115 Purge Roulette: August 15, 2008

WWE Purge Roulette
(88 minutes)

Can you term calling into the show 'crashing'?

The bizarro Lost Episode has been posted in celebration of the third anniversary of WrestleCrap Radio. Poor old Glen Jacobs is the subject of another induction, Fake Kane. This one puts him in the Five Timers Club with Hulk Hogan, Sting, Jake the Snake, and the Ultimate Warrior.

The show has a new sponsor, the HOTT line (:12).

Sad News: Nick Patrick was released (:18).

RD's Trip to the Grocery: Blade got sick from blue milk (:24). RD implies he could replace Blade with knock knock jokes printed on Pop Tarts (:27).

Obscure Wrestling News: Blade wants bignippledvampire.com for Xmas. She'll be on this fall's America's Sex Symbol (:31). Trevor Murdoch changed his name to Trevor Murdock after being released by WWE (:36). Ashley Massaro will return to stripping. Blade asks, "What is that phrase where you know like you never stray too far from something?" (:39) I think it's "You can't go home again." [Wasn't it "how the mighty have fallen?" - PB] Blade forgot his Myspace log-in (:40). Matt Morgan will have his DNA sent into space (:44), presumably so that aliens can produce an army of stuttering clones to conquer Earth. RD and Blade will be in a comic book (:45).

Sad News: Nunzio was released (:48), and Braden Walker (:51), and Shannon Moore (:53). WWE should announce the next batch of releases during Raw like draft picks. Question of the Week from Terry Brass: Blade's beard makes noise (:55). TNA correspondent Peter Gazer exists (:60). Unfortunately, this dusty character stopped being edgy twenty years ago.

Sad News: Domino released (:71). RD YouTubes Tarzan boy (:73). Randy Orton estimates he bounced and rolled off his motorcycle for the length of a football field (:78). (Big Daddy) Viscera released and made to be a cannibal (:80).

SummerSlam is this Sunday and here's RD and Blade's entire discussion about it: (crickets).

Third Anniversary Haiku:
We've made it three years--
The age kids get potty trained.
We'll still piss our pants.

114 Hot or Not: August 8, 2008

Talking Wrestling with Mom
(74 minutes)

Despite being posted for months on the WrestleCrap Radio myspace, the live appearance listed below was never booked:

August 8, 2008 at 8 P.M.
Burt Reynolds Dinner Theatre
Kissimee, FL

It's gonna be one dandy of a jam-up time. All your favorite Cher and Hall & Oates songs will be performed live onstage by RD & Blade. Just added to the bill!!!!! A poetry reading by John Thomas from Meridian Chase Mastercharge, and a special inspirational spoken word performance from B.M. Punk.

This week's blurb for WrestleCrap update:

Because you demanded it...PAUL CHRISTY IS BACK! This time our favorite wrestling magician-hypnostist-rapist is featured in It Came From YouTube. Thrill as he deep throats a microphone! Plus...New Induction! New Someone Bought This! And a Brand New WrestleCrap Radio...but Blade is missing! Never fear, though - RD and Triple Kelly are on hand to tackle all the news AND give our long lost hobo a musical tribute!

Are your expectations lowered yet? Well, it's still summer, so go outside or something.

As always, WrestleCrap Radio's recommended play speed is 2x.

Blade is passed out so in his place 3Kelly plays Hot or Not (:05). RD implies that the Brooklyn Brawler is gay (:11).

RD's Trip to the Grocery: RD searched for Peanut Butter Toast Crunch (:13). 3Kelly's Weekly Trip to the Goodwill to Search for LPs and VHS: Jumpin' Jack Flash soundtrack (:23) and Trees Talk Too (:30).

Happy 75th, Cap'n Lou!

Obscure Wrestling News: Stacey Keibler is on a publicity tour for her role in the miniseries Samurai Girl. (:32) The Sandman went to Captain Lou Albano's 75th birthday party and got arrested (:34) while his son has begun wrestling as Twisted Sand (:38). I guess if he teamed with Lance Storm's kid, they could call themselves Sandstorm. Torrie Wilson is getting back into wrestling (:43). Glens Falls, New York, is celebrating their resident son Hacksaw Jim Duggan. (:44) A 101 year old woman won tickets to a WWE showing. (:48)

Horsetrolla: Someone spotted a Mickie James Roast Beef sign at SNME (:51). Question of the Week happens (:54). Primetime (3) thinks Santino should be women's champion. The Divas Belt has a vagina on it.

The new TNA correspondent, Pete, is, perhaps, a myth. 3Kelly watches Urkel rather than Impact (:59) -- URKEL . . . . IN 2008. COULD TNA SUCK THAT BAD?!?

TNA has a game for mobile phones. The CableFAX Program Awards are all a work. (:61) Ric Flair has left WWE. (:64)

Long lost hobo "musical" tribute.

113 Christyanity: August 1, 2008

Paul Christy Owns Shopping Centers
(74 minutes)

Prolonged discussion of magician and wrestling talk show participant Paul Christy. Buy his apartment buildings book!

Paul Christy's One Ring prepares to consume Gene.

RD's Trip to the Restaurant: Blade misses the music compilation commercials (:09). RD won one year of free Chick-Fil-A by waiting in line outside overnight for twelve hours (:12), during which RD did some more corn-holin' (:20). Don Mason worked at Hooters one time and was once stung by a centipede.

