135 Record Breaker: February 6, 2009

56 minutes

Heart Shaped "Meat"

We begin with some random discussion about mittens. Blade vows never to reveal his stage surname (while sober anyway). Next he'll do a Vince Russo and vow never to show himself on TV. (:02) Randy Orton admitted to doing a work with Shane "Banner" McMahon, which is confusing on many levels. (:04) RD wants Shane to wear mittens.

This fine radio progrem is "the longest running episodic wrestling podcast in the history of planet Earth". (:08) Blade will auction an autographed BannerTrolla which was also seen in the Shoot Interview. (:11) The new Angry Marks ad feed gives RD an excuse for a bad Jeff Foxworthy impression. Random shows are mentioned.

RD's TRIP to the Grocery: (:20) This show is a 'poor attempt at humor'. RD is still fighting with Fiber One bars. A Mexican restaurant near RD is named Las Lupitas (:25). RD has to quickly move on before Blade's dream summons Chris Hansen (or worse, King Pedophile).

Obscure Wrestling News (:26): Brooke Hogan vs. Reid Flair. Will Ricky Steamboat Jr. riding a pony be the ref?

Robecca DiPietro is making more bad ads (:34), in this case this terrible attempt for the Doritos SuperBowl commercial contest. The Co-Hosses watch it. According to Blade, Jim Ross IS Admiral Ackbar. Buh Gawd King it's a trap! (If you thought THAT was bad then you better not watch this one.)

Question of the Week from Jack-a-Laction (:38): something about TNA. It's just an excuse for Stubby to return and do his usual shtick.

Continuing with TNA and the need for a correspondent, RD calls the man on everyone's mind reading/listening to it: Jim Ross. (:45) The man hasn't had sex in...a while (he keeps inflating the number every time he's on the air, much like WCW with Goldberg) and angry at at the help he hired to replace Steve Williams, who is now playing 'Amelia Earhart' (what, is he vanishing off the face of the earth?). Knowing the fate of all those before him in TNA he angrily refuses. Whatever, I'm crediting him as a TNA guy as part of my prediction. [I thought you had it, but he rejected the offer. —Iggy]

Current Wrestling News (:49) has the Co-Hosses watching the Trailer for 12 Rounds (AKA The Marine 2: Electric Boogaloo) and think of it as ripping Die Hard with a Vengeance (which also involved Renny Harlin I think). Also AC/DC is sadly not playing at Wrestlemania (:54).

The girthiest Haiku you will ever hear:
No AC/DC.
Time for some cheap sunglasses.
Time for ZZ Top.

Sure enough some MIDI tune of Cheap Sunglasses is played. Blade: "This may be the only song worse than Here Comes the Money."

131 No Improvement: January 9, 2009

Typical Rasslin' fan, Sugah!

75 minutes

Because of a friendly bet Farmer Iggy and I made over the Canadiens-Penguins match last month (of which my beloved Habitant won 3-2 thanks to a Andrei "The Giant" Kostitsyn hat-trick), he has to write a article of his own too, and a nice complimentary one at that. (That is the one right below this one.) Knowing our track records with this fine radio progrem and the quality of this week in particular...I pity him, I really do.

[Here's his piece if you're wondering. Again: poor guy.]

RD is busy, much to Blade's chagrin, with some 'recent' report on the wrestling industry headed by Congressman Henry Waxman (D-CA: Descended from Canadians? His father was born in Montreal, speak of the non New Jersey Devil Canadiens). RD reads a portion of the testimony in a bad Dixie Carter impression. "Have you seen the 40 Year Old Virgin, Sugar?" (:03)

RD is refocusing himself now on the Radio Progrem, delegating Triple Kelly to take his place writing new inductions for the time being. While I support it dearly I fear that he may call on ME to take Blade's place for his own columns (should he actually update them), a position I fear I'll utterly fail at. (:11) There's also a new hosting site for the WCR episodes slowly being updated. RD does his 70's J. Jonah Jameson impression. He should do it like this man. Blade is sober this week for a change. (:16)

Speaking of Waxman and his Report, RD and Blade were called on for some sort of related hearing by a Quentin "Q-Tip" Arnold, of which RD secretly recorded some of it with a wire in the off-chance of using it (perhaps as blackmail material - against himself). Some time is wasted listening to the funky People's Court theme music which arouses RD. (:17) We learn the show's 12 Listeners are 7 Unibomber-style shack males, 3 shut-ins, 1 deceased and known to be sick, and Robecca DiPietro (who again favorite-d that Car Ad commercial - make up your mind buddy!).

