and Barbara. She gets her quota of lines for the whole season talking non-stop to the men. At least she seems to be holstered this time. 

Batman (to Robin): "This is ridiculous. [Riddler's] smaller than you are."
RD's extensive research found that Ward was in fact an inch taller than Gorshin.

Riddler: "Batman, what eats crow, yells uncle, and tosses sponges?"
Batman: "A loser. AND I'M NOT A LOSER, RIDDLER!" 

So they start "boxing". 

As much as RD has his doubts on the episode, he easily found this to be some of Gorshin's best acting.

To try and even the odds Riddler does a Popeye punch, in which he sprinkles metal shavings all over the Dark Knight. Betsy is suddenly underneath the ring (despite the canvas looking to be a foot off the ground), sitting cross legged and taking a smoke as she turns on a giant magnet. This of course pins Batman in one place because...

Alfred: "The drawing power of this fight seems to have concentrated beneath the ring."

Is this how (fucking) magnets work? 

Batman entangled, this allows Riddler to rope-a-dope whack-a-mole. 

Barbara quickly rushes to the "bathroom", changes, and manages to get under the ring without anyone noticing to take out the magnet. Perhaps their eyes were also magnetized.

Riddler (not noticing the situation): "Ladies and gentlemen, riddle me this. When is a prizefight like a  beautiful lady? Answer: when it's a knockout."
Only when he turns and sees Batman is free and out for revenge does he turn and jump out through the ropes. The Bros were saddened there wasn't a fight in the ring, as much as whatever the 'boxing' was.

 

RD: "It should have been a 12-parter, and it should have been 12 rounds of Frank Gorshin in a boxing ring being a clown."

Instead the fight is a short one at the lair. Even Alfred is there, and he delivers the knockout blow with a bowling pin. Because of course he has one. 

Batman: "Any final riddles, Riddler?"
Riddler: "Yes. What do you throw away that keeps returning?"
Batman: "A boomerang."
Riddler: "Correct. And I'm a boomerang. And I shall be back."

Granted it would take him 12 years, but he did come back for one more try. 

Batman deters Robin from trying to follow Batgirl, though RD knows for sure that if Batman were alone he'd definitely stalk her.
Batman: "Let us respect her disguise as she respects ours."
Robin: "I guess you're right."
Alfred: "Some camel grass juice, sir?"
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, this camel grass juice is great!"
Batman: "Beware of strong stimulants, Robin."

Back at the Office, Gordon gets a visit (through Bonnie) from the Siren, real name Lorelei Circe.
Gordon (aroused): "Ms. Circe, what can I do for you?"
Siren: "It's what I can do for you, Commissioner, that really counts." (She gives a test of the EBS.)
Narrator: "Will the Siren succeed in the plan she has for Batman and Commissioner Gordon? Will her  purring parlay pay off? Watch for the stunning surprise on the next episode!"

Vince thought 35 (he guessed 34) year old Betsy was "definitely long in the tooth" and gives her 1 Batpole. RD was "very generous" for a 4. Peggy Ann Garner was more known for being a child actor, even winning an honorary Academy Award. She too passed way too young from pancreatic cancer. Upon hearing this Vince decides to give her a 2 instead. 

Vince: "I'm getting that old timers' disease, Bro."
RD: "Well maybe it's part-timers'."

 

• Special Guest Villain: The Riddler [7+1] (Frank Gorshin) [6+1]
  
• Extra Special Guest Villainess: The Siren (Joan Collins)
  

 

• Window Celebrity: 3. Jerry Quarry, Armando Ramos, Raul Rojas (the three charmed boxers)
  
• (Soon To Be) Window Celebrity: 1. James Brolin
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Exactly what you are talking about
• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1.Off-screen steam escape
  

Episode 87: Holy Lake!: April 23, 2023

Legends of the Superheroes (1979)
"A teamup of some of DC Comics' greatest superheroes together, for 2 specials: a race to stop the united supervillains' plot to destroy the earth, then later a roast in tribute to all of the heroes hosted by Ed McMahon."
The Challenge
"The superheroes only have one hour to find Dr. Silvana's Doomsday Machine before it destroys all life on Earth. Their only leads are clues left by the arch villains, each one of which might be a trap."
49 minutes

RD is Not 4'6" since he is no longer in Vince's studio. He puts over Vince's old man. Vince puts over RD's muscles. 

RD wonders why the villains want to get rid of everyone else. Vince wonders if they had any women to accompany them besides Giganta. Also they were supposedly going to lure the Justice League with a riddle. Also the Justice League was supposed to meet up at a gas station.

Instead we have the Dynamic Duo in a breaking apart fake Batcycle after running away. RD: "Maybe they should have renamed Robin Chicken." 

Back at the gas station "Women in Phone Booth" watches Hawkman fighting and getting beat up by Solomon Grundy who ties him to a forklift. (:11)

Black Canary then makes her entrance on her motorcycle in a very curvaceous look. Grundy defeats her and also ties her to the forklift.

In the Lair Riddler has now changed into a Great War fighter pilot for some reason.
Riddler: "If Shakespeare had had my mind, there's no telling how far he might have gone."
He might even rename himself the Puzzler!

Then back to...footage of Captain Marvel "flying" (in the most generous use of the term). Then cut to Huntress running through a park. Then cut to Marvel just walking. He reads some signs making him doubt himself. This summons Riddler dressed still as a fighter pilot as a psychiatrist with a beard and random British accent.

Vince reads the IMDB pages for some reason. His reading of one confuses RD fleetingly.

Marvel tells about his problems while he and Riddler are in the woods. All of a sudden Riddler becomes Yosemite Sam. 

All of a sudden Vince finds a print ad for casting for the special. Oddly, while Superman and Wonder Woman could not be included due to rights issues, Aquaman could - but he wasn't. 

Anyway, this is all part of Riddler's plan to relay the Lair's location (in a lake) rather than just telling him outright. Marvel figures it out anyway, and goes to the gas station to challenge Grundy in...tire throwing. (:23) Actually since they threw really far, Marvel uses the distance to send Grundy off to 'check', thus winning by default. He unties his two colleagues.

Woman in Phone Booth somehow knows that they want a lake and where it is. Canary uses her power of...shouting really loudly to draw in the others. 

Everyone gathers at the lake, annoying Mordru to no end. RD: "You wanted them to find you!" (:25)

So Mordru unleashes his secret weapon...a lemonade stand.

Of course the heroes trustingly and openly drink some. Well actually there is a reason. It's even worse.
Sivana: "Lemonade, mister? Only five cents a glass!"
Marvel: "I don't have time for that now, son."
Sivana: "Oh please sir, please. My ma is sick, and I'm raising my brother and sister, and were gonna get evicted tomorrow and my father's in jail and my grandma croaked and they wouldn't bury my grandma until I come up with the money."
Marvel: "Alright, here. Keep the change."

The heroes are thus unaware of the secret ingredient that would dampen their superpowers. Unless they actually knew but did it deliberately to themselves to make a fair fight. 

The Dynamic Duo don't have any so they just drive straight into the lake which somehow puts them on jet skis. Mordru gets his own jet skis, some disco music plays on the soundtrack, Flash gets a canoe, Lantern and Marvel get rowing, and the women have...a paddle boat.

Everyone is conveniently at last in the Lair.
Riddler: "Gentlemen: we've had our fun, the game is done, the heroes we've outclassed./It proves what we've always said: nice guys finish last."
The villains decide to have celebratory martinis...with the secret ingredient inside it. Unless they actually knew but did it deliberately to themselves because they're all idiots.

Cue what RD considers the worst fight he ever did see because everyone is just fighting normally, despite Robin going on all fours for a schoolboy trip. Of course the heroes stop the device (to applause) and defeat their foes and Batman carries Riddler on his shoulders.

"Hours later" Retired Man tries to fly away...but he's so old he cannot. 

The End.

Vince did not see the Roast because his disc has a bug preventing him from playing it. He wonders why in the ads for that West and Ward did not get much promotion beyond a small byline. (:32)

However Vince wants to go back to the regular series for a bit first since he didn't really like it. He wonders what West would want from this appearance (besides money and a chance to revive Batman). RD ascertains that for Vince to open his "tape world" CD Warehouse it too would take a lot of money.