Obscure Wrestling News: Blade is 33 but wants to be on American Idol (:25). Honky Tonk Man's finger was injured doing a stupid guitar smashing thing with dopey teenagers in a parking lot (:28). Blade reads an email by Superstar Billy Graham (:33). A cop involved in the Even Colder Mike Austin case was fired after he stole evidence money. (:38) Brooke Hogan is an idiot when it comes to the presidential election. (:41)

Sad News: WWE went to Texas yet had no ZZ Top cameo (:45). Fear not for their health, they seemed to be touring Europe at the time, and you can probably catch them at a state fair near you. HorseTrolla: Mickie James has odd nude photos (:47). Ricky Steamboat Junior, who once rode a pony at WCW Wrestle War '89, debuted for Premiere Wrestling Showcase (:53). His father's song on that one WCW album is questioned. Question of the Week from Primetime (2): The Lions last won a championship in the 1950s (:55).

TNA News: A no-show for the new TNA correspondent (:61).

Freddie Prinze Junior is on the writing staff of WWE (:63). WWE Films is now WWE Studios, so RD & Blade suggest sitcoms the studio can produce. This Week's Someone Bought This is Vickie Guerrero's wedding dress (:68), and next week's could be Nunzio Signed/Worn Elf Costume. Mike Adamle is Raw G.M.

Seventeen Syllables For Ya:
G.M. Adamle--
What on earth could be better?
G.M. Paul Christy.

112 You Can't Steer Me: July 18, 2008

Tony Atlas Returns
(59 minutes)

RD did an interview on a bisexual wrestling blog.

Memories of Hot Rod Rowdy Roddy Piper's half-blackface starts the show. Forrest George won RD's pinball machine for the low low price of $1075.00. Blade doesn't care though; the Listeners' indifference over the 'demise' of Stubby puts him in a 'murderous rage'. [Or perhaps he's just hungover again.]

RD's Trip to the Grocery: Froot Loops Smoothie (:10). Cereal mascots are discussed.

"Why Is He A Car?!"

Obscure Wrestling News: Corporal Kirchner now has a Myspace page. The Co-Hosts respond by watching Corporal Kirchner voiced by a car (:20). Here is this segment of WrestleCrap commentary over the video. Here is another video posted by MarioWTFdance: FRED FLINTSTONE SPREADS JELLY WHILE I PLAY UNFITTING MUSIC.

Former porn star Trina Michaels is aiming to enter wrestling. (:28) She's been alleged to be one of Ashley Massaro's fellow co-workers, if you follow. Horsetrolla (:31): Mickie James is to be on the TV show Psyche. Blade and Demolition walk into a bar... (:35).

This week's induction: Shamrock versus Blackman in the iron man parking lot match. Why this week? Cena and JBL will have a parking lot match on this Sunday's PPV, whatever it's called. On Raw Monday, JBL hit John Cena with a car after knocking him out by hitting Cena's shoulder blade with his wrist. That stunt was worse than the time Sid was run over by a monster truck.

Question of the Week: Blade found the Lost WrestleCrap Radio episode, a rough draft of the second episode (:41). The Infamous Mr. Yuk has listened to every episode twice, poor guy. RD admits the show was made to madden people.

Blade introduces Pete, WrestleCrap Radio's new TNA correspondent, with the theme music to Jack Horkheimer: Star Gazer/Star Hustler (:49). Speaking of the worst comb-over in the history of mankind, does this look like a man who is no longer balding?

Tony Atlas is on ECW and is GOOD (:52). To cheer up Hacksaw Jim Duggan, RD plays an altered version of the cheer-up Charlie song in Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Glorious Seventeen Syllables:
Cena hit by car--
New tag team next week: Cena
and Danny Doring.

111 Stubbed: July 11, 2008

The WWF Pinball Lizard
(73 minutes)

Sad News: Stubby's dead, which is good because he was doing a poor imitation of Otto & George's act. Misses Deal set him on fire or something (:07).This makes Blade angry as only someone laughing while dying can. He also realizes only now that Raw sucks.

RD snapped a photo of a gigantic inflatable Titanic slide. (:15) Blade meanwhile saw a giant inflatable Eddie Murphy head used for advertising for Meet Dave. Sad News: that movie was terrible.

Obscure Wrestling News: Blade once asked a midget to imitate Steve Austin as Short Cold (:23). RD worked one show with WCWO in a furniture store (though not as bad as working with Diamond Dan in a junkyard), and was familiar with Ron Owens, the arrested manager of last week's Even Colder Mike Austin (:29). Blade has a friend named Vince Viagra. Chris Harris, who once worked with RD, debuted in ECW with the fantastic name of Braden Walker. (:32) Sad News: Ashley Massaro was released. (:34) FCW finally has plumbing now. Tommy Dreamer is following Chavo Guerrero in hair growth using.

RD put his WWF Royal Rumble pinball machine into the eBay WC yard sale. (:42) Question of the Week happened (:47). Ismael Naji (2) thinks the Big Nippled Vampire needs to eat a sandwich.

Paid boring self-promotion with Josh Dionio (:51 - end). Could you believe he paid $162.50? To be on THIS show?

