"Fans" With Tammy

You know, I should probably have made a (sports-related) bet on this.

WWE HALL OF FAMER TAMMY SYTCH ARRESTED

Feels like I've been here before.

Feels like I've been here before.

PWInsider.com is told that Sytch was arrested early this morning and charged with with the following:

*Operating a Motor Vehicle during a second license suspension.

*Eluding a Police Officer.

*Contempt/Violation of a Domestic Violence Restraining Order.

You know, I am morbid enough to wish I could have seen how that car chase went. Be honest with me, you would too wouldn't you?

Well, I don't want to sound like a broken record so let's just acknowledge this rising of the sun and -



Wait.



WHY AM I ONLY NOW READING ABOUT THIS.

Jim Ross Is All About Sunny’s Only Fans Account

The WWE Hall Of Fame announcer took the time to plug Sunny’s adult friendly website. He also invited fans to “troll away.”

"I’ve often heard, and I agree, that controversy creates cash. Plus, I believe that everyone deserves a 2nd chance in life.  ... Discretion Advised….troll away"

...

Sunny didn’t reply to JR, but she did retweet him. We’re guessing the least she could do is get him a comped subscription for the extra boost in visibility.

Fans haven’t been trolling as much as being in awe that they were able to witness a moment in history where Jim Ross plugged Sunny’s amateur adult entertainment website.

Welp.

As someone with a libertarian streak in me, as well as a desire to help/promote others, and knowing a few folks also over there (don't ask), I can't find fault with him either. And yet...




Gee, I wonder who this could be.

...

Hello.

How ya doin' tonight, Not-Deal?

Meh. Could be better, could be worse. How about yourself Jim? Are you still stuck in Arizona?

No, buh Gawd. After hours o' tryin' to avoid sittin' in the sun, yet not go inside where not one got-damn person was wearing a mahsk - 

I'm assuming they were all cocksuckers who are not going to be served in one of your dining establishments anytime soon?

Ya got that rhight. Heh, you're not as dum' as you presen' yerself! Anyway, Bob Caudle showed up in som' jalopy older than he is to com' an' pick meh up. Apparently someon' - maybe Hollywood John or Johnny Age - had snuck some sort of GPS trackin' device inside mah hat, an' somehow Bob managed to track it despite bein' older than dirt.

...What? Why?

I'm guessin' they would know when I was out of tha house so they could seduce mah wife!


Awwww. I'm sorry to hear that Jim.

Thank ya. I'm glad there's at least one person on mah side. Unlike that got-damn radio program ya write about! Ya should do somethin' more productive! Like work fer me! I can pay ya in all the ribs, steaks, an' pulled pork you can imagin' eatin'! All covered in mah delicious rub!

Your offer is appreciated, but I'll pass for now. Although maybe I can forward my resume to you in case?

Thank ya. Anyway, ya were talkin' about mah tweetin' about Sunny.


Yep. Although as I said I wish I came across this sooner. This was in May!

Ah, don't worry ya head too much. Ya know how late RD an' Blade are when they talk about "Curren' Wraslin' News"?

...Since when have they ever reported on current wrestling news?

Exactly. So ya may have fasta scoops than those two bunch-a fuckin' idiots!


...I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a complaint. I'll take it as both under advisement.

Take it however ya likhe. Now -


Wait wait wait, sorry to interrupt. You didn't tell me to shove it up my ass?

...If that's what ya wan' ta do in ya spare time then don't let meh stop ya. Although I don't know why but whatever. It's yer choice, just like what Sunny had.

Maybe, but normally with those two "idiots" of yours that is the first and only option.

An' it's betta than tha norm'lly deserve! Half the tyime they just keep makin' fun of mah business! Those sonsabitches!

...Again I'll take that as both compliment and complaint.

Anyway, if ya'll let meh finish. I posted that thing since I wanted to do somethin' non-angry fer once in mah life. Maybe it would indirectly bring people to buy mah new book. Or at least troll somebody else fer a change instead of me.

And did it? 

No! Tens of sonsabitches messaged MEH instead askin' if I was usin' this to help meh find a new whife!