RD checked to be sure that Laugh-In was around his time.

RD is overseeing big rotational changes to the Arcade.

 

• Special Guest Villain: The Riddler [6+1] (Frank Gorshin) [5+1]

• Screen Shares: 2. Vince, Vince
  
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Shouting
  
• Window Celebrity: 2. Jeff Altman, Marsha Warfield
  

 

Episode 86: Holy Ralph Nader!: April 18, 2023

Legends of the Superheroes (1979)
"A teamup of some of DC Comics' greatest superheroes together, for 2 specials: a race to stop the united supervillains' plot to destroy the earth, then later a roast in tribute to all of the heroes hosted by Ed McMahon."
The Challenge
"The superheroes only have one hour to find Dr. Silvana's Doomsday Machine before it destroys all life on Earth. Their only leads are clues left by the arch villains, each one of which might be a trap."
66 minutes

RD does not have a title because he is live in studio, the first time the Bros have met in person. (He was in the area for his actual working job.) Vince gives him a chair that makes him half a foot shorter. 

RD: "It's what Mr. Potter did in It's A Wonderful Life. I feel like George Bailey."

Vince has no idea about today's entry, a TV variety special with some of the more well known DC superheroes and villains. With the Dynamic Duo's case they had the Riddler, once more played by Frank Gorshin even if 11 years after the show's cancellation. 

RD knew about the other superheroes to inform Vince. This includes Green Arrow's Black Canary who had rather different powers here than the norm, and Helena "Huntress" Wayne, daughter of Catwoman (and Bruce). 

RD only found out about the specials from DC Universe (before some of its content shifted to HBO Max) and watched them with Mrs. Deal. (:06) He didn't expect much, and it didn't disappoint. Vince didn't much want to see people making an appearance just for the paycheck.

Vince makes sure his Dave Meltzer soundbite machine works. RD is both impressed and depressed. "Someone's a little obsessed." 

RD had to rewatch the specials during the layover flight from Las Vegas to Denver, unlike Vince who only saw the first. 

We first meet our Justlice League of America superheroes (:16): Captain "Shazam" Marvel (Vince doesn't think he's a superhero despite utilizing the fury of the gods), Green Lantern (ditto despite his "lame" power ring), Hawkman (who has a bird call among his arsenal), the fairly new Huntress (with "beauty, cunning, and physical prowess" as well as a crossbow), the Flash (RD could not understand the Narrator's description about his superspeed), and Black Canary (who also has a bird call among her arsenal).
"Robin: With his reckless grin, devil may care courage, and incredible gymnastic skills." Cue a stunt double constantly flipping.
"Batman: His symbol a frightening creature of the night, his disguise strikes terror in the criminal heart."
Everyone stands around in a semi-circle. Vince sits closer to the screen, dwarfing RD. 

Narrator (obviously different from our regular series one): "Somewhere in a secret hideout, the archenemies of the superheroes are coming up with a diabolical plot to destroy the entire world."
Their leader of this Legion of Doom is Mordru (the Merciless), who wants to get rid of everyone else so they can...boss themselves as the sole survivors or something.
RD: "It'd be like we destroy the world and it was just me and you. ... I'd find a roof to jump off of."
For some reason Mordru's shooting off of fire and lightning from his hands triggers the laugh track and Vince's befuddlement. He leaves the roll call of their group to Riddler and his slightly different outfit which threw Vince off. There's Sinestro (who uses his power ring to shoot at Riddler), Weather Wizard (enemy of the Flash, making his live action debut being played by a young Jeff Altman by throwing snow at Riddler), Giganta (enemy of Wonder Woman and originally a test subject ape, who tries wrapping a pipe around Riddler), Solomon Grundy (who tries throwing a boulder at Riddler), and Doctor Sivana (enemy of Captain Marvel). He wears a really bad bald cap while running their world destroying device.

Walking through Vince's house full of stuff made RD realize why Vince always thinks there's a warehouse somewhere of Batman props and sets. 

The supervillains need some way to "trick" the JL to come to them, which for some requires riddles. Unfortunately Riddler is only given an hour to make up one. He just needs two seconds.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice Heroes, Batman says a few words. (:32)
"Fellow Superheroes or, in deference to the ladies, Super Persons, we are gathered here tonight to pay tribute to one of our former colleagues, and perhaps the greatest superhero of all. When many of us were, ahem, still in short leotards, this man was saving the world virtually single handedly. Lets have a warm, super welcome for: Retired Man."
Retired Man reclining in a rocking chair was once called Scarlet...Something...Cyclone. RD found Vince's 92 year old father to be more lively.
Vince can't find much on some of the cast on IMDB for some reason. 

Vince took RD to Mile High Comics which he greatly enjoyed, including the life sized Jar Jar Binks statue. (:37) Vince almost bought a LJN Luscious Johnny Valiant figure. He plans to take RD to an Italian buffet. He'd rather talk about that.

Anyway Batman tries to gift Scarlet Something which summons a riddle off-screen. Robin the Boy Wonder Teen Thunderbolt ran off to get it without bothering to put on his leggings first, causing Batman the still Dark Knight to call his underwear-clad ward a "laddie boobie". The riddle gives them 50 minutes (out of 60) before their world destroying device goes off. 

So the League splits up to solve it. The Duo get in a rather odd looking Batmobile (not noticing Sinestro tinkering with it beforehand) and ask the others to meet them at a nearby gas station. 

At their Lair Grundy disguises himself by wearing a hat, then gets to the gas station where the Batmobile coincidentally has engine trouble (which has nothing to do with how cheap it looks). In a phone booth a "wacky mama" (as RD wrote) played by a young Marsha Warfield, is telling the other end about what is going on: "there's a pointy-eared guy that just showed up, and a guy in hot pants and leprechaun booties." Grundy starts attacking the Batmobile so Batman charges at him - and loses, due to not having his stunt double or speech bubbles. 

So the Duo just run away. 

Riddler writes the next riddle on a stone, leading Green Lantern in very tight tights to a fortune teller in a park. (:48) The teller has Lantern write something to determine that he is in fact a superhero. "Give my regards to Tonto," the teller requests of him. From this Lantern figures this is Sinestro's doing, so it's their turn to fight with their power rings. Lantern prevails and sends Sinestro's stunt double flying in a flip. 

Vince wonders why NBC didn't hire actual actors like they did on the show. RD: "Because they had 47 characters on here. ... You have the temerity to say that Ruth Buzzi isn't top level talent?"

Weather Wizard takes his turn in a disguise as the Duo visit him at Honest Al's Used Cars. He offers them a Volkswagen Beetle. Batman wants to make sure the vehicle is road worthy, despite Robin's impatience: "Holy Ralph Nader!" "Al" tries to help by making the driver side door fall to the ground. Unfortunately Batman only has $50 on him, which barely covers a budget Batcycle. 

Back at the gas station Hawkman flies in to fight Grundy. Woman in phone booth: "I ain't coming home for dinner!" Grundy overpowers the hero and ties him to a hydraulic lift. Vince reads more diversions on IMDB and accidentally hits the rimshot button.

Anyway the Batcycle splits cleanly in two and goes in different directions in the split of the special, as RD has to explain his joke to Vince.
Narrator: "Will the Caped Crusader and the Teen Thunderbolt fall victim to the villains' plot? The world is at stake! Stay tuned!"

Vince decides to watch it afterwards, particularly as it is now when Black Canary arrives. 

Vince now reads the articles on WrestleCrap. RD: "I'd like to think I'm friends with everyone."

The Bros swap spaces so RD can finally have his chance at being huge. Then he has to end the recording.

 

• Special Guest Villain: The Riddler [6+1] (Frank Gorshin) [5+1]

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Parking out the door
• Entertain The People: 1 
• Screen Shares: 1. Vince
• RD Time Outs: 1
• Window Celebrity: 2. Jeff Altman, Marsha Warfield
  

Episode 84: Holy Flashlight!: March 26, 2023

A Riddling Controversy
February 9, 1967
"The Riddler now has enough money to buy Professor Charm's Demolecularizer. He demonstrates his weapon on a park statue and issues an ultimatum. If all criminal statutes are not rescinded, he will begin dissolving all buildings in Gotham."
70 minutes

RD: Not ready to walk on 3 legs. He has a show to record after all. He also rearranged his tables. While in TNA Vince received a Batman (66) train for Christmas. 