How the haiku is supposed to be done:
ECW.
08's shocking moment:
Heel Saba Simba.

110 To Catch a (King) Pedophile: June 27, 2008

Draftolla 2008
(66 minutes)

The backside of the Draftrolla

#1 Miller Lite Draft. Drafts in normal sports make bad television because the most dramatic and important decision happens first.

#2 Stubby drafted to the WrestleCrap Radio promotional consideration department. RD invites him to visit WrestleCrap HQ.

#3 Lord Alfred Hayes has been drafted to the WCR canned laughter department.

RD's Trip to the Grocery: King Vitamin commercial (:13).

Obscure Wrestling News (:21): Outback Jack and Harvey Whippleman have new action figures. Blade eyes a dusty Moolah and RD is disappointed that Giant Gonzales' one doesn't have an airbrushed ass (:27). Even Colder Mike Austin arrived at the Greensburg, Indiana Wal-Mart in a broken-down truck (:32). It Came from Youtube: Hulk Hogan's Driving Tips. Blade doesn't want to sell his ghetto-park Skeletor autograph, but will sell a reproduction as part of the eBay Wrestlecrap garage sale, as well as his spare copy of The Young And The Wrestling porno (:37). Blade pops some painkillers as he tries to explain why he has more than one copy. Blade wonders how he got roped into this mess for nearly three years. Also at the auction is a five minute segment on a future WrestleCrap Radio show (:41). It would be cheaper to get a stupid WrestleCrap-related tattoo.

Question of the Week happens (:43). Lenny uses the books as an opportunity for matchmaking.

#4 The crickets have been drafted to TNA news. TNA had some house shows (:46).

Mark Henry will be a world champion this Sunday (:50). RD likes Raw again now that Hunter has been moved to Smackdown (:54). Jim Ross was drafted to Smackdown (:57), muttering, "I've had enough." It's my favorite "wrestling" moment of the year.

#5 Jim Ross drafted to WrestleCrap haiku department.

Haiku by Jim Ross:
Well I got drafted.
Good Ol' JR 's on SmackDown.
Hope I don't get raped.

109 Out Of Time: June 20, 2008

Tully Blanchard in the JJ Dillon Deli
(67 minutes)

In the first week of the WrestleCrap Garage Sale, Blade's funk sock sold. Milb Fan sent RD a list of the errors in the WWF Trivia Book. Milb stands for Minor League Baseball, not a sexual desire. Chili Cheese dog Twisteroni (:12) is not discontinued, despite what Blade thinks. RD is now thinking of having listeners pay to do segments.

RD's Trip to the Grocery: Kraft cheese & macaroni crackers (:18). RD wants to visit Tully Blanchard's Deli to have his meat sliced thin.

Blade: Why is it that whenever we have Ricky Morton news, it always has to be sad?

Obscure Wrestling News: Linda Hogan is dating a 19 year old (:21). Rodney Mack TKO'd "Winless" Joe Nameth in twenty-one seconds (:25). Jimmy Hart wants a tour of singing wrestlers, which would be quite awesome. Of course Blade manages to make it all sexual (:28). Sad News: Ricky Morton can't wrestle in Kentucky anymore. "Why do we never have happy Ricky Morton news?" asks RD (:33). Horsetrolla: Mickie James was on some show called "The Big 10" (:37).

Question of the Week: The Co-Hosts question how to offend the Listeners through song or deli. This week from Premier Blah: Mountain Dew Doritos are disgusted. An idea for RD to return to active wrestling in a Deal Or No Deal style angle is pondered. (:40). [In hindsight I should probably have made Trash Losagain the No Deal guy in that equation. - PB]

Stubby's TNA News happens: Jeff Jarrett is returning. (:52). RD loves the Rock (:58). ZZ Top is always on WWE shows when they're in one of those cities in Texas (:63).

This Haiku Outta Here:
An eye for an eye --
Kane versus Show with Sandy
Duncan as the ref.

RD: We'll keep an eye out for ya.

108 Hungry Hungry Ken Patera: June 13, 2008

Hungry Hungry Ken Patera
(87 minutes)

Photo taken by Sean Carless

This week's induction is the Ken Patera story. I must quote the induction. Mean Gene Okerlund: "The true tragedy began innocently enough. Late, on a snowy night, in Wakesha, Wisconsin, when a hungry Ken Patera went to a fast food restaurant after a grueling match. According to newspaper reports, Ken Patera was denied service, told the restaurant was closed for the night. It is alleged that Ken Patera and a co-defendant threw a rock through the restaurant window, resulting in a call to the police. . . . Who's to blame? The judicial system? Society? Or does Ken Patera bear the full brunt on his own wide shoulders? Let Ken Patera tell you." Ken Patera: "I accept full responsibility for my actions. I should have never listened to Bobby Heenan!""

Blade is continually drunk and likes to talk about his semen. The show has not jumped the shark because it IS the shark.

Blade's Trip to the Convenience Store: Mountain Dew Quest Doritos taste like Pine Sol Fruity Pebbles (:19) and the Jimmy Hendrix Liquid Experience tastes like strawberry battery acid (:30). Blade apologizes for it. Word of advice: Don't ever become famous.

