Give 'Em the Axe
March 31, 1966
"Taking advantage of the Riddler's mistaken belief that they were killed
escaping his deathtrap, the Dynamic Duo must stop the villain from
stealing a treasure of Incan jewels that would mean destroying an
archaeological treasure as well."
80 minutes
"RD is Hualpo Cuisi's Long Lost Bro" perhaps through Uncle Burt. He's happy because Stern Pinball has announced a Rush pinball table, which looks as beautiful as a Red Barchetta. (If I had to buy a Stern it would be between that and their Iron Maiden, even if it has yet to include a Pinball Eddie.) While he prefers heavier musical fare, he at first thought the playfield artwork of the trio made them look like Spinal Tap. (If that was the case, wouldn't it then be actual Stonehenge size?) His observation on Twitter caught the attention of Harry Shearer. Vince gives him boos for not then trying to get him on their video progrem.
RD could regale Vince for hours with his pinball knowledge, including former challenger Williams thinking a table based on Star Wars Episode I would be a best-seller. (I wonder if Blade ever played it.)
RD is wearing a Japanese Batman movie shirt. He knows the word Ichiban means 'number one' from his time watching WWF and their commercials for Ichiban Confections ("First in smiles!").
Vince worked in the same ring with Hulk Hogan and never had any real trouble with him, hair issues notwithstanding, yet he wonders why he keeps getting into trouble online. (:15) RD leaves it to habitual human nature if not just apathy. He compares him to WWE Hall of Famer Pete Rose ruining his chances by not apologizing when he should have. And also Paul Bunyan.
SPEAKING OF Paul Bunyan, the Narrator summarizes the previous day's Bat-adventure. (:24) Vince somehow still remembers the original showings of Wednesday and Thursday at 7:30. The Bros trade applause. RD does not remember Riddler having to wear a girdle. "RD Needs A Girdle More Than Frank Gorshin", he wanted to title himself but couldn't due to lack of space. Vince thinks it's a back brace to support his raucous laughter.
Batman: "Remember Riddler, you can't buy friends with money."
Riddler: "With money, who needs friends?"
Moth gives theatrical coughs so she and Riddler have to vacate the room to watch through their "candlescope" periscope. They leave Batman to sweat his armpits in the heat. He guesses that some listed ingredients of sodium dichromate and potassium ferrocyanide are to create candle wicks that are "highly explosive when exposed to heat". RD wonders what used an explosive candle would be. In this case Batman twists slightly so his "highly polished" belt buckle can reflect sunlight into the chemicals to cause an explosion and free them, rather than just killing them, though it does knock them out.
Riddler sees bodies and shows his happiness through emotional whisper without actually checking on their status in person. He then calls Gordon to gloat and give a riddle before leaving for the Blue Van: "A crime is no fun without riddles. I'll have you know that's the main reason I took up this crime game." The Duo wait for him to leave before taking back the Batmobile to call Gordon that they're feeling better. RD wonders how they would fix whatever damage Riddler caused.
Gordon: "Who is this?"
Batman: "Why? This is Batman! Your Caped Crusader!"
They figure out Riddler is going after an nonoperational lion fountain. The Bros find it confusing.
At the Gotham City Museum (:46) the Riddler and his goons determine their Incan treasure is in the sarcophagus of emperor Hualpo Cuisi. Goon: "Boss, I don't even know what an esophagus is." Riddler and Moth then find themselves in a basement of medieval torture devices (SPEAKING OF Iron Maiden). The Duo park in a no-parking spot and determine that the sarcophagus and treasure must be kept air-tight or it will disintegrate. Billionaire Batman wonders why he would do this for a "mere" million dollars.
As the door is locked and Batman and his stunt double can't fit into a third-floor hole (or just break in lawfully), Robin volunteers to enter. Vince wonders why he was straining to walk up the wall by himself. RD: "Maybe he feels more empowered when Batman's in the rear."
Robin immediately loses a fight, and is brought before the Riddler. He orders the goons to put the "pernicious pipsqueak" on a rack. Batman calls Gordon for backup before he deploys the Bat-ram barstool to break down an easily opened door.
Finding the sarcophagus Riddler notably pants as he prepares the wax, only to be stopped by a Bat-shadow.
Riddler: "You lied to me, Boy Wonder!"
Batman: "A little white lie is excusable when dealing with the likes of you, you black-hearted scoundrel!"
Cue another fight, though it's so easily fought that West actually involves himself in it. To cover them Riddler picks up a sword and makes his own "SWOOSH!" cut-ins by his swinging. This does not stop the Dark Knight who puts him on the spinning wheel of death. Riddler: "Ow! Oh! Ow! Batman! That smarts!" He goes to relieve Robin. "One of Aunt Harriet's good nourishing meals will set everything right again," he declares loudly.
As O'Hara arrives (late, most likely to the bar; he lies by saying they accidentally went to the wax museum) Riddler's stunt double is clearly seen on a motionless wheel. RD thinks his stunt double was the same one for erect Robin. Moth pleads for forgiveness. Batman: "Unfortunately you learned your lesson too late, Moth. A moth that plays around candles is bound to be burned." Riddler: "You may have won the battle...but the war isn't over yet!"
At the museum which looks suspiciously like Stately Wayne Manor, bra-ed Aunt Harriet joins Bruce and Dick looking at the sarcophagus. Dick decides to write about it for school.
Bruce: "Yes, most Americans don't realize what we owe to the ancient Incans. Very few appreciate that they gave us the white potato and many varieties of Indian corn."
Dick: "Now when I eat mashed potatoes, I for one will think of the Incas!"
Aunt Harriet notes the integrity of the sarcophagus.
Bruce: "The old boy nearly didn't make it! Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha."
RD thinks the first half was much better than the second. Vince likes the plot's simplicity.
RD has an actual Gooker trophy even if the statue is just a regular turkey. (:69) He runs down the list for Vince. He voted for WWE's "attempts" at movie tie-ins.Vince would also if he had voted.
RD entertains the people while Vince finds his McFarlane Batcave box set that he got for Christmas.
- Special Guest Villain: The Riddler [3] (Frank Gorshin) [3]
- SPEAKING OFs: 4. The Machines, Japanese, lying, Paul Bunyan
- Screen Captures: 3. RD, RD, RD
- Blue Van: 1
- Entertain The People: 1
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