Catcher Todd Pratt was born on the airdate. Vince relates how he didn't go with TNA on an Australian tour since he took Jeremy Borash with him to watch the Mets at Giants. Somehow he was recognized there by some Mets. Pratt threw him a baseball. (:05)

Narrator: "When last we saw our beleaguered battlers they were slowly sinking in a bitter batter of Riddler quicksand. A grim and gritty end awaits them unless something awfully good happens awfully fast."

Robin: "Holy Titanic, Batman! We're going down for the last time!"
Batman: "Don't be a pessimist, Robin. Many of those who survived that tragedy did so by remaining calm and treading water until help arrived. And Jack had plenty of space to float on that piece."
(Glad of him to leave out that the bulk of the survivors were actually in lifeboats, and those in the water froze to death.)
Robin: "But this is quicksand!"
Batman: "I know, Robin. But I seem to recall a recent report on jungle survival which indicated that
many victims of quicksand are victims because of their own panic."
Robin: "Not doing a lot for my nerves!"
Batman: "The specific gravity of quicksand approximates that of water. If we remain calm and motionless we shouldn't sink much farther than your lower lip." 

Blade Vince tries a joke. RD is puzzled.

Sure enough the Duo are still buoyant.
Batman: "We won't have to float long, old chum, if our experimental Heel-and-Toe Batrockets perform as well as they should."
Robin: "Experimental Heel-and-Toe Batrockets? Haven't been tested yet."
Batman: "Let's not put off till tomorrow what we can do today, Robin."
It works (as RD predicted they would), and their dummies are pulled out on ropes.

Narrator: "Later at the Riddler's hideout in the soon to be opened Noman Jigsaw Puzzle Factory, the  magic of electronics provides the Riddler and his band of malevolent yeoman with a fascinating  account of their latest criminal coup." (:16)

Said magic comes in the form of...a televised news report on the robbery by the "light-fingered" Riddler, who flexes in response. 

Anchor: "The following riddle left at the scene of the crime provides [Gordon's] only clue. "When is an eagle's nest blessed best?""
Riddler: "That mealy-mouth faker. Issued a joint statement with Batman and Robin, did he? Well, he knows and we know that the Caked Crusaders are defunct, departed, demised, dead!"
Anna: "What if he isn't lying?"
He responds by grabbing and embracing her close to him for some reason. "Even if it were possible,
it couldn't matter less. One more cunning caper and I'll have the prize of Professor Charm's  demolecularizer. Then let them send the regiment of Batmen against me!"

Vince does not sense any fear or menace from this Riddler. RD just sees Gomez Addams.

In the Office both Duos are trying to figure out the riddle.
Gordon: "Seems to me that any nest is most blessed when there are little ones in it."
Robin is first to think of an actual eagle's nest. Batman links it to the Aerie, a nightclub atop the Gotham City State Building, "a favorite watering place for Gotham City's elite."
They also think there may be a connection to "Anthony Aquila, the exiled dictator from South America" who has $1 million in a wall safe. Batman has the "ingenious tactic" to...have the police secure the nightclub while they go to Aquila's penthouse. "There's treasure at both ends of the rainbow, commissioner."

Narrator: "Meanwhile, in Anthony Aquila's palatial penthouse reproduction of his former plantation  home, the Riddler and his bearers lurk in the underbrush." (:25)

For some reason there is some extensive overdubbing as Riddler cracks the safe while swinging a machete. "There it is, you nearsighted nitwits."

Batman: "Riddler, come out of the bush and surrender! As a duly deputized peace officer I order you to  drop that sack and give yourself up!"
Riddler: "Impossible! Fifteen feet of lethal quicksand!"
Across: "They sure don't look defunct to me, Riddler."
Down: "Or demised, departed and dead."
Riddler: "How? How did they survive?"
Robin: "Right was on our side, that's how!" 

Cue an early fight where the stunt doubles easily handle the goons and corner Riddler. Of course since it's too early in the episode he already took hostage Anthony Aquila dressed as Fidel Castro hostage in a large cage. (You'd think that if Castro lived anywhere up north it would be in Florida instead of New Jersey, no?)

Riddler: "I prepared this tricky cage in case the news report was true and you two showed up. In mere moments, an explosive charge inside that ticking green box will send Senor Aquila and his palatial penthouse higher than any eagle has ever flown. Unless you and junior here unlock the secret to these  battling bars and disarm the bomb in time. Well, adiós, amigos!"

Robin proves a point for once, determining that removing one rod will unlock the cage. Batman pulls it out and proves his sidekick right. Of course there is no bomb, just a donkey's tail to pin on the man. 

Finally having his $3 million in his lair, Riddler hands the money in a crocodile suitcase to Professor Charm. The latter already has his demolecularizer with him as he pulls out a pen.
Riddler: "You want me to pay $3 million for an 89 cent pencil flashlight?"
Charm: "That 89 cents pencil flashlight, as you call it, Mr. Riddler, is, in reality, a highly sophisticated weapon which took a lifetime to develop. Powerful enough to disrupt the molecular structure of matter, yet so simply designed that it can be recharged by plugging it in any household electrical outlet."
He demonstrates by zapping a hat into nothingness.
Riddler: "Make it come back now."
Charm: "It isn't yet possible. I haven't even began work on the molecular storer for lack of funds."
Riddler has to make do by once again embracing Anna.
RD: "Imagine if Anna Gram spoke French."

In response to the Riddler's threat (after freeing himself from Anna no doubt) the Batmobile pulls up to a large statue where the Undynamic Duo are. (:35) Robin walks over the Batmobile again.
Gordon: "Do you think he would dare desecrate the statue of our revered war hero right here in Coley
Square?"
Batman: "A life of crime has worn the Riddler's moral fiber to a frayed strand, Commissioner. He may  have little respect for the memory of the great Marshall Coley."
Of course they do nothing as the Riddler walks up, zaps the statue, then...just walks off.
Robin: "Holy Houdini!
O'Hara: "Great slithering snakes!"
Batman: "Careful, Chief O'Hara. Whatever unknown force was employed in dematerializing Marshall Coley's statue may have left a contaminating residue on the pedestal."

Just then a delivery boy peddles up.
Boy: "Someone here called "Batman"?"
Batman: "Yes. I'm Batman."
Boy: "Telegram."
Riddler-Gram: ""Unless Gotham City is declared an open city, and all criminal statutes rescinded within two hours, police headquarters will disappear as surely and as quickly as Marshall Coley's statue.""
O'Hara: "That swaggering peacock! Oh, he's only bluffing."
Riddler-Gram: ""If the city fathers refuse to capitulate after police headquarters is gone, building after  building will disappear until they do.""
Batman: "To confound us further, the telegram ends with a riddle. "What is it that travels on all fours in the morning on two legs at noon, and three at twilight? If you intend to follow me, add the answer to the other three.""
Gordon: "What can we do, Batman?"
Batman: "It saddens me, Commissioner, but I just don't know."

Yes, the World's Greatest Detective has one weakness: not knowing basic Greek mythology. 

Thankfully Robin did not skip that lesson at school, and knows it refers to mankind. 

Batman: "Now let's concentrate on the last part of Riddler's challenge. "If you intend to follow me, add the answer to the other three." We'll select the keywords from each of the first three riddles. Page,  banquet, eagle's nest and man. For instance, the letter P in the word "page" is the 16th letter in the alphabet. Using numerical positions in the alphabet as a common denominator, we then add the number two for banquet and five for eagles - "
Robin: "And 13 for man."
Batman: "And the total?"
Robin: "36."
Batman: "36. Thirty-six inches in a yard or three feet. And who has three feet to you? No one. Or NO MAN. I seem to recall a recent announcement of a factory opening by that name. Robin, activate the remote Bat Computer again."
Sure enough, they obtain the factory's address.