Obscure Wrestling News: Maven was hired by Home Shopping Network (:37). Although there is a graphic on Maven's website for "Fan Mail," it is not linked to anything. My favorite piece of Maven News is: "Recently, without much of an announcement regarding this, Maven was removed from Day of Reckoning 2 for Gamecube due to his release from World Wrestling Entertainment. If you were planning on buying the game just because it was one of the few games that Maven was in, you might want to think twice now that he was taken out of the game."

Blade finds out in the book Ring of Hell that Arn Anderson gave Tylene Buck a cat-bath, which seems to be some sort of amazing accomplishment rather than yet another random term name that the kids are using these days. Meanwhile Stacy Kiebler is not appearing topless in a Disney mini-series.

Horsetrolla: Francine got married (:48). Stubby's TNA News: Ratings fell below A.M. Raw, which airs at 2 A.M. on Saturday nights. This prompts RD to play a thunderous soundbite. (:54)

Question of the Week: Chris Angler's (2) soundbite of a now voice acting Stephanie Wyand. (:60) Bret Michaels has fucked everybody (:61). Please click on this link to see a picture of a sad old man with a large package in tight jeans staring at you, next to a small diabetic child's endearing letter, all on a web 0.2 site.

RD calls a Trekkie named David who got a Trolla tattoo (:66 - :77).

People are not interested to see Vince try and give away a million dollars.

Seventeen Syllables:
Rick Astley on Raw
Never gonna give you up.
Ratings going down.

107 Two of Implants: June 6, 2008

Two of Hearts Karaoke
(92 minutes)

Blade makes excuses on why he no-showed last week's interview.

This week's induction is Gator Scott Hall (:13). Billy Ocean singing.

RD's Trip to the Grocery: Kellogg's Corn Pops' Indiana Jones' Adventure Spoon (is not to be had in your hand) (:25). Shouldn't Abdullah the Butcher have used a butcher knife rather than a fork?

"We accept you... if you wear shorts."

RD says, "Let's avoid the wrestling as long as possible" (:28). Blade and friend went on a quest for women's shorts so that they could go see Everclear (:30).

Obscure Wrestling News: Blade wants to run cliffhangers that have no chance in Hades of working. Charlie Minn has a job (:33). People are looking into who would replace Mick Foley in the lead role of Hey Dude! (:40) Hogan Celebrity Wrestling is set to air on CMT, the ideal home for wrestling. (:46) Cyrus discussion, for some reason (:48). Stacey Q and her anemia, for whatever reason (:50). Frank Stallone's Far From Over, for no reason (:55). For nefarious reasons Terri Runnels attempt to give away a house is a secret ponzi scheme. (:58)

MovieTolla: Stacey Keibler was cut from a movie called Mercy (:67). Sad fact: when you type Stacey Keibler" into YouTube's search box, it pops up the suggestion, "Stacey Keibler's feet."

Stubby the Dummy likes Karen Angle (:69). "You are unable to view this section of our site because your browser is not accepting cookies from nexternal.com. Please set your browser to accept cookies, then return to our store." Even the TNA website is brainless.

RD uses the Question of the Week as an excuse to announce the WrestleCrap garage sale from next week (:75).

Wrestlemania Surveys have some strange criteria for what would make good entertainment. (:78) Trish had her implants removed (:83). Blade reveals his other bid on WWE auction site (:86).

Vince's Million Dollar Giveaway is confusing as hell. (:88)

This Haiku Doesn't Come With Crown As Illustrated:
Vince's Mega Bucks--
We've seen DiBiase. Where
the fuck is Andre?

106 Best Mates: May 30, 2008

Seth Mates Interview
Interview with Seth Mates, WWF writer from 1999 to 2002
(103 minutes)

Here is Seth's post about this interview.

RD did the whole interview himself, since Blade was lazy and didn't arrive with Stubby until the taping was almost over.

105 Wii Fat: May 23, 2008

Stubby's Debut, Wii Fat
(81 minutes)

A Crapper asks the forums for help for a WCR-related tattoo. Blade suggests the Trolla logo. More of his singing.

RD's Trip to Wal-Mart: RD was first in line to get the Wii Fit, a game which provides motivational insults (:17). Blade saw an inflatable Titanic slide (:29).

Obscure Wrestling News: Rodney Mack's opponent Broadway Joe Namath has a 3-29 record. (:33) Kevin Nash is selling a play-date on eBay where you can smoke one cigar with him. (:36). [You can find an 'archived' listing of the auction here.] The Big Show is to be starring in a 'comedy'. The Iron Sheik was on a comedy tour. Blade believes he wrestled with an erection.

Question of the Week from Gavin (2): WrestleCrap's new TNA correspondent is Stubby the Hobo Dummy (:54). He's brought his own laugh track. RD supplies some fake laughter of his own.

Blade entertained some WrestleCrap fans who watched Raw this week (:65). RD takes a full minute to set up a Horsey Sauce pun (:70). At Raw, Blade saw Roddy Piper, Ron Simmons, and the other sign guy (:72).

Seventeen . . . Breakfast Cereal Syllables For Your Entertainment:
C Double-U Post
Further proof that Vince is one
of twelve listeners.