Oh dear.

Mah hands got tired from all the typin' replies, so I got Bob to do it for meh with his arthritic hands a his.


Oh dear. I wonder how long that would take him.

If I had a tell one cocksucker, I had a tell a hundred. There are only two wohmen in mah life. One was mah wife. Tha other is Dark Journey!

But of course. Who doesn't know that?

If I had a third it would be mah barbecue. 


That also.

Speakin' of mah barbecue an' OnlyFans, I once was on OnlyFans too.


[Spit-take]

I'm sorry, what? YOU were also on OnlyFans?

Yeah that's rhight. Ya can't hear meh? Is ya phone workin'?


No, not that. I mean, anyone can use that as a way to publicly fund their activity. But unlike the more general nature of other similar sites like, say, Patreon, where WrestleCrap is also on, OnlyFans skewers more to sexual content, more often than not produced by younger women. 

Yeah I kno' that, I ain't no dummeh. Not like those cocksucker announcers who replaced meh back at Dubya-Dubya-E! I mean: what? Ya sayin' you don't find mhe good lookin'? I'm not an attractiv' mayn or somethin'? Do ya thin' I'm sexy? Do ya think I turn ya on?

Er...I'll just say you were married and apparantly you think Dark Journey still pines for you, and leave it at that Jim.

Anyway I decided to see what I could do to get some business goin', based on mah experience an' expertise as an annouhncer an' barbecue mayn. So I decided that I would post videos of mah cookin'.

...Alright? And -

Nekkid.


...

...I'm sorry, what?

Well not completely nekkid. I would at least leave muh hat on. A genneman doesn't take one's hat owf without good reason.

 ...

...of course.

Anyway I would grill an' barbecue nekkid on camerah. With muh hat on. Outdoors of course, when ta weather was good an' I had space to place a set. A big huge set! An' I called it...Buff Cooking with JR.

...I think I can see where this is going, but go on.

Within a week I got all these online jezebehls subscribin' to me. Like...a whole ten of 'em.


Well that's not bad! Any base is a good base, no matter how small.

Well that's easy fer you to say. They all left within a week.


What? Oh no, why?

They all kept messagin' meh all askin' meh just tha one same thin': "When is Buff Bagwell comin'? It's in tha thitle! Ya said he would be on tha show with ya!"

Oh dear.

An' I - well, Bob since he was writin' for meh - was like "how the fuck shoul' I know, womahn? Do I look like that old hag of his Judy ta ya?"    

Ahhh Jim.

An' besides, ain't he busy in Vegas playin' at Pretty Woman an' being a whor'? Perhaps with th' help of Judy bein' his pi -

You picked the wrong Richard Gere movie.

What's that?


American Gigolo.

Did either movie involv' him taking a gerbil an' shovin' it up his -


That's just an urban legend Jim, always has been. ...Is your MovieTrolla working properly Jim?

If I could afford to buh anotha from yer business I would. I spent two thousan' dollars alone on that huge set an' grill for mah show -

Two thousand dollars?

- an' when those jezebehls dehmanded their money bhack I had to pay anotha one thousan' dollars fer false advertisin'!

Oh no.

I swear, tha next time I'm in Las Vegas for mah book tour I'm gonna give Buff a new one, that fuckin' sonofabitch! Costin' meh money even when not wraslin'! In the meantim' I need to get mah money back. What do ya know about this - Patron, ya said?

Er...I'm not the right guy to ask. Have you tried RD?

That sonofabitch? Ya tryin' to giv' meh a heart attack from all this stress of dealin' with them?


You could have Bob handle him for you? He looks like he might have some better luck at any rate.

Hmmm, good point. I'll ahsk him if he's not fallen asleep again on tha job, that other sonofabitch. 


(I won't hold my breath on that if I were you.)

You know who else is also a sonofabitch?


Who would that be Jim?

That fuckin' bastard "Ultimate" "Warrior"! 


Yes, now THAT news is more up to date. Current Wrestling News right here on WrestleCrapRadio!...Dot Com!