Batman: "Commissioner, could you arrange for the immediate delivery of four 100-pound sacks of sodium dichloride to the Batcopter? I'll explain later."
Gordon agrees without question, since as he's not a chemist he wouldn't really know that such a compound could not technically exist.
Batman: "Do not, I repeat, do not capitulate to any of Riddler's demands until you hear from me under any circumstances."
Gordon: "You have my word on that too, Batman."
Robin: "What are we gonna do with four 100-pound sacks of sodium dichloride, Batman?"
Batman: "Checkmate Riddler. Hopefully."

Narrator: "While the Caped Crusaders race against approaching doom, their impatient adversary frets away the remaining minutes." (:42)
He does this by chewing out his goons for playing cards, then has Anna turn on the television to see O'Hara make more of a fool for himself.
Riddler: "Poor Chief O'Hara, knocking himself out looking all over the building for the demolecularizer when it's hidden in the commissioner's office. On my way back from Marshall Coley Square I plugged it into an ordinary electrical outlet behind the commissioner's couch. If the commissioner follows my instructions and issues a capitulation proclamation in precisely 4:55 p.m, I'll call him and tell him how to deactivate the automatic trigger: turn the wall switch to the off position."

Cut to a shot of the Batcopter.
Narrator: "Meanwhile, the Dynamic Duo wings across the city with their cargo of sodium dichloride."

Then back to the lair. The TV news anchor announces that Gordon is still in HQ facing off against "wanton lawlessness".

Then back to the Batcopter Batcycle pulling up to the factory. The Duo have no time to walk up three storeys and get out the Batropes.  

Then back inside. A sudden onset of clouds appear over the HQ. There is a flash of lightning...and the building is still standing.
Riddler: "I knew it was a cheap flashlight. Flashlight! FLASHLIGHTTT!"

The Duo burst in through the window. Batman had used the fake compound to cloud seed a lightning bolt to neutralize the "fiendish weapon".
Robin: "As usual, your riddles led us right to you."
Riddler: "You've made the mistake of being predictable yourselves with your legendary window  entrances. Riddle me this: when is a floor like a puzzle?"
He opens a trapdoor under the Duo but they evade it, leading to another fight. Riddler responds to the stunt doubles by using his own 40 pounds lighter. Unsurprisingly this does not work for him.

Anna's attempts to flee are stopped by...O'Hara holding on to her.
Anna: "Let go of me, you blue-footed baboon!"
O'Hara: "I'll bet she's the toughest one of the bunch."
Robin: "She's the only one still kicking."
He then sells almost getting kicked in the head.

Despite this and her willingness to do evil, Vince can only give her a "very generous" 5 Batpoles. RD: "Are you insane?" He thought her cute (like me) for 8. Vince: "That is your worst rating in the history of this show." He thinks he is drawn to redheads. RD tries to respond with screen captures. Vince is not convinced.
Sadly Deanna Lund is no longer with us to settle this dispute. Among her work she was most well known for appearing in Irwin Allen's Land of the Giants, showing sometime after this episode. 

In the Office, Professor Charm manages to get away with most of his involvement by...returning all the money. (:51)
Gordon: "Coming forward voluntarily with the stolen charity money should tip the scales of justice in your favor, professor."
Charm: "No man can live with the wails of hungry children on his conscience."
Batman: "Professor, when you've paid your debt to society, you'll be able to continue your scientific studies, under the wing of the Gotham City Science Institute."
Charm (suddenly overcome with emotion): "I don't know how to thank you Batman, for arranging my membership."
Batman: "You can thank our friend Bruce Wayne. Mr. Wayne persuaded the membership to lower the  customary educational requirements. Robin, we should take this money to the Wayne Foundation before the close of business hours." (The Duo exit with the "donated" money to pay themselves.)
Charm: "Amazing man. Do you know who is under that mask of his?"
Gordon: "To us, professor, who he is is nowhere near as important as where he is at all times."

Vince looks through his phone to find a picture of (brunette) Mrs. Deal.
RD: "He's gonna find it. He's gonna either say "oh, she's a brunette" or he's gonna say "well the lighting in this, bro, kind of makes it, bro, look like she's a redhead, bro.""
Vince then changes his color to auburn.
RD: "You do need new glasses."
Junior always has a look of confusion on his face since he has to deal with his old man.
Vince continues to find odd pictures on his phone.

RD continues to be busy with things for the next couple of weeks.

Andy "Neck Brace" Kaufman will be in the WWE Hall of Fame. RD wants Bill Apter to induct (and then also enter). Knowing McMahon he would probably ask Michael Stipe. Or Jim Carrey as Michael Stipe.

Vince needs to take a bath.
RD: "I don't want you thinking about my 8 in the tub."

• Special Guest Villain: The Riddler [6] (John Astin)
  

 

• Screen Shares: 3. RD, RD, RD
• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Lightning bolt
• Entertain The People: 1

Episode 83: Holy Quicksand!: March 19, 2023

Batman's Anniversary
February 8, 1967
"During a party for Batman's crime-fighting anniversary, the Riddler appears and nabs a golden calf filled with money for charity. His next target is the Gotham City Bank, which he floods for an underwater robbery. Although Batman and Robin try to stop him, the villain makes a clean getaway, leaving only a final riddle that stumps the Caped Crusaders. They discover all too late that his next move is an attempt to destroy them, this time with deadly quicksand disguised as strawberry icing atop a giant cake."
54 minutes

RD: Mesmerized by Anna Gram. I am mesmerized by John Astin's attempt at the Riddler, a story just after Morticia Addams (and some time after Lurch).

Also RD hopes he has fun with Vince, although he seems to already.

RD promises to review 1979's Legend of the Superheroes and its roast version.

Narrator: "Gotham City, a glistening jewel in a sun-filled landscape on a day when all seems right with the world. But in Stately Wayne Manor, some of life's answers still prove elusive." (:08)

Cut to Dick drawing an extensive diagram. "Gosh, Bruce, I'm not really sure how important it is to know the maximum number of pieces a pie will yield after six cuts."
Braless Aunt Harriet: "Well, if you had a house full of guests and only one pie you'd find it was important."
Bruce (armed with a (Bat)protractor): "The trick to this pie puzzle, Dick, is to discover a rule that will give you the maximum number of pieces for any given number of cuts. Now, notice... (He cuts on the cake.) Thank you. Cut number one yields two pieces. Cut number two yields four pieces. (Condescendingly) Do you detect any pattern yet, Dick?"
Alfred whispers for the Batphone.
Harriet: "Oh, Alfred, I'm certainly glad I have you!"

Gordon: "A very serious situation has arisen, Batman. I'm afraid it's of such vital importance and might have such far-reaching consequences, I think we should not even discuss it over the Batphone. ... Now, if you will go directly to the Gotham Plaza Hotel, I'll explain further."
Dick: "Holy cryptology, what was that all about?"
Bruce: "I don't know, Dick. The Commissioner is not given to unnecessary alarm."

Surprisingly going to the Batpoles does not lead to the titles. Instead they lead to the Hotel, (Batman: "Better three hours too soon than a minute late") and Gordon taking him to a ballroom...where of course it's just a surprise party for him. Batman wipes an imaginary tear from his eyes for the honor which finally gives the commercial break.

When we return the big band plays Happy Birthday with the Batman theme. Mayor Linseed says a few words on how the luncheon, "one of many", is to mark the Dark Knight's first work by going against the earlier corrupt Commissioner who was working with crime boss Carmine Falcone. 

For this endeavor the "Gotham City Dairymen's League" have donated $200,000 in a golden calf for his "favorite charity", presented by Milkmaid of the Month Anna Gram. Everyone asks for a speech, including Robin shouting last and directly in Batman's ear. He barely has time to start when bombs explode releasing green gas.
Batman: "Citizens, stay calm! Make your way to the exits slowly!"

Somehow the fire department is already here, despite there being no fire. Of course this is a cover for the Riddler to appear as his men and Anna carry off the golden calf.
Riddler: "Salutations and consolations anniversary boy!"
Batman: "Riddler, that money is for charity."
Riddler: "I'll see that it gets into needy hands. In the meantime, I suggest you look for an engaging page to herald the next of my anniversary surprises. Ta ta!" (He jumps out the window onto a life net.)
Robin: "Holy trampoline!"