104 A Kick in the Taint: May 16, 2008

Karaoke, Cena + Mickie
(74 minutes)

Blade started a vanity project at the Karaoke myspace page. He's ranked high because nobody knows about the karaoke myspace page yet.

Former WWE writer Seth Mates will be on in a few weeks. Blade's first question to him will be: "Have you mounted a cripple?"

In a thousand years, this will NOT be worth something.

RD's Trip to the Grocery after an 11 week absence: Blade tastes a Snickers Adventure Bar which promotes the new Indiana Jones movie with the power of coconut. They certify it as an adventurous kick right in the taint. (:19 - :29).

Obscure Wrestling News: Blade sings Neil Diamond songs and Rodney Mack wants to be an MMA fighter (:34). His first opponent is named "Broadway Joe Namath". RD wants him to enter the ring with the Drinking music. The Iron Sheik will be roasted, so Blade wonders if he can audition for it with Stubby, his ventriloquist dummy (:39). Hulk Hogan got in trouble for not removing his bandanna in court. RD says he wore a do-rag for the first time (:41), which is surprising for a balding man.

MovieTrolla: Shelly Martinez stars in The Porn Shoot Massacre (:44). Horsetrolla: Mickie James claims she's an athlete just like the horse that was euthanized at this year's Kentucky Derby (:53).

Question of the Week from Ed Salo: Kitty Dukakis gets raped for the second week in a row (:58).

The Divas are getting repetitive. (:62) The Deever in particular derives her strength from her hair like Samson. Trevor Murdock got his singing comeuppance by getting punched in the face. (:64) RD guested on Figure Four Daily and was asked to sing Mondo from the Muscle Rock Madness VHS tape. (:66)

Seventeen Miserable, Sad Syllables to Discuss This Week's Raw:
Mickie and Cena--
John better keep his hands off
or die a slow death.

RD: Do me King Vitamin! Do me deep!

103 Beat Meatings: May 9, 2008

Irritable RD
"without hyperbole, worst show ever" (:73)
(80 minutes)

If rumors are to be believed, Ashley Massaro has been busted as being part of an escort service. Blade is reminded of his prostitute roommate who once lactated on someone for money. This causes him to hit the bottle (not of milk).

New Myspace page: WrestleCrap Songs (:16), just as the rest of the world has grown tired of Myspace. Someone has put their Good Times singing from last week to music.

Someone at RD's line of work won a bottle of Crown Royal, while another won a Colts Cornhole game. Blade meanwhile won a smoker. Combined together they may make a "Cornhole smoker" (:22).

Blade says there's no information on the internet about CW Post cereal (:25). Internet sources have told this reporter that it's Great Grains: Raisins Dates & Pecans. By the way, one cup of it provides 420 calories and 28 grams of sugar. [Irritable Blade writes: That cereal is not CW Post. As a kid, I hated pecans and dates, and I still do. There wasn't any of that shit in CW Post. In fact, I've tried most of the cereals morons on the internet have said "taste just like CW Post," and they're all wrong. That cereal sadly does not exist in any form today.] RD had a granola problem with his Fiber Ones (:30).

Faxtrolla: Obscure Wrestling News is obscure (:31 - :59). Blade made a poem for Don Mason about masturbating. Victoria will soon open her Automobile store in Louisville and will host a party. RD and Blade want to go and beat their meat with sticks there in the presence of Hooters Girls and Obama. I hope she approves of their activities. Rob Conway has PayPal. It's all his fault for some reason. (:42) Fabien Kaelin is advertising for Ab Rocket. (:46) The Great Khali is going to be honored by the Indian government. Sadly Topeka, Kansas does not want to honor Blade in any way, shape, or form. A "Greg Valentine" was defeated in an Indiana district election. (:57) Blade wants Kitty Dukakis to be raped. Can YOU smell what Barack is cooking?

GILLMAN

Question of the Week from Austin Gilliam, the Creature from the Black Lagoon (2): RD gets irritated because, four minutes after the music was played, he still hasn't gotten to the question (:63). However he has no one to blame but himself, for enabling Blade's practices and not having enough patience for such. And also not apparently knowing about a 'mute' button. (But less for Blade than for his own silent laughter.) Blade doesn't have an answer for his first drunken experience (the Gillman's question, in case you had forgotten).

Johnny 6's on-air demise is discussed (:66). Chris Engler of Trolla sent a letter revealing that the robot was in fact made from Pinto parts. He has has a dream for Dream Analysis, where he was in a speedboat with Hulk Hogan. (:71). Blade is again useless.

Trevor Murdock is still serenading Trish Stratus (:74)

Blade sings about Ashley in lieu of a haiku.

102 Cinco de Captain Crunch: May 2, 2008

Stinko de Mayo, Live from Carl's Jr
(105 minutes)

RD has a touch of bronchitis, so Blade will be talking more than usual. This is despite him being too drunk to remember to be interviewed recently. Psicosis was deported for having invalid paperwork (:12).

Blade's Trip to the Grocery: Johnny Six's death means there's time for this segment to 'return' (:14), although this show is 25 minutes longer than last week's. Boo Berry is back at Blade's local supermarket. Blade dislikes Starosaurus, the mascot of some sort of generic Lucky Charms.