Our show is "full of wrestling news" which we won't actually get to hear about. (:25) The 2009 Gooker voting has begun and the nominations gone over; Vince's Million Dollar Rickrolling Mania, a confusing TNA Love Triangle (including the mystery of So Cal Val's missing nose), Commentator Mike Adamle, "Obama" vs. "Clinton", Braden Walker (RD personally wants him to win so he could have him on the show; remember that they did shows together), The Divas Championship, Santino Mirella vs. Cousin Sal, and the TNA Fish Market Street Fight. Personally I am split between Adamle and the MDM. A search for Maryse's photos is made. RD thinks she is/looks greasy. She looks fine to me.

Obscure Sad News: Lord Littlebrook is ill. The good news is he's not suffering from pneumonia. (:36) Blade once took a leak next to his son at a strip club. Littlebrook's I mean, not his own. (As far as he knows.) Some smack talk of the Colts and Lions is made. (:41) The Iron Sheik is accepting bookings for public functions to humble you old country way while getting heavily drunk. RD thinks he has a curly penis.

More of the Q-Tip hearing. (:44) The crickets failed a drug test. RD killed five people last year.

Question of the Week (:53) once more from Ultimate Kennedy (7) (who also sent the two Christmas gifts, fine man) indirectly brings up the WrestleCrap Carnival. Unfortunately there is no mention of kicking Virgil in the balls.

The new TNA correspondent MegaTrolla marches in with bad sound effects (:59). He cuts to the chase in his first week on the job by not watching TNA at all as he was looking for the Allspark. Still, he's the best TNA correspondent by far. Of course, that's not really saying much.

Some more of the Q-Tip hearing. (:63) Questions of Robecca's fake breasts and phone number make RD suspicious of their questioner. "We cock blocked Mr. Tip!" he defiantly says as if expected to be quoted upon.

Current News consists solely of Vince returning to TV despite having his legs 'crushed' in that aforementioned Million Dollar Mess. (:68) RD wants Don Mason to pee on Vince and thus challenge him to a match at Wrestlemania. Vickie Guerrero nudes were posted and just recently removed on wwe.com.

Seventeen syllables...to put this episode of WrestleCrap Radio to bed:
Vickie's birthday suit.
We got to see her black box.
Time for Summer's Eve.

Testify!! for #131

WrestleCrap Radio Recap
Testify!!
75 minutes
Written by Farmer Iggy

It's a new year and WrestleCrap is back!! And I'm back writing a recap because I lost a bet!!

What a great year 2008 was!! I didn't get stabbed even once!!

On with the show!!

RD has been hard at work poring over thousands of pages of a transcript of hearings held by a U.S. Congress committee, chaired by Henry Waxman. Employees of wrestling companies recently testified in the nation's capital about steroids.

This is great news!! Congress is free to use their time concentrating on an issue that nobody cares about, because everything else is hunky-dory!! The economy is on the mend!! Democracy has spread like cancer in Afghanistan and Iraq!! Peace has broken out all over the world!! China and India have decided to curb pollution!! OSAMA IS DEAD!! Iran, North Korea, and Cuba were taken off the shit list!! Stock markets have rebounded world-wide!! AIDS IS SURVIVABLE!! The troops are coming home, this time not in body bags!! Detroit has recovered!! HEATH LEDGER HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE!! Gasoline prices have fallen dramatically!! The sky's the limit for the Oakland A's in 2009!! HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!! Global warming has been solved!! The housing market has bounced back!! SOME OF THOSE AREN'T FALSE!!

Among those questioned were Dixie Carter and Stephanie McMahon. RD impersonates Dixie as he reads the part in which she links fans of wrestling to fans of The 40 Year Old Virgin (:04). Blade and RD say they would never insult their fans like that (:07). Unfortunately, some people need to be insulted in order to get the hint that they suck. That's where this site rightchere can help!!

Since April, this site has bashed RD and Blade, the providers of free entertainment, week after week. I won't speak for Premier Blah, [I'll still focus myself against the Dynamic Co-Hossing Duo. - PB] but I, Farmer Iggy, for ALL of 2009, will "hate on" the listeners EXCLUSIVELY!! EVEN IN REAL LIFE!! If I have a bad day at work, it will be the listeners' fault!! If I scrape my forearm, I know THE GODDAMN LISTENERS DID IT!! HERE'S TO MENTAL HEALTH IN 2009!!

WrestleCrap Radio's host, Podango.com, died and went to CyberHell at the end of 2008. Just for posterity, here is the old blurb on http://www.wrestlecrap.com/wrestlecrapradio.html for Podango:

The entire WrestleCrap Radio archive is now hosted on our new system, Podango, which will allow all sorts of new features for the show, including direct comments for each episode! We are also looking into new ways to make the show even more craptacular in the future for our 12 listeners. Thanks - and keep on Crappin'!

And if you want WCR as fast as humanly possible, just click on the subscribe feed on the Podango page - you'll get the shows before Podango updates!