Gordon and actual firemen then come late as is their custom.
Batman: "There's no need for axes. There was no fire. Merely a well-planned smoke screen to hide the Riddler's theft of the golden calf."
Gordon: "That enigmatic egotist back to plague our fair city?"

As the Duo exit they see one blue van painted red for the Gotham City Emergency Squad, and another follow close behind.
Batman: "One vehicle is set on an evil course, the other on an errand of mercy. We can't risk stopping the wrong one."
Robin: "Luck is no lady today, that's for sure."
Batman: "Luck generally comes to those who look for it, Robin."
A nearby newsie sells the latest Gotham City Herald for 10 cents so Batman buys a copy to check the puzzle page for any clues.
Robin (shouting all of a sudden): "WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? LET'S SOLVE THAT PUZZLE!"

Narrator: "Meanwhile, in his hideout in the soon-to-be-opened Noman Jigsaw Puzzle Factory, the Prince of Puzzlers coaxes his cohorts in a chorus of praise." (:24)
Riddler: "Tell me again, you cringing knaves, am I not the king? Breathes there another mortal who has absconded with a $200,000 anniversary present from under the cowl of the Caped Crusader?"
Goons (lifelessly): "No, Riddler, no one."
Anna: "And who else would be clever enough to turn in a false fire alarm?"
Riddler: "So the real rescue truck would run interference for my escape. Ha ha! What a marvelous piece of riddling genius that was. But I've only started with the Caped Crusaders. I'm going to confound them with conundrums unnerve them with enigmas, perplex them with puzzles until they wish they were dead. Then, my jigsaw jackanapes, then I'll grant their wish."

Riddler's uncharacteristic bloodlust for the Dynamic Duo's death  (much like Catwoman one time) makes the Duo think Astin would have been far better playing another villain. Vince suggests a returning Puzzler. But at least he wasn't trying to copy Frank Gorshin. 

Anyway, this Riddler gives his goons scuba outfits for the next step, then pulls Anna in close. RD thinks her clothes were very tight. Vince did not think much on her figure. 

In the Batcave the Duo continue to work on the crossword on a chalkboard while Robin still thinks about pie.
Batman: "This puzzle's given us a few minutes of mental exercise but it still has to provide us with a clue Riddler promised it would."
From this they learn about another banquet for Batman, hosted by the Sons of Balboa who will donate $100,000...for some reason in the form of a chest of gold doubloons.
Vince: "Like the chocolate with the gold foil."
RD wonders how Batman will cash it. 

Gordon calls: a vault in the Gotham City Bank has just been flooded.
Robin: "A flooded vault."
Batman: "Or a flooded bank."
Robin: "A bank wet, Batman."
Batman: "No doubt Riddler intended to divert us to the wrong banquet...No doubt a wily ruse of some kind. We'll need our Batrespirators."

Narrator: "While the champions of justice race to the Gotham City Bank, the Riddler and his frogmen are already at work in its watery vault room." (:34)

The show does a good job of making a flooded vault, which the villains show off by moving in slow motion as they blow open a safe and fill up a waterproof loot sack as the Movie theme plays (also in slow motion). The Duo arrive to cue up the series' one and only underwater fight; their stunt doubles fight in slow motion while the capes remain still and the Narrator's word bubbles are all watery. The Bros would have watched this all day.
Riddler manages to distract Batman from following by pulling out Robin's Batrespirator while the theme continues to play in slow motion.
Goons: "Worked like a charm, Riddler."
Riddler: "Why not? There's a difference between a Batman and a frogman."

Leaving the vault all wet the Duo find the next riddle speared on a door.
Batman: "Only Riddler and his ilk would have such a flagrant disregard for private property! This door will have to be repaired!"
Robin: "What does that giggling gorilla have to say this time?"
Batman: "Another one of his canny conundrums. "When is a man drowned but still not wet?""

Narrator: "Back in the soon-to-be-opened Noman Jigsaw Puzzle Factory, the Prince of Puzzlers tallies his ill-gotten gains."
This requires the goons to literally launder the money, totaling $1.5 million and one, half of what is needed for their plans.

Riddler: "You shallow-brained simpletons, where's your imagination? Your ambition? Why do I have to keep reminding you? Three million dollars will buy us a weapon so awesome, so destructive, so  terrifying, the Gotham City fathers will get down on their miserable knees and offer me anything not to  use it. The entire city will be mine, mine, mine! Caped Crusaders will be wherever it is Caped Crusaders go...when they're dead."
His goons take a delay before they laugh with him.

He then gets visited by a Professor Avery Evans Charm, who needs the amount to complete his "Demolecularizer" "and watch the members of the Gotham City Science Institute quake at my handiwork." He needs the revenge since...he's a high school dropout.
Riddler: "So am I."

Narrator: "When is a man drowned but still not wet? Unaware of the ghastly fate that awaits them, the Caped Crusaders struggle valiantly to solve the Riddler's latest conundrum." (:42)
Not even the Batcomputer "Bat Mo & Ind Computer" can help, whatever that is.
Alfred then appears to remind them of their schedule. "I understand that the Gotham City Baker's Guild
has prepared a rather unique cake in your honor, and wishes you and Master Robin to, uh, pose for the sculptured, uh, marshmallow figures of yourselves which will top the confection."

The cake is a giant one for some reason.
Batman: "It is rather formidable, isn't it?"
One of the goons is pretending to be a chef (Down is his name, Across is the other) and somehow towers over the Duo. He asks them to stand on top of the cake because they need to make a mold of their posing. Of course the Duo find nothing wrong with this, their minds still being on other things.
Batman: "That's the second appointment we've forgotten today, Robin, the final ceremony at Gotham Square Park. In which the funds accumulated in our honor will be turned over to our favorite charity."
The Bros wonder what this charity is, completely forgetting the Wayne Foundation. 

The Duo get on top just as Riddler shows his face, also in a chef's outfit.
Riddler: "Congratulations, Bat brain, you've risen to the occasion."
He pulls a giant lever next to him and the Duo start to sink into quicksand.
Batman: "Riddler's own prepared mix, cleverly disguised as strawberry icing."
Riddler: "That's right, you sinking saps. Quicksand, 15 feet of it. Call it an anniversary present. Sorry I can't stay around to see you descend into oblivion, pastry faces, but I have an appointment to keep with some money at Gotham Square Park."
He then sings his own "Happy Anniversary" before departing.

Batman: "I did think it would all end differently, somehow less ignominiously. To drown in my own anniversary cake."
Robin: "Drown? But in quicksand?"
Batman: "Yes, old chum. Death in quicksand is technically drowning."
Robin: "That's it, Batman! The answer to the riddle! When is a man drowned but still not wet? We'll be drowned, but in quicksand so we won't get wet. Excellent! You've done it again!"
Batman: "Lot of good it'll do us now, though."

Narrator: "Can this be true? Batman and Robin caught in a quicksand cake mix? Is the party really over? Will Happy Anniversary be an epitaph for the Dynamic Duo? To see if they sink or swim, tune in tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!" 

Vince: "AEW had a match in an arcade?" 

RD wants to send his glasses to Vince so he can see better.

• Special Guest Villain: The Riddler [6] (John Astin)
  

 

• Blue Van: 1. (Red)
  

Episode 37: Holy Jumble!: April 17, 2022

Batman: The Movie (1966) (Part Three)
"The Dynamic Duo faces four supervillains who plan to hold the world for ransom with the help of a secret invention that instantly dehydrates people."
76 minutes

[Part One, in which the Dynamic Duo are saved by an almost human porpoise.]
[Part Two, in which the Dark Knight just can't get rid of a bomb.]

"RD Prefers Water Light & Soft" Vince blames him for giving his beleaguered website colleague Jeff Lane confusion light and soft for again giving him trouble with episode numbering. RD gives some random words ala Blade. Vince: "Interesting."

RD learned the movie was released between the seasons.

The Duo take Penguin to the Batcave, unaware of his pocket G.P. guinea pigs. (:05) They awaken him, and of course the first thing he does is squawk before he remembers he must be British and asks for a glass of water. Batman directs him to the clearly marked water dispenser to "slay your thirst". Penguin responds with ten dollar pound words as he gets his goons in a row re-hydrated. 