Obscure Wrestling News Good Times: Robecca DiPietro made a potato chip commercial contest entry, which she'll sleep with you for if you vote for it. (:23) Somehow this fact eats up sixteen minutes of the show.

Horsetrolla: Mickie James is in a music video alongside the Deever. Seven more minutes expire because RD is speechless. Sad News: Balls Mahoney was future endeavored. (:46)

I don't want to know what they
mean exactly by 'hand-scooped'...

Question Trip of the Week: Frank from L.A. is called. He tries out the Cap 'n Crunch Milkshake at a Carl's Jr (:54 - :71).

The former Big Nippled Vampire Shelly Martinez's name wasn't Spanish enough for TNA, so she's now called Salinas. (:76) Her Myspace page proclaims, "I LOVE boys with long hair and I have an eye fetish. I love them there eyes!!"

RD wasn't satisfied with Frank's eighteen-minute Cap 'n Crunch Milkshake segment and gets Josh Van Meiter to eat it. (He strangely sounds like Lee Marshall.) He runs into Weird Al as Rambo in his attempt. (:81 - :87)

More usual nonsense fills the last fifteen minutes. Hulk Hogan gets frisky with his daughter. Warrior wants to fight Vince at Wrestlemania. He too has a Myspace page. Trevor Murdock is stealing their gimmick of singing. Blade is 'inspired' to sing on his own Myspace page.

Seventeen Syllables on My New Favorite Wrestling Personality, Mike Adamle:
Adamle walked out.
Know what? That's a wonderful
fucking idea.

101 Celebra-neigh-tion: April 25, 2008

Behold! Ghetto Amusement Park "He-Man"...

Celebra-neigh-tion, Disneyland, Johnny Sixplodes
(81 minutes)

Kool and the Gang opens the show with a horsetastic Celebration as Mickie James has been your new WWE Women's Champion for eleven days. This is the third April in a row that she has won the belt.

RD and family went to Disneyland (:10). Blade tells of his ghetto unsafe amusement park trip to see He-Man and Skeletor (:13). Tour guides of Disney's Jungle Cruise tell the same jokes every time, much like this radio progrem (:19).

Blade hit the bottle in celebration since April 14 (:21). He drinks some Miller Lite and V8. While in California, RD passed a Carl's Jr and noticed an ad for Cap'n Crunch Milkshake (:27). A regular-sized Carl's Jr Cap 'n Crunch shake provides 120% of your daily saturated fat needs.

...Skeletor...

Blade passed a tractor-trailer on the highway whose art advertised Fruit Stripe gum (:33). Blade wonders, what are the odds? Well, the parent company owns ninety trucks.

Faxtrolla: The Ultimate Warrior versus Orlando Jordan (:36). The plumbing at the new arena of WWE's sole farm promotion, Florida Champsionship Wrestling, wasn't finished on schedule. Some crazy rumor has it that Piper said he was asked by the WWE to be in an MMA match before this year's Summer Olympics in Beijing.

Question of the Week: David has a wet nightmare about Ashley Massaro (:49). In response Blade gets into some Dream Analysis: he dreamt of Superstar Billy Graham and the Rods (:53). Johnny Six karaokes Chaka Khan's tune, "I Feel For You," because TNA's Rhaka Khan had other people autograph her trading cards (:62). Blade implores Johnny to sing the intro to the song, and Johnny explodes, with the old dynamite sound effect. Johnny Six is dead (:68). RD's reaction to this is to just...remark on how some DJ Quext of Myspace wants Blade's singing skillz. He is barely affected AT ALL by any side-effects of an explosion; be it the deafening from the noise, shrapnel from the metal hitting him or the Trollas, or even having some comedic black soot on him. He's just worried about who will clean his house now. Is B.M. Punk available?

...And Man-At-Arms!

Mike Adamle has been banished to ECW's announce table next to Taz (:72). RD has wisely chosen to not choose any of the presidential candidates who appeared on Raw this week (:76). It was an embarrassment to the nation. Nader gets my vote again, by default, again. [Oops, I forgot and voted for Obama. --Iggy 09jan16]

Seventeen Syllables of an Exciting Haiku:
Barack is cookin'--
Cookin' a segment more rank
than Hillary's crotch.

100 Trashbaggin' in a Dwarf House: April 11, 2008

Trashbaggin' in a Dwarf House
"one of the single worst shows" (:81)
(83 minutes)

Sad News: Blade's lime Simon LeBon t-shirt is gone.

Jakks released a Matilda action figure, albeit with the British Bulldog. One may need to look underneath to make sure it's not Winston, says RD. (:04) This opens a Pandora's box, as Blade tells story about a gay dog's penis (:06), and hallucinates that RD said something about Greg tasting dog semen (:08).

Big Daddy V/World's Largest Love Machine/Viscera/Mabel was taken off the road because he's overweight (:09), which begs the question: why now instead of fifteen years ago?

Nothing happens for four minutes, then RD introduces Blade to Hayseed Dixie, the AC/DC cover band, which is to say nothing happens for nine minutes. Then RD unveils that he went to the Chick-Fil-A Dwarf House (:18). Apparently Gordon Solie was sick (:20). The Coal Miner's Daughter, Sissy Spacek, is not a door (:21). The Dwarfs weren't mining gold nuggets, but chicken nuggets (:25).