And here's the new blurb for LibSyn:

The entire WrestleCrap Radio archive is now hosted on our new system, LibSyn, which will allow all sorts of new features for the show, including direct comments for each episode! We are also looking into new ways to make the show even more craptacular in the future for our 12 listeners. Thanks - and keep on Crappin'!

And if you want WCR as fast as humanly possible, just click on the subscribe feed on the Podango page - you'll get the shows before Podango updates!

ALRIGHT!!


Blade suggests Tammy Sytch's old site wrestlingvixens.com be an induction (:08). This week's induction is Vinnie Vegas, written by Triple Kelly.

More big news!! Triple Kelly is now the lead writer of WrestleCrap Inductions (:10). Congratulations Triple Kelly!!

Short impersonations are drawn from the late '60s version of Spider-Man (:12). Podango's dead but the sponsorships aren't (:14). The People's Court theme music is porn music (:18). Congressman Waxman's aide, Mr Tibbs, questioned RD and Blade as proved by an clip of the first part, which lasts four minutes (:20).

WrestleCrap kicks off 2009 with its exalted crown (of thorns) -- the Gooker Award!! (:25) You don't even have to register or anything!! Anyone who visits this webpage before January 26 can vote!!

And the nominees are: Mike Adamle, Vince McMahon's Million Dollar Mania, Santino vs Cousin Sal, Braden Walker in general, the Diva championship title, Hillary vs Barack, TNA Fish Market Fight, and Dutt-Lethal-Val love triangle. All are deserving nominees!! This one will be close!!

Blade wants to fund WrestleCrap Radio One Dollar Mania (:27) but RD opposes. RD talked about Maryse for a minute (:31). Interactive: Maryse's greasy visage (:34). Blade likes legs, ass, abs, and then tits (:35).

Obscure Wrestling News: Sad News: Lord Littlebrook is bedridden (:36), which is fortunate for his family because you don't want a person with Alzheimer's to be mobile. The Detroit Lions stink now and Blade prefers to reminisce about the Lions from back from the Jim Brown era (:40). I could not tell you what decade that was. The Iron Sheik, Bushwacker Luke, and John Cena Sr. can be booked to watch a WWE PPV with you (:43). In exchange for dollars, you can torture three notable men with bad television!!

The second clip lasts eight minutes (:44). It's difficult to make congressional testimony entertaining unless you're Peter Dragon.

Question of the Week: Blade says, "Apparently I am a alcohol monkey" (:53). Ultimate Kennedy gave Chainsaw Charlie and Sparky Plugg dolls to Blade and Tatanka (Buffalo) and Earthquake to RD for Xmas (:56). UK claims Kizarny is awesome (:57), which is completely false. Kizarny will likely be very available for the WrestleCrap Carnival (:58)!! MegaTrolla appeared (:59).

The third and final clip lasts four minutes (:62). Vince McMahon will appear on Raw in a few weeks (:68), as his handlers plan to scare him out of his hole in the ground. Will he see his shadow? Vickie Guerrero's black-boxed nude photos were placed on wwe.com and removed a few days later by popular demand (:72).

Seventeen Syllables About Her:
Vickie's birthday suit.
We got to see her black box.
Time for Summer's Eve.

Nice recaps take three times as long to write!!

[I know! I wonder how I will fare should it be my turn next time... - PB] [For the April 11th Pens-Habs game, should we wager that the loser has to watch the entire Jeff Jarrett DVD set? —Iggy] [You shall have it. I'll see if I can try and get it electronically too. —PB]

[This bet was changed because a Jeff Jarrett DVD set is cruel and unusual. —Iggy, April 13, 2009]

129 Oklahoma Jim and the Last Crusade: December 12, 2008

Snitsky, AKA Boba Foot, Future Endeavored

DetroitLionsCrap.com - I bet that's not taken!
72 minutes
Written by Premier Blah

The antics of the Great Khali and his long tongue down Mickie James' throat forces Blade to drink. Blade has a feeling that this episode will be 'the greatest show of all time'. Also, the Titanic is unsinkable. (:03) The Colts and Lions are playing next week. Another bet is proposed, perhaps of Blade having sex with Nicole Bass. (What is it with these two and Nicole Bass?) It would probably be more bearable if one or both were wearing Katie Vick outfits while doing so.