RD is confused by the furniture around the house without any signs or labels.

Robin: "Holy hallucinations!"
Batman: "It's five dehydrated pirates re-hydrated!"

However Penguin has failed to notice he has moved a switch from light to heavy water (used within the atomic pile). Batman kicks the supposedly now 'anti-matter' goons into nothingness as a cow moos for some reason.Vince wonders if this could be Botchamania worthy. RD pretends to call Maffew. Robin makes a sad face as he wonders if he may have been involved in vigilante manslaughter. Batman: "No, Robin, they're not coming back. Not in this universe." 

Penguin tries to hang on a ladder rather than just run out the nearby exit. Batman thinks the "Commodore" was coerced into working for the villains to sneak in their goons, so they gas him and take him out in a now two-rowed Batmobile. Robin wonders what their plan now is. Batman responds by giving him an Anti-Penguin gas pill. They then wake up the Penguin again (who responds with a "good morning") then deliberately stop the Batmobile. Penguin immediately gasses them with his umbrella, then assumes control of the returned Birdmobile. 

The Duo then get their stunt doubles to go 200 miles per hour on a very unsafe Mobile Batcycle to get to the Batcopter to track him, during which they de-attach Robin's side-car go-kart to go an additional 25 feet. Vince wonders what happened to all the vehicular props as the series went on. RD wonders why they didn't just reuse the footage. 

Meanwhile the other villains are back in the submarine. (:22)
Catwoman: "Penguin finished Batman by now."
Riddler: "Why, that miserable waddling mountebank of a bird? He couldn't finish a bag of popcorn!"
He launches more riddle missiles (riddiles?) as Joker shouts at him like an "inept dad", one of which actually hits the Batcopter. Batman: "This could be the end!" RD adjusts his headphones as an eyepatch to look like Batman. Thankfully they land on "foam rubber in its crudest form" at a wholesaler's convention. Batman notes the astronomical odds, already forgetting that he was saved by an almost human porpoise.

Solving the riddles with more twisted logic they discover the villains' plan to hit the United World Organization during a meeting of its Security Council.
Robin: "Let's commandeer a taxi!"
Batman: "No, Robin. Not at this time of day. Luckily, we're in tip-top condition. It'll be faster if we run."
Cue their stunt doubles running in front of a rear-projection.

Catwoman's tight outfit as she takes her turn looking through a periscope enticed RD as well as another goon. Penguin rejoins the group as they disembark the docked submarine and blow up the doors using Riddler's wax and some meandering cats. (:31) Penguin launches a gas-spraying umbrella straight towards the camera like a javelin causing two guards to fall into an arch.
Penguin: "Hold your breaths as we cross the hall. There are still lingering traces of my finely filtered Penguin gas."
The Bros find it funny they didn't come with gas masks for such a situation, even if he did warn them.

The villains find the nine council members engaged in a stereotypical shouting match over world peace, paying them no attention as they zap them into differently colored powders. The Duo enter an elevator where Batman ad-libs trying to find the right button to press. 

In the chamber he shouts at the villains, who have all gone back to their regular masks, to surrender, or risk getting hit by their Batarangs. Catwoman manages to get their group to escape by threatening Kitka. At least Penguin remembered to put his monocle over his mask.

They find the state of the council due to the "fiendishly clever" machinations.
Robin: "Where does that elevator go?"
Batman: "Downstairs, obviously...We have just one trump card left, Robin. Heaven help the world if we fail."

Back in the submarine the villains are finally happy together for once, as they plan to ransom the powdered members for $1 billion each. This lasts for all of 60 seconds. Then Riddler goes to launch more riddiles as Dad Joker shouts at him to be straight for once. (Yes, even the Joker of all people has his limits.) Catwoman flirts with a very confused Penguin while laying on top of a piano in what looks to be tight body-paint. Penguin: "Shut up, you feline floozy!"

The Batboat closes in on the submarine so Riddler has to fire at them (ideally straight on target). Having studied the riddiles earlier Batman has tuned the Bat-Transmitter for Robin to deflect them away from the Duo. "Holy Bikini!" They then fire Batcharges to try and surface the submarine. Penguin orders his goons to "run silent, run deep." Dad Joker decides to rise anyway for the sake of their lives and their captives. 

The Duo themselves decide to get on top of the submarine instead of using their doubles, which has Batman fighting with a giant wrench for some reason (and not even a Batwrench). Dad Joker takes the opportunity to punch Riddler overboard. 

Catwoman throws a fake cat at Batman who holds on to it while fighting before putting it in a life boat: "Bon voyage, Pussy," he whispers in post-production. She kicks them off where they fight in the water before the Duo suddenly subdue the male villains and tie them to the top of the sub. She tries to escape into the vessel but trips and loses his mask, leading Batman to finally realize she was Kitka all along. He stares forlornly into the empty air with tears in his eyes for a full minute as Finella's song plays. 

Robin: "Holy heartbreak!"
Batman: "It's just one of those things...in the life...of every crimefighter...it means nothing...slap on the Batcuffs...say no more Robin...it could be compromising."

This was Lee Meriweather's only turn as the Catwoman, among a television career that still continues to recent days. The Bros thought she did a good job under the circumstances and give her 8 Batpoles. 

Batman calls the Coast Guard to pick up the submarine "filled with human jettison". (:54) Perhaps his heart break hardened him against the possible redemption of his fellow man. He then goes back down to gather the vials before they fall off the table. The real Commodore then appears, trips, knocks the vials out of his hands, then sneezes, sending the dust everywhere.
Robin: "Holy jumble! Where's the hope of the world now?" 

This necessitates having to use the Batcave's Super Molecular Dust Separator. Batman, not wearing his gloves, updates Gordon on the case, so he in turn can update President Johnson. The backs of Aunt Harriet and Alfred are simulcast during this. Sadly neither Bro has a screen capture, so Vince instead shows his phone with Stephanie (McMahon) not wearing her wedding ring. 

Batman is making sure the "ethnic and national factors" are as they should be. Robin suggests some mixing up for a different and perhaps better outcome, but Batman reminds him why this is a bad idea from earlier experience with the anti-matter pirates. They say this just as the separating completes, so Batman tells Gordon to tell Johnson to tell the countries of the world (all two of them during the Cold War, right?).

The vials are taken back to the Security Council, where Batman, holding a regular garden hose hooked up to a "light water soft" water dispenser, takes a solemn moment before telling Robin to turn it on. It works and the members are back to arguing without missing a beat...except they are all now shouting in different languages.

Robin: "What about this?"
Batman: "Who knows, Robin? This strange mixing of minds may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity. Let's go, but, inconspicuously, through the window. We'll use our Batropes. Our job is finished."

THE LIVING END......?

Vince has yet to find the movie on Blu-Ray but found Meredith's skin complexion smooth. RD finds the movie made $4 million on a $1.4 million budget, a commercial success. 

Next time is a return to the series, in a new second season of 60 episodes. RD estimates it will take a year and two months to get through at their pace. The third season has another 26.

RD will be a very tall Easter bunny who will not be playing whack-a-mole.

 

• Special Guest Villains: Catwoman [2] (Lee Meriwether), The Joker [4] (Cesar Romero) [4], The Penguin [4] (Burgess Meredith) [4], The Riddler [5] (Frank Gorshin) [5]

• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Foam rubber in its crudest form
  

Episode 36: Holy Bomb!: April 10, 2022

Batman: The Movie (1966) (Part Two)
"The Dynamic Duo faces four supervillains who plan to hold the world for ransom with the help of a secret invention that instantly dehydrates people."
67 minutes

[Part One, in which the Dynamic Duo are saved by an almost human porpoise.]
[Part Three, in which the Boy Wonder helps kill radioactive goons.]

Vince gives himself applause. "You Also Can't Get Rid of RD". Vince gives him boos.

Former WCW Head Writer Vince Russo finds writing about a Batman TV series is "the most ridiculous thing in the world", even more so than wrestling. He does it extensively anyway since he knows RD does too on his end. 