Blade got pulled over by the cops again, and must explain the ancient construction-worker secret art of trashbaggin' it (:30). He also tells his 'favorite' story. RD: "You can limit it down to just one?"

Obscure Wrestling News: Mike Knox left some possessions in his former residence (:35). Trish Stratus is opening a yoga studio (:39). This week's induction is the Death of ECW. The Undertaker has a large bedroom for his "huge, special bed" (:42). Jim Ross blogged about Test turning his life around. Turns out there was no wrestling news this week.

DO NOT ZOOM IN

RD calls Jim Ross's office as Blade rambles about another trashbaggin' story (:48). "Good Ol' JR" as interpreted by Blade calls the show and rambles for ten minutes. This just in from the Faxtrolla: Test was arrested for drunk driving (:57). "JR": "Buh Gawd he got shitfaced aghen!"

Johnny 6 rolls in to say "Ich. Bin. Ein. T. N. A. Er." because of TNA being broadcast in Germany (:60).

Question of the Week from I.C.: There may be another Short Circuit movie. Johnny Six to Blade: "Hi. Fuck. Face. ... I. Don't. Do. Incest. Like. You. Do." (:67)

Blade says Brother Midnight may address Damien Demento (:71). WWE may build a Hall of Fame. There will be no Katie Vick exhibit. RD suggests that Blade's DNA wasn't the first sample on that outfit (:73). Animatronic Fabulous Moolah. Miss Elizabeth was hotter in WCW. Michelle McCool isn't (:77).

Seventeen Syllable Haiku For This Week:
Barack versus Clinton.
And soon their mixed tag partners:
Donald and Rosie.

099 Rotting Meat Love Songs: April 4, 2008

No Nipples?

Rotting Meat Love Songs
(73 minutes)

RD bought some songs on iTunes. One of them is from Queen. This week's induction is the Big Show sumo match vs Akebono. Blade takes the excuse to sing randomly.

Blade says he bought a Milli Vanilli CD at a yard sale for 99 cents. Blade, I ask you, who charges 99 cents at a yard sale instead of a dollar? Edge is no longer ED GE, his title belt says REDGER. (:21)

Blade went to Canada and his car was searched and Blade had rotting meat in his trunk. (:23) RD wasn't invited to Jed Shaffer's party but Blade was. RD hints that he wants Blade's meat in his mouth. Blade wants a variety hour with skits and characters instead of a radio progrem.

WWE 24/7 Week 8 33 minutes in: This week features wrestling animals, but not the matches in which people wrestle bears. Blade does his Matilda impersonation.

Obscure Wrestling News (:40): Wrestlers' nipples airbrushed out. For more information, google wrestlemania nipples. Blade: "Not that I'm a big fan of male nipples." Horsetrolla (:46): Mickie James helped a boy who was having a seizure.

Question of the Week (:52): Mr. T.L.Wolf asks about dangerous Trollas. RD proposes a Hymentrolla. RD dusts off the Draftrolla.

Johnny 6 rolls in. (:57)  Blade wanted to be the first wrestling mime. He says he'd wear a mask, neglecting the fact that mimes wear face paint. TNA Impact will be airing on Fox 8 in Australia. Johnny 6: "I. Can't. Wait. To. Tie. Me. Kangaroo. Down."

RD almost says he'll pleasure Blade. RD loves to watch Ashley Massaro wrestle, even when she's terrible in the ring, as always. (:63) Sad News: Kane defeated Chavo in eight seconds, thus besting King Kong Bundy's alleged nine-second victory over SD Jones. (:64) RD and Blade talked about rotting meat on this show than they did WrestleMania. Blade thinks WrestleMania guest Raven Simone played Bill Cosby's daughter. She played his step-granddaughter.

Seventeen Simple Syllables:
Next year's Mania.
One very simple request:
Please, no more pyro.

(098) WrestleRadd Radio: March 28, 2008

Young RD

WrestleRadd Radio ("Do you put it in the nipple?")
(52 minutes)

It's the eighth anniversary of WrestleCrap.com and Blade is reminded of Billy Joel.

In March 1988, RD and Blade made their first WrestleCrap radio tape. Despite never meeting until a few years ago. Despite living hundreds of miles away. Despite the lack of an internet. Despite RD being 19 and Blade being 13. Despite the phone and/or cassette static being AM radio static.

No wonder 'current' Blade is afraid of a cartoon character on a cereal box and calls him King Pedophile.

[I also like the fact that when Blade is diverted by John Thomas making a house call, he 'matures' back to his normal speaking voice, then when John leaves remembers he's supposed to be 13 and goes back to his 'falsetto'. Really realistic, huh? - PB]

WrestleMania Haiku:
WrestleMania.
No smartass haiku this week.
Thank you, Nature Boy.

097 Who Bangs Better with Blade Braxton: March 14, 2008

Krankor Speaks (to the people of Earth)

Who Bangs Better with Blade Braxton
(77 minutes)

Unexpectedly, the show begins with wrestling news: Jeff Hardy pulled a Blade Braxton and was suspended for sixty days for violating the wellness policy.

For more information, skip ahead seventy minutes.

RD and Blade imitate Lord Alfred. Blade did color commentary on a shaky bootleg of a Whiplash Wrestling match, Jude Vice vs Brian Jacobs. Jude is the one wearing white tights. Whiplash Wrestling's official site is hosted by the fine folks at tripod.com.