I mentioned it on mah OHWN podcast that has more than a dohzen people listenin' to it an' who probably support mah barbecue, unlike those cocksuckers RD an' Blade. It was me, Vince, Linda, Jimmy, an' Brucey payin' him a visit many many years ago. Let meh tell ya somethin': ya think I have a potty mouth?

That's still debatable.

Well that sonofabitch was even wors'! If he wasn't swearin' he was talkin' about this "destrucity" bullshit o' his, and fightin' som' "Hokogan" whateva th' fuck that was, an' about how he wanted to prove Santa Claus was real by tyin' him up an' rapin' him! An' all in front of that jezebehl Linda! Why an' how Vince thought that piece of shit would ever work in Dubya-Dubya-Eff is anyone's guess. Heck, why'd ya think I escaped to Ay-Eee-Dubya when I did? To sit aroun' an' talk about Chris Jericho with Tony Schiavone's butt in seat an' some masked mahn who thinks he's a sword or somethin'? No! To git away from Vince before he attempted to shove more things up MUH ass! That sonofabitch!

Please don't remind me. I can hardly forget it as it is.

Anyway, I remember one time mor' than ten years ago. I was at one of mah restaurants when this ugly an' dirty lookin' mayn stumbled in an' asked for a table. I rememba this strong scent o' booze stronger than any of my sauces and someone had drawn very badly on his face, assumin' he didn't do it himself of course. Also he had duc' tape and poleece lines danglin' off his arms fer some got-damn reason. 

I wonder who that was.

To be honest with ya buh Gawd I swear I thought he was Blade if not just some random hobo. Anyway he just sat down, didn't order anything at first. Then he just started takin' all mah fancy knives off tha table! When we confronted him about it he said he was just "borrowin'" them because apparently he was now some sort of 'knife painter'. I've heard of some STUPID things in mah life, but this one might have topped it.

Emperor, please don't remind me of that either. Although knife painting IS a viable artistic method, don't get me wrong. At least if the artist actually has some talent for it. Maybe even over on Patreon and the like.

You're rhight Blah. But that implhies that Jim Hellwig has any sort of talent, be it wraslin' or pain'. Let meh tell you somethin': he doesn't. Tha only thin' he could do good was stand there lookin' all pretty while Sting did all tha work for tha both of them.

I will admit Jim, I always thought his so called "painting" just involved shaking his arms and yelling a lot.

Heh heh heh, good kneeslapah there! No wonder I like you guys more than RD an' Blade. Anyway as Dr. Death was throwin' him out - his hands were all sloppy from bein' down in the basement beatin' mah meat - the sonofabitch was hootin' an' hollerin' like a tied-up mule about how mah “grilling don't make the world work". Ya know what I told that motherfucker?

I can probably guess.
 
Neither does ya so called doodlin'! Shove it an' ya knives up yer fuckin' ass!


But of course. ...But now I'm thinking.

That's more than RD an' Blade eva did.


Very funny. What I'm thinking is: if Warrior was around today and for some reason wanted to inflict himself on others via a site like Patreon or Onlyfans, what do you think he would be doing?

I don't know. What do ya think he would be doin' Nostradamus?


...Absolutely nothing. Just like what he did - and was good at too - throughout his wrestling "career".

Heh heh heh heh, good one Blah. Why aren't ya hosting a podcast instead of those two jokhers?
 

Your guess is as good as mine on that. Maybe I'll ask RD on this the next time I talk to him.

Anyway, as much as I'd likhe to stay an' chew tha fat somemore, I've gotta go. These books an' steaks won't sell themselves, heh heh.

Well don't let me keep you. At least wear a mask alongside your hat when you're cooking, you hear? 

You also, and I'll see what I can do. Have a nice day, Boomer Sooner, an' go Fans yourself!


Say hello to Bob for me if he's not still asleep. And make sure Jimichiro actually got that message of ours! We still have to face him in court!...Eventually (when I get to it).

[Far away from the phone] Got-damnit Bob, how little do I pay ya to lie on the floor not workin'? Git up ya lazy goodfernuthin sonofabitch!

Speaking of repeating broken records while the sun rises...