The Duo do a choreographed walk around Gordon's office to confirm "his blackest fears" of what they are up against.
Gordon: "The sum of the angles of that rectangle is too monstrous to contemplate!"
Batman: "We've been given the plainest warning. They're working together to take over... "
O'Hara: "Take over what, Batman? Gotham City?"
Batman: "Any two of them would try that!"
Gordon: "The whole country?"
Batman: "If it were three of them, I would say yes, but four? Their minimum objective must be...the entire world." 

The villains are in fact next planning to strike the United Nations World Organization, headquartered in Gotham. (:09) Catwoman is upset at the men for letting the Duo escape. Penguin: "Passing porpoises which intercept torpedoes! There ought to be a piscivorous statute!" He plans to send his exploding octopus after them. Riddler thinks they should trap and launch them using a riddle from the Joker's "Jack in the Box" into the octopus. To do this they need Catwoman as Kitka to help kidnap Bruce, poor multimillionaire.

RD wonders how Bruce would not notice Kitka visiting Stately Wayne Manor was Catwoman, much like how Gordon doesn't notice Bruce was Batman. Kitka tells him his picture is a constant presence in the Moscow Bugle. Vince thinks it's because of his philanthropy. I think it's for the Soviets to highlight the decadent actions of a capitalist proletariat playboy or so. She also has some riddles that she wants to give to "that masked Cossack Batman". Bruce is thinking too much on wanting to take her to dinner to notice the way she replies "purrr-fect". Vince thinks he knows who she really is but he doesn't want to think it. 

Bruce has Alfred cancel his earlier plans (Mrs. Deal thought it was another date) then goes down to the Batcave to figure things out with Robin.
Batman: "What has yellow skin and writes?"
Robin: "A ballpoint banana!"
Batman: "What people are always in a hurry?"
Robin: "Russians!"
Batman: "Now what would you say they mean?"
Robin: "Someone Russian is going to slip on a banana peel and break their neck!"
Batman: "Precisely, Robin!"
He vows to protect Kitka for "being in favor of international relations", or he will bash Riddler "brutally". He asks the two to follow him and Kitka on their date (after he makes sure Alfred has his driver's license), then leaves via the Compressed Steam Batpole Lift.

Bruce's attempts to woo Kitka at dinner (:20) include two buccaneers as violinists and sitting in a horse-drawn carriage. The Batmobile follows them slowly, driven by Alfred wearing a derby and a Lone Ranger mask with his glasses over it. At a rather dingy nightclub they dance to the tones of Julie "Finella" Gregg, sadly singing to a somewhat bad song instead of doing any odd poses.

Bruce: "This curtain which separates our countries is so foolish. If we could just contrive some way of getting more deeply involved with each other."
Kitka: "Da, we must search for such a method." 

She whispers something to him as Robin and Alfred watch in the Batmobile from a rather weird camera angle. Robin wants to leave them be to call Gordon to light the Batsignal to draw out the criminals (Alfred likes to watch) as they pass the Benedict Arnold monument. RD: "What kind of city is this?" Vince is confused by their usage of stunt doubles in wide shots of the carriage.

Kitka: "I close my eyes and l dream of all those savage Cossacks racing over the steppes on their brutal mission."
Bruce: "How strange. I close my eyes, and I dream of something quite astonishingly different."
Kitka tries to discreetly use her Cat-Transmitter to inform her colleagues while holding Bruce and making cross-eyed smiles. Bruce continues to keep his eyes closed: "It approaches a climax." 

At her penthouse Kitka finally kisses Bruce, then goes to change while he has his cocoa. Even Robin who is still watching all this on camera has his limits, to the displeasure of Alfred. She appears wearing a rather sensual pink robe that overwhelms Bruce so much he recites a few lines of Poe. At least he still has his book smarts. Vince thinks RD should do the same with his wife. 

Before they can get any summit going the others villains break in through the window, descending on the Penguin's flying umbrellas while wearing masks for some reason. Bruce vows to kill them all for his Bat blue balls before fighting in a style that looks strangely familiar to Batman's. Let me clarify. Adam West fights in a style that looks strangely familiar to Batman's, and he does a good job of it outside the suit and cowl and stunt double. But he gets overwhelmed, and Robin checks too late to find they are gone.
Robin: "Holy demolition!"
Alfred: "Bless my dustpan!"
RD was saddened Catwoman was not riding side-saddle on an umbrella.

At the lair the villains are confused by Batman's lateness. (:36) Bruce continues to vow death and destruction if Kitka was harmed, so Catwoman has him blindfolded to see "her". RD is confused why he still hasn't made the connection yet after seeing the two with his own eyes. Vince thinks he's too in love. "Love is blind." RD: "And so is Bruce."

Bruce: "This nasty soup we're in is largely of my own brewing."
Kitka reassures him that Batman will come to save them. Not expecting him to show up, Bruce has his eye-rolling "captive" get his hidden transmitter up his shirt sleeve. "Capitalists, like myself, who carry large sums of money, often have such safety contrivances." 

This cues yet another fight with West. Since he is actually fighting this means the villains have to take their turn with obvious stunt doubles. In the confusion a goon is sprung out the window into the exploding octopus. Bruce runs out, searching for Miss Kitka, before jumping out a window onto a roof and then into the sea. He reemerges at Stately Wayne Manor completely dry, assuring Gordon who is there waiting for him that things are fine. 

The villains lament yet another plan failing, so they have to resort to the Commodore's secret ingredient invention: instant whiskey maker total dehydrator. (:45) 

Penguin orders Riddler to fetch goons dressed as guinea pigs, then zaps them into piles of dust that can be later rehydrated back to normal form. He orders the piles kept in separate vials which he will take with him as part of his plan to infiltrate the Batcave from the inside: "Careful, careful, every one of them has a mother." Catwoman just brooms them up all haphazardly anyway.

The Duo arrive at the dock and take their time on a barely connected Batarang to climb a low wall.
Robin: "When you think, Batman, with people in weird outfits, like the four supercrooks hangin' around, it's amazing someone hasn't already reported this place to the police!"
Batman: "It's a low neighborhood, full of rumpots. They're used to curious sights, which they attribute to alcoholic delusions."
Robin: "Gosh, drink is sure a filthy thing, isn't it? I'd rather be dead than unable to trust my own eyes!"
But if one was sober, how would they able to write this show and movie? And would alcohol help Robin not turn to male pattern baldness again when at the top of the wall?

Also somebody popped their head out of the window, but neither myself or the Bros could find out who it was. Perhaps we can attribute that to alcoholic delusions.

Inside they only find a lit giant bomb. Batman tells Robin to retreat to a safe distance while he...first tries to find Kitka. Unable to find her, he has to pick up and carry the bomb because of a nearby band playing another bad song (but on purpose). He tells the crowd to disperse as he goes through quite the sequence as the fuse continues to tick...only to be stopped at the last moment by ducklings.

 

Batman (to the camera): "Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb!" 

But of course he succeeds, dumping it in some materials offscreen to cover the blow.
Robin: "Holy heart failure!...You risked your life to save that... riff-raff in the bar!"
Batman: "They may be drinkers, Robin, but they're also human beings - and may be salvaged. I had to do it!" 

Suddenly the Penguin shows up dressed as Schmidlapp and asks to be taken to the Batcave. (:56) Even Robin recognizes who he really is: "Holy costume party!" RD is confused: if they can recognize him, why then do they not recognize Kitka as Catwoman? 

They can't take his fingerprints because he's burned them, so the Duo have to confer on other ways of identification. Penguin (overhearing): "RETINAL EYE PATTERNS?" He somehow knows they can do that in the "fabulous" Batcave. What he doesn't know is they will have to gas him for the privilege, or even what gas does (usually) despite having using it plenty of times before, including the previous series episode he was in. Penguin: "What dutifully strange customs you colonials have!"

The Bros feel Joker is not being used as much as he does, with most of the action being done by the other three. RD wants a figure of his stunt double. Still they love the movie so far. Vince wishes to find bloopers and outtakes.  

Channel Attitude is finally going live and is supporting clips of the video progrem and others. 