Blade: "I bet Vickie Guerrero knows how to fuck."
RD: "I guarantee you that's not on the Observer this week."

No 24/7 (Week 6) (:13) as RD went to Atlanta for his job to stay in a paper-thin walled hotel with mirrors all over its bathrooms, and saw a Dwarf House Chick-fil-A. It's essentially a restaurant with an expanded Chic-Fil-A menu.

The Faxtrolla fires out obscure wrestling news at the 24-minute mark. Damien Demento has a rather confusing response to RD and Blade. RD thus thinks they have won the battle by default. Matt Morgan is an American Gladiator. Sean Morley (Val Venus) is selling his Mac Powerbook. Well, he TRIED to. All that work for 271 page views and zero bids.

Who Bangs Better with Blade Braxton (March Madness): A debate rages over who lactates more: Nathan Jones or Linda Hogan. (:39) Blade insists that everyone see the two-minute commercial for The Deion Sanders Hot Dog Express instead of trying Hulk Hogan's contraption. (:42) The Crickets want to move out of WC HQ. Joanie Laurer's latest reality show is called "Celebrity Circus". She'll play the Bearded Lady. (:48)

The Question of the Week segment occurs. (:50) Shane Dillon has a trick question for the Co-Hosts. Blade wants to sire children with Alyssa Milano and doesn't like the Double Filet-o-Fish. RD saw A Clockwork Orange by mistake. [He probably saw it via the Ludovico Technique. Great film adaptation though. - PB]

RD summons Johnny 6 for TNA news, (:55) which consists solely of the fact that an audience member was hit by a (flying) fish during a Dudley Boyz match. "Thank. God. Lent. Is. Over. Soon," he says cryptically, prompting the Crickets to answer for him.

Sixty-two minutes into the show, the "current wrestling news scene" is discussed. A bait-and-switch at Raw leaves many mad. It is revealed that the ECW title is as valuable as a super sized combo meal from McDonald's.

Blade Braxton's Wrestling Haiku:
Hardy and Ashley
The correct phrase is Just Say
No, not just say blow.

RD proclaims, "That is the worst ending ever."

096 Home Cooking: March 7, 2008

Iron Sheik: Available For Parties...The Old Country Way!

"The roast beef corn oil vagina of radio shows."
(64 minutes)

RD and Blade declare that Damien Demento got crapped. Youtube hosts their seven minute video, in which Lord Alfred Hayes "played the role of a balloon."

ED GE's current escort, Vickie Guerrero, apparently has a thing for men named Ed G. (:09)

Blade and RD begin to re-enact "Wrestletalk with Bill Apter and Ric Flair." (:11) The intent was for Blade Apter to ask a simple inane question, then RD Flair would discuss fashion for six minutes and then go down the roster and mock every other wrestler. RD requests that Blade impersonate Bill Apter and Jim Ross. Blade begins to do it. (:16)  Somehow that leads to RD praising last week's WWE 24/7 (Week 5) in which the British Bulldogs were featured. (:17) Blade likes "vintage Matilda action." RD plays dogs barking Jingle Bells.

RD points out that The Undertaker has been 15-0 at WrestleMania but many of the matches have been awful. These were his opponents: aging Jimmy Snuka, out-of-shape Jake the Snake, immobile Giant Gonzales, King Kong Bundy, Diesel, Sycho Sid, Kane, Boss Man, HHH, Flair, Big Show and Albert, Kane again, Orton, Mark Henry, and Batista.

The Faxtrolla spits out obscure wrestling news. (:21) The Iron Sheik is now available for parties. He'd be scarier than a clown. Jessica Hatch was in Maxim's Hometown Hottie contest. (:27) Does that mean she's only super hot when compared to other Houstonians? Blade and RD reminisce about the time they suggested that they should talk to her about maybe wanting to take a picture of their faces on each side of her ass. Heat celebrated 500 episodes, which is indeed obscure wrestling news. (:30) Talk about Shane McMahon leads to another instance of Don Mason using corn oil. Jeff Goldblum as the Fly.

RD says, "We would make the world a better place if we went around putting eggs on top of old ladies' heads."

The Question of the Week this week is a sad non-question letter. (:38) Brandon From Edmonton lost his job because he fell asleep at work while listening to RD and Blade discuss "a big-nippled vampire." I say if you can't sleep at work, then you don't want that job anyway. Blade responds by referencing Mickey James' Arby's roast beef. (:43)

Someone on the forums invites the Co-Hosts to his wedding. (:46)

Johnny 6 makes a cameo appearance. . . . (:48) RD says, "Never commit statutory rape...We used to be the Apple Dumpling Gang of internet radio shows. Now we're like the roast beef corn oil vagina of radio shows." Johnny 6 insults Blade: "I. Did. Not. Know. Braxton. Wanted. To. Be. A. Wrestler."

WWE.com now has industry news. (:56) WrestleCrap's new goal is to be cited as a source on that web page, with Johnny 6 as a correspondent.

Blade Braxton's Seventeen Syllables on Money Mayweather:
Money Mayweather--
his boxing skills are cash, pro-
mo skills are welfare.