Lions Center Dominic Raiola has no remorse for flipping off his heckling fans at a home game (:07). Well, what do you expect from a wrestling broadcast but pro football news? Blade wants him to scratch his taint. (scratchingyourtaint.com has not yet been taken.) Discussion follows of the hapless Lions and Raiola wanting to challenge his hecklers to fight him in his front lawn. Could that be a basis for a good video game? Blade mentions his Front Yard Boxing Association Championship Belt. (:11) A real bet is made for the game - the loser has to be drunk for next show. I don't know - at this point I'm more interested in making a bet with Farmer Iggy here on who would emerge victorious when the Canadiens face the Penguins. [How about: if the Penguins lose, Blade has to defend his FYBA title against Paul Bissonnette? —Iggy] Also Blade has two interviews this week on doorstopnation.com and myspace.com/theatomicdropshow

RD's TRIP to the grocery (:16) is made possible in thanks to the Archive (and viewers like you). One of the purchasers, John P., bought RD some Bimbo Bread. Don't laugh - the thing is actually real, albeit a more Mexican food than American one.

Obscure Wrestling News - RD & Blade were invited to a Trish Stratus party up north. (:20). Finger food is mentioned. RD becomes sad that the party is not exclusive to them. Then why would she have sent a Myspace bulletin about it then?

[Also goodness. Remember when not just Myspace was a thing, but it had BULLETINS??? - Future PB]

O.D.B. of TNA is 'sailing' some used undergarments for $50+ 'due to popular demand' (perhaps she was jealous of Layla's oranges). (:25) The mere mention of TNA has a Candyman like effect of 'Nathaniel' trying to ring in. This causes RD to again argue with himself. RD had a cool menthol turkey to go with Blade's alien ham. He should give it to 'Nathaniel'. Barry Darsow's son is signed to a WWE D-League (:31). Blade wonders if he will become Repo Boy. Sad News - Robecca DiPietro removes that ad commentary video from her favorites, (:32) maybe because she actually watched it (or perhaps read this very site). The co-hosts fear she will never appear on the show. Thank the Emperor for that.

Jim Ross calls in (:35). He lost out on his Slammies and his holiday hams aren't going too well and he hasn't been getting along with his wife either. Also he still doesn't like Brother Midnight. The phone rings again - speak of the devil, here he is! It's almost like they had it all planned out beforehand or something. (:40) A hilarious debate between the two ensues, of which we learn that Jim only lives for his BBQ sauce. Midnight's Crusade's help actually make our slobberknocker man into Happy JR. It's a Christmas miracle!...at least until the end of the episode.

Question of the Week (:50) from a 'Jay' wants Verne Gagne to beat up John Cena. Blade wants Rambo Greg Gagne to return as a log-throwing heel. RD wants Dr. D to be his companion, and wonders why they haven't made a best of DVD for him yet.

RD as Nate manages to get to spoil their fun, the Scrooge that he is. (:55) Further disfluency pops up in his speech, and not just because he sounds more and more like RD sounding as a man who loves TNA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION WRESTLING. This week; Sarah Palin on TNA? Gee, I wonder how that idea came about. 2 minutes this time. RD can't actually 'harm' Nate (seeing as he harms himself too, like that terrible Lindsay Lohan movie).

More Current Wrestling Sad News: Blade comments on the show's highs and lows, reminding me of an earlier similar show. Gene Snitsky AKA Boba Foot has been released. (:59) Could TNA be next for him? Hulk and Flair showed up in the Carolinas somewhere on YouTube and attracted 800 people (:62). At least it was more than an average TNA house showing. (Boy oh boy.) Blade does some bad Outsiders impressions. WWE was overseas in Iraq (:66) where Joey Styles beat up JBL.

Seventeen Syllables to commemorate Joey Styles legitimate threat to Blade's FYBA Championship:
JBL knocked out.
Guess mamajuana does-
-n't help a glass jaw.

As expected a newly Angry Jim calls in to bookend. Am I supposed to be impressed?

128 Dr. D's Black Friday: December 5, 2008

Sleepin' With The Fishes?

The Big Black Friday Recap Show
95 minutes
Written by Premier Blah

This writ is dedicated to Buddy "Dinobot" Beene, who passed away just previously. Rest in peace.

This week's inductee, one Dr. D David Schultz, thinks WC is the City Dump. RD believes that if he stayed with the company he could have been a license to print money/ratings. (:02) Discussion of this mortal enemy of John Stossel follows, Blade saying that any news of him overtook Black Friday. The Detroit Lions were annihilated by the league darlings the Tennessee Titans on Thanksgiving 10-47 making Blade sad. Unfortunately he doesn't go hitting the bottle which would make things infinitely better. (:05) RD calls the game one of the single worst games he has ever seen in his entire life. The two were texting back and forth during that match like some sort of middle-aged tall BFFs. Blade got a Lions 2008 pre-season championship shirt in the mail from some site or other. His 'match' with Nicole Bass is brought up. The season is not looking good for RD's Colts, Blade's Lions or my beloved Packers. Lions0in16.com has not yet been taken. RD's Christmas present is whatisthisthecitydump.com complete with looping sound bite. (isn't that at ytmnd.com somewhere?) (Also, if you want more Dr. D insanity check out the beginning of this YouTube video) The two Masonmania entries (video culminations of Blade's Don Mason stories) are mentioned. Blade shills himself in the new DVD (:13) and is said to be 'disgusting' in the shoot interview by RD.

RD's TRIP to Black Friday (:16) makes RD fearful of his life from the hillbillies around him. RD's jokes fail at Wal-Mart, much like they do normally on the show. He also encountered a Grizzly Adams/Mike Knox type with a knife. He quotes an angry shopper - "I fuckin' hate Christmas!" Blade is thankful he slept in for it.

Obscure Wrestling News: Bri Bella of the Bella Twins is dating Richie Kotzen, formally of Poison. (:34) Thank God Bret is not involved.

It's also Tammy Sytch's 36th birthday. (:36). Her site is visited. A more enticed Blade undertakes a NSFW Image Search involving 'Tammy Sytch eggs'. - I've seen some terrible stuff and even I have to admit that makes me nauseous. Search at your own peril! To get that off we have her Amazon Wish List for her birthday, but the only thing bought as of this writing is this rather strange item.

Leading from that, how about a $10 admission bargain at half the price of Greg Valentine and George Steele starring in a movie together? (:45) We watch the teaser snippet for their movie, Somethin' Fishy, which involves the two co-stars just sitting around talking. Kinda like this show really. RD is surprised by George's talking while Blade wants to hear Greg talk about having sex with non-Chyna transfolks, like he did at that one convention. Sadly neither of the two took a dive in the water, so thus the whole thing is an ordeal. Now, a fishing movie with Dr. D? THAT would be a blockbuster according to RD. There are free showings on this Friday December 5th down in Florida, but there has been little or no news about it. I would guess that, well, something's fishy about all this.

The HorseTrolla lifts the tail, with more news on Mickie James (:54), who wants to act. Also she has split up with John Cena, which is good news for Blade. Sadly I don't think he'll do much with this latest development.

Jim Ross calls (:58), in a rather more serious mood this time. After telling us about how Doctor Steve Williams poisoned a child with a badly cooked turkey, he feels Brother Midnight is trying to fuck with him with a BBQ apron and also providing the thought of BBQing naked. He promises to help ham cooking tips for Christmas, while suffering what seems to be an emotional breakdown. "Go fuck yourself!" he says randomly before he 'hangs up'.

Question of the Week. (:67) Raging Demons (3) talks about TNA and a Cricket Arena. Those two go well together! SPEAKING OF TNA...'Nathaniel' is here. (:70) He sounds more and more like RD with each episode. There's something about turkeys; like this segment for one. Blade is mad as hell and is not gonna take this anymore, but the Star Gazer/Hustler music interrupts as Seaman First Class Peter Gazer randomly calls in to save the day. (:73) He's on the line and out of the closet, and RD & Blade are happy to see him, as are we all. (His entrance to the Navy has been tied up which explains his appearance, which is about as valid as...well...believing that he's gay.) He calls 'Nerdaniel' a Totally Nerd Asshole...so he's indirectly calling out RD too? (As you can see my suspension of disbelief has broken, sending my disbelief all over the street crushing helpless civilians.) He scares off Nate away though and wonders if Blade is bi, promising to teach Nate something should he visit. Now THAT would be a something. He could combat Nate's weak physicality with jazz hands. But his gay attitude brings back the gayness in the holiday spirit, or whatever that whole thing was attempting. It's not like Pete has been on the show a lot or something. ... Wait, was he even on the show before?

Music-less Current Sad News (:80) Bruce Pritchard AKA Brother Love has been released. The Gobbeldy Gooker was sighted at Survivor Series with the Boogeyman. (:83) Robecca DiPietro favored the WCR commentary video of her Batista sex doll commercial. SPEAKING OF Batista, he was involved with Kelly Kelly at one point but split off from her due to her being too 'immature'. You don't say. (:85) (Oh, and here's a picture of the man at a Washington Wizards game) Discussion of his 'mentor' Ric Flair and his sexual conquests follows. Stephanie McMahon should be called Black Monday. Mockery of her and the Slammies follows. Shawn Michaels is broke.

Seventeen Syllables of Knowledge:
Broke-ass HBK.
No cash - guess it's time for Whis-
per to start whoring.

Oh, and I counted Blade saying "you know" at least 30 times. What did YOU get?

127 Thanks For Nothing: November 21, 2008

"Thanks For Nothing!"
82 minutes
Written by Premier Blah

Thanksgiving has landed like the Mayflower on American soil, and Blade looks forward to the Lions losing yet again. He also doesn't like pecan pie for some reason, and he missed buying some Bo Jackson pumpkin pie. There's always a next time... French vanilla cool whip is given some psychoanalytical treatment. Don...Don Mason was once caught with Ready Whip to remove the 'salty taste'. (:03) This week's Classic Inductions are glossed over, which feature the Gobbeldy Gooker, the AWA Team Challenge Series featuring a Turkey on a Pole, and a ruined Survivor Series (:04). Oh, and the new induction is Tatanka (Buffalo) returning to WWE and hating Thanksgiving due to the injustices done to his people, which is on the same level of authenticity as Chakotay's Native American heritage on Star Trek: Voyager. RD and Blade wonder if Samoa Joe basted and cooked as a turkey would be better than the real thing. A temporary sponsor: the 2008 Archive DVD, taking the place earlier occupied of the WrestleCrap Book of LISTS Exclamation Point! Shilling of it ensues.

Blade's TRIP down the Cereal Aisle (:11) has him encountering Coco Drops, which to him resembles shit. RD is enraged because Little Debbie Snack Trees have increased in price - who can blame them in this sterling economy? Blade fails to entertain us. (:15) Little Debbie is 48 years of age according to RD's search. Blade wonders if she can pose for Playboy and finds this flattering picture on Google. 'Powerful people' are mentioned as part of the 12 Listeners (:18)Well, yes, they are. They have electrical power alright.

(I apologize for that.)

Paul London today
(artist's representation)

Obscure Wrestling News - a $20 million cut is rumored for WWE (:22) Could Supercrazy be a solution? An unemployed Paul London can be booked (perhaps for your next birthday party) at plfutureendeavors@yahoo.com. There's discussion of hiring him as a co-host (or TNA correspondent), but can he be understood through his mask?

Anonymous Brooke (remember her?) has won some sort of 'Freestyle Fitness Mexico 2008 Contest' to the tune of $5000 (:29). This must have included competing in evening gown and swimsuit contests, resulting in heated discussion of her as a parade. Robecca DiPietro has made another commercial but her double entendre actions puzzle our co-hosts. Perhaps that porn music can help us out.

Current Diva Tiffany promotes veganism on her blog. (:41) RD and Blade slightly mock her about her knowledge of animal treatment. Jim Ross calls (:42), and of course being a cattle man with his myriad BBQ sauces is completely opposed - after all who doesn't like meat? (Especially if it's Jim's.) He also has a Myspace page. He spends his time telling us how to make a turkey, and we hear how "Doc beats Jim's meat." Well there you go. Blade can't stop laughing while as him.

Oh, and Marc Mero was robbed this week. (:51) Perhaps the same guy who robbed a psychotic Balls Mahoney a while back did the deed?

The phone rings again and it's...Chief Jay Strongbow? RD picks up and puts the phone down.

Blade: "Not only was that nonsensical, but that could be the most random moment in WrestleCrap Radio history."

Question Of The Week from Darth Who (2) (:54) concerns Christmas decorations. Blade is already drunk from his hospital mug. Good for him.

SPEAKING OF drinking, Nathaniel (:59) 'talks' about wrestling video games and TNA Impact. Time: 6 minutes. At least from this we know that he knows more than just TNA Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling! Blade wishes only the worst for him should they finally fire him. Preferably out of a cannon.

Music-Less Current Wrestling News is worn out from Nate (like all of us). RD promises to find music after nearly four years of silence. It emulates the current state of wrestling, and thus something they are not very much enthused about. Well, except for Randy Savage's cool-ass beard. I think I've found a new forum signature. (:69) He's also voice acting in the upcoming Disney film Bolt (Exclamation Point). Sadly it's just a generic animated movie (which is generally any animated movie these days not made by Pixar) and not the Vincent Lecavalier Story, unfortunately.

There's TMZ footage somewhere of Roddy Piper smoking marijuana and acting hopped up (of which my colleague Iggy has managed to find.). Hulk Hogan is selling his trademarks to Eric Bischoff so Linda can't get it...errr...

Chief Jay Strongbow's appearance on live TV angers RD and Blade who wish for a little randomness in it all (and random people appearing too).

Blade's gonna finish y'all off here with seventeen syllables about Chief Jay Strongbow:
He's Chief Jay Strongbow.
It's not why he was on Raw
It's just one word: How.

RD quotes Tatanka: "Thanks for nothing!"

(The next show is in two weeks, friends.)

102 Cinco de Captain Crunch: May 2, 2008

Stinko de Mayo, Live from Carl's Jr
(105 minutes)

RD has a touch of bronchitis, so Blade will be talking more than usual. This is despite him being too drunk to remember to be interviewed recently. Psicosis was deported for having invalid paperwork (:12).

Blade's Trip to the Grocery: Johnny Six's death means there's time for this segment to 'return' (:14), although this show is 25 minutes longer than last week's. Boo Berry is back at Blade's local supermarket. Blade dislikes Starosaurus, the mascot of some sort of generic Lucky Charms.

Obscure Wrestling News Good Times: Robecca DiPietro made a potato chip commercial contest entry, which she'll sleep with you for if you vote for it. (:23) Somehow this fact eats up sixteen minutes of the show.

Horsetrolla: Mickie James is in a music video alongside the Deever. Seven more minutes expire because RD is speechless. Sad News: Balls Mahoney was future endeavored. (:46)

I don't want to know what they
mean exactly by 'hand-scooped'...

Question Trip of the Week: Frank from L.A. is called. He tries out the Cap 'n Crunch Milkshake at a Carl's Jr (:54 - :71).

The former Big Nippled Vampire Shelly Martinez's name wasn't Spanish enough for TNA, so she's now called Salinas. (:76) Her Myspace page proclaims, "I LOVE boys with long hair and I have an eye fetish. I love them there eyes!!"

RD wasn't satisfied with Frank's eighteen-minute Cap 'n Crunch Milkshake segment and gets Josh Van Meiter to eat it. (He strangely sounds like Lee Marshall.) He runs into Weird Al as Rambo in his attempt. (:81 - :87)

More usual nonsense fills the last fifteen minutes. Hulk Hogan gets frisky with his daughter. Warrior wants to fight Vince at Wrestlemania. He too has a Myspace page. Trevor Murdock is stealing their gimmick of singing. Blade is 'inspired' to sing on his own Myspace page.

Seventeen Syllables on My New Favorite Wrestling Personality, Mike Adamle:
Adamle walked out.
Know what? That's a wonderful
fucking idea.

056 Robotic Robecca Released: March 23, 2007

Robotic Robecca Released
(79 minutes)

RD met his co-author of The Death of WCW, Bryan Alvarez, for the first time at an indy show. A man in a monkey suit was directing parking lot traffic. He later was involved in a match as The Super Amazing Monkey. Why that guy hasn't been signed to TNA yet I do not know.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:21): RD saw non-refrigerated organic milk in the cereal aisle, which got on his nerves. Reanimated via CGI Orville Redenbacher is creepy.

Co-Host Contest Week 6: Eric doesn't know. (:32) Soul thinks Haku figures are glorified bars of soap. (:38) Trash has written all their questions up till now. A likely story. 4 of 11.

Mail Bag (:47): Tony Christ wants the Mighty Seamen. RD flubs a laugh but doesn't edit it out. Jimmy K brings about RD's giving a physics lesson. (:49)

Obscure Wrestling News (:52): The Iron Sheik was robbed of his Wal-Mart earnings by a 'nephew' and a 'drug dealing driver'. Lita and her band are recording an album. (:57) New Godwins. Blade can't spell. (:62) Sad News: Robecca DiPietro was fired. (:63)

This Week's Top Wrestling News Story is that Bobby "Lindsay" Lashley broke the Masterlock. (:66) Kelly Kelly danced with the Deever and "Anonymous Brooke" to Pour Some Sugar on Me. (:69) WrestleMania: Kane vs Khali in a meathook match.

Seventeen Syllables Dedicated to the Battle of the Billionaires:
Billionaire Battle.
I'd pay one billion dollars
to make this shit stop.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The pissed to my off, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Fight Sports Midwest
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 14. Joy and happiness in my innards, your innards, things being awesome, sounds we like, things, things that are cold (5), violating in the corn hole (2), Verne Gagne masterbating, having your corn hole violated
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 0.
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Krankor Laughs: 3
• Weird Al Laughs: 2 
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2.5
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 4
• Cricket Chirps: 3
  

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  4
• Trish Stratus References:  1

 

• Mailbag
• Tony Christ: Do you think Ricky Steamboat, Tugboat, and Captain Mike Rotundo/Rotunda could have formed a stable called The Fighting Seamen? RJ Fletcher: Flubbed Yes.
  
• Jimmy K: Hi guys. I have two questions for you this week, one for RD and one for Blade. First off, and this question has been bugging me for years, RD, you know I was wondering. Like, if you were traveling through outer space and you're going real fast like the speed of light, and all of a sudden you start screaming, you think your brain would blow up? Of course my brain will not blow up. And secondly to Blade, I called a few colleges and business schools to see if they had any Ladder Falling 101 classes. None of them had any professors with degrees in that field so I'm wondering: how DO you learn to fall off a 20 foot ladder? I don't know.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Billionaire Battle.
  I'd pay one billion dollars
  to make this shit stop.
  

055 Centaurfold: March 9, 2007

Centaurfold

The Great Khali Bunyan

(70 minutes)

WSX is still great. So is the $1 million CGI Bling Ladder. RD wants 20 listeners by year's end from their 13.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:12): Inviga green energy tea makes RD think of vaginas. Blade: "You just can’t go wrong with molestation humor these days can you?"

Co-Host Contest Week 5: Mike Paulin cannot explain the airplane spin below the equator. (:19) Ray Gun does, however. (:23) Current Tally: 3 of 9.

Faxtrolla (:33): Kurrgan plays Uber Immortal in 300. Photos of JT Titty may be featured at Victoria's Secret stores. RD proposes NES Pro Wrestling: The Movie.

Mail Bag (:46): Arthur Williams has a wrestling question. TNA's arm wrestling match in a steel cage needs to be an induction. Sandman 3G does not know why he listens, but he does think the Great Collie would be great as Paul Bunyan. (:52)

Bad News Brown died. (:55)

WWE wants to set up regional feds around the world. (:57) RD would rather watch a promo by Linda McMahon than by Batista, who is growing more and more robotic thanks to his new girlfriend Robecca. (:61) The ECW New Breed sucks.

Instead of a haiku Blade sings a 'parody' about Ashley Massaro with bad MIDI music. (:66)

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Joanie to my Chachi, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, IMDB
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Things that pop up, penile references coming out, horrible
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 4. Happy Days, G.L.O.W., J. Geils Band (2)
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Krankor Laughs: 4
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 4
• Cricket Chirps: 3
  

 

• Mickie James References:  4
• Ashley Massaro References:  9
• Christy Hemme References:  2

 

• Mailbag
• Arthur Williams: I love the radio show, although it hasn't given me hundreds of hours of masturbatory joy. I actually have a wrestling question. Do you think the LAX-James Gang feud including Konnan and Bullet Bob Armstrong in an arm wrestling six sides of steel cage match deserves to be in Wrestlecrap? Yes.
  
• Sandman 3G: Hey Mr Deal and Mr Braxton, I love the site and listen to the Crap every week. It will be many a moon before I figure out why. I read recently that rapper Timbaland was going to perform at Wrestlemania. I think this man needs to come in as the Great Khali's manager. Every time Khali hits the Khali Chop, Timbaland would yell "TIMBER!" And his theme song would be a Timbaland song comparing Khali to Paul Bunyan. Do you think this could work? Not enough Paul Bunyan references in wrestling.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: N/A
  

053 Linda Love: February 23, 2007

"Worst promo Ever!"

Linda Love
(67 minutes)

Blade is sick and sounds like The Penguin, as played by Burgess Meredith. He promises to be professional. Then he coughs into the microphone.

RD and Misses RD ate Valentine's dinner at White Castle. (:04)

Co-Host Contest Week 3: Thomas DJ does not like Russians. (:11) Niko Blade (:19) misses an important rule: You must answer the question. (Although Blade does admire his balls.) Current Tally: 2 of 6.

RD's Return Trip to the Comp-U-Mart (:22): Salisbury Steak guy is gone. Instead a man smelled like KFC 'extra stenchy'. Blade and RD cut promos against Jared from Subway, nearly five years after South Park's episode entitled, "Jared Has AIDS." (:28)

Blade's Trip to the Cardiologist (:30): Blade was told to store 24 hours' worth of his urine. Blade's Alien Ham story is the most popular WrestleCrap Radio segment.

Obscure Wrestling News (:35): New Jack has opened a wrestling school. Brooke Hogan is moving to LA to become the "next Paris Hilton," says mother Linda Hogan. Blade has a strange attraction to her. (:37)

Horsetrolla: The tail lifts and out comes a coiled paper. (:40) Sad News: Mickie James is no longer WWE Women's Champion. Blade loves Robecca, currently Batista's girl.

Wrestling Dream Analysis (:46): Blade might bang Linda Hogan if he was listening to this segment's background music. Lions make the playoffs and a crippled Jackie Gayda gives Blade a shout-out.

Mail Bag (:53): Do people have sex while listening to the show? Lou for Brou wants RD's opinion on great heels. Benjamin Bergman 'totally' listened to the progrem last week. (:57) Ric Flair would die before he could even think of retiring. [Or perhaps become a zombie and still keep wrestling - Future PB]

Mike Awesome died.

Seventeen Syllables All Grown Up WrestleMania Haiki:
WrestleMania.
All Grown Up, huh? Michael Jack-
son would not approve.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Penguin to my Joker, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 1. GuaranteedPoonTang.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 8. Being hetero and love and all kinds of things, anal fumes, which, Summer’s Eve, dropping the f-bomb, train wreck (2), tran-wreck
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Burgess Meredith as The Penguin, The Gong Show
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• F-Bombs: 7. Blade
  

• Weird Al Laughs: 1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 8
  

• Mickie James References: 5
• Ashley Massaro References: 2
  

• Mailbag
• Lou for Brou: Hey RD, I've read you reference the Mr. McMahon character as one of the top two or three all time greatest heels. Who else would you say would be in the top three? Just curious