• Special Guest Villains: Catwoman [2] (Lee Meriwether), The Joker [4] (Cesar Romero) [4], The Penguin [4] (Burgess Meredith) [4], The Riddler [5] (Frank Gorshin) [5]

 

• Screen Captures: 3. RD, RD, RD
  
• Fact or Fiction: 2

Episode 35: Holy Porpoise!: April 3, 2022

Batman: The Movie (1966) (Part One)
(Not to be confused with Batman: The Other Movie (1989) or THE Batman: The Other Other Movie (2022))
"The Dynamic Duo faces four supervillains who plan to hold the world for ransom with the help of a secret invention that instantly dehydrates people."
69 minutes

[Part Two, in which the Dark Knight just can't get rid of a bomb.]
[Part Three, in which the Boy Wonder helps kill radioactive goons.]

"RD-Lieutenant Jr Grade Schmidlapp". Vince mispronounces the name. 

RD has yet to get the movie they are about to discuss shown at the Skyline before Disney bought original rights holders Fox. Vince once saw the Planet of the Apes movies over a long night at a drive-in. RD offers to bring Vince to his location. Vince: "Interesting."

The movie begins with a dedication "to the enemies of crime and to lovers of adventure" before it cuts to a couple making out. (:06) Then the credits have shots of a running man, Batman smiling smugly for the camera, Robin preparing for combat, and the villains randomly acting in the spotlight, while a different theme than that from the series plays.

Out on a drive around town in a gold Chrysler Imperial, Bruce and Dick return to Stately Wayne Manor to answer an anonymous call to save a scientist on a yacht. Bra-ed Aunt Harriet and Alfred are outside gardening and looking extremely happy despite RD being confused by Alfred's weird looking stool. The Narrator accompanies the Duo as they slide down the Batpoles with Automatic Costume Change Levers and set off in the Batmobile. 

An aerial shot then shows Robin suddenly having a case of male pattern baldness as they speed down the highway. Vince: "Can they not drive a car?"

They get to the airport where their Batcopter is stationed for some reason instead of the Batcave, (:16) and everyone in the city watches them in amazement as they fly above them. Where do they think they are, Metropolis? 

At the yacht Robin lowers the Batladder while warning his friend on it to be careful for some reason. The Bros laud the stunts used for it to distract the fact that Robin (or his middle aged stunt double) is flying the helicopter. 

Suddenly the yacht just vanishes, startling Robin to drop man and ladder into the sea. (:22) But Batman holds on, and he is slowly pulled up while cartoon sound punching a shark stuck on his leg and urinating through a leak. The prop shark, not Batman. Cue Robin having to bring down the Shark Repellent Bat-Spray, hanging upside-down to do it for some reason while leaving the copter on autopilot. The spray is so effective the shark explodes when it hits the water. RD also saw the other specific repellents they had in the vehicle as required for different types of animals.

Cut to Gordon's office where the Duo are holding a press conference and the Commissioner randomly shouts at the journalists. While this may be his usual uselessness at work, Batman soon also becomes flustered by their questions on the boat or exploding shark. It's not as if Bruce is also head of a huge corporation who might also have to engage with employees and media on a regular basis or anything. 

Then the Moscow Bugle's Kitanya Irenya Tatanya Karenska Alisoff, aka Miss KITKA, asks him to take off his mask, shocking the crowd. Batman dismisses her query: "This young lady is a stranger to our shores." RD is reminded of when Bobby Heenan would say that about the Iron Sheik. When Kitka calls them vigilantes (which they have almost always been), Gordon becomes appalled. O'Hara tries to end things on the excuse of being "busy".

In private, Batman admits to lying for once, somewhat different from his ever truthful behavior in the series. He asks Gordon to find out which supervillains are on the loose, which is a worrying thing since they technically should know these things already. This is probably just an excuse to get the Narrator to act as their CCTV computer voice.

In this case our villains are the Penguin (Gordon: "That pompous, waddling master of foul play, maestro of a million criminal umbrellas!"), the Joker (O'Hara: "That devilish clown prince of crime! Oh, if I only had a nickel for every time he's baffled us!"), the Riddler (Batman: "Loose to plague us with his criminal conundrums!"), and Catwoman (Robin: "Gosh! And the Catwoman!")

Further, to deduce who among them could be the culprit, they use their most awesome weapon: weird logic.
Batman: "Pretty 'fishy' what happened to me on that ladder."
Gordon: "You mean where there's a fish there could be a Penguin?"
Robin: "But wait! It happened at sea. See? C for Catwoman!"
Batman: "Yet an exploding shark was pulling my leg..."
Gordon: "The Joker!"
O'Hara: "All adds up to a sinister riddle. Riddle-R. Riddler!"
Gordon: "Oh, the thought strikes me. So dreadful, I scarcely dare give it utterance."
Batman: "The four of them. Their forces combined."
Robin: "Holy nightmare!"

The villains have set up their lair in a pier tavern, where a goon calls the arriving Kitka Catwoman. (:38) Catwoman: "Don't use my real name in public!" RD concedes Lee Meriwether is "fine" but sadly no Julie Newmar.

The villains already have an official banner and logo of the United Underworld: "Today Gotham City, tomorrow the world!" Joker resolves a dispute between Penguin and Riddler using joy buzzer handshakes. A good effort, but it's not as good a joke as Penguin having a "Penguin food tank" as an aquarium. They've somehow convinced their captive scientist that he's still on board his yacht in deep fog, but since he's English (if you couldn't tell by his name of Commodore Schmidlapp) he keeps asking for tea. Joker gets some for him despite having a "ghastly pallor" which he excuses to being below decks. Despite supposedly being a genius with an invention worth "millions of Yankee dollars", Schmidlapp doesn't notice the "sea" consists of one guy moving a picture of the ocean up and down, blowing a blow-horn, and paddling water with a flipper. 

In the Batcave the Duo find out there was an out of place buoy near the yacht. Batman thinks the yacht was never there in the first place, which Vince finds remarkable with the then new state of holograms. So Batman and his sidekick Male Pattern Baldness Robin get to the site on the Batboat. 

The Penguin's pre-nuclear submarine is already there laying in wait (and looking like a penguin), while the villains still refuse to get along. Penguin to Joker: ""On land, you may command. At sea, it is me!" He then uses the papier-mâché periscope to spy on the Duo and their "skullduggery ahead" as they find a shark cage at the buoy.
Robin: "They loaded the shark with TNT!"
Batman: "Is there nothing sacred to those poor devils?"
His attempts to lift fingerprints are stopped by salt and corrosion, "the infamous enemies of the crimefighter!" But why would he even need to? Don't they already know who they are dealing with here? Does the extra running time of a movie give him extra time to make sure his crimefighting is in order or something?

Before firing torpedoes the Penguin first commands to activate the Penguin Magnet to trap them through their utility belts. Batman struggles to get out his sonic screwdriver Bat Transmitter to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow. He manages to detonate two torpedoes, but a third is still active and the power has run out. The villains see the explosion and celebrate with "yo ho ho", but the Duo manage to escape anyway thanks to an intervening "almost human" porpoise who got in the path. Forget Batman behaving like Superman, now he thinks he's Aquaman too? 

In the clear they call a vice admiral at the Pentagon who talks like he's still out at sea and is playing (surprisingly strategic) tiddlywinks with his secretary. (:57) On checking on the status of surplus submarines he acts as his own phone on hold, whistling Anchors Aweigh over the receiver while looking for the information in a Rolodex. He finds they sold one to a "P. N. Guin" who's only given contact is a P.O. box. Not even a telephone number too? Or a shipping address to deliver a fully sized and armed submarine?

Sensing Batman is about to blow a gasket the admiral tries to calm him down.
Batman: "Disposing of pre-atomic submarines to persons who don't even leave their full addresses...GOOD DAY, ADMIRAL!" 

Then the submarine fires a Polaris missile which explodes into riddles "in the form of a joke".  

The Bros decide to leave things there for the taping. RD wishes he was there for the table read. Vince enjoyed seeing the actors all together having fun in their overacting. 

Young Vince once tried sneaking into a drive-in with others in a car trunk. RD shows that the Skyline is carpeted with grass.

 

• Special Guest Villains: Catwoman [2] (Lee Meriwether), The Joker [4] (Cesar Romero) [4], The Penguin [4] (Burgess Meredith) [4], The Riddler [5] (Frank Gorshin) [5]

 

• Screen Captures: 2. RD, RD
  
• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Almost human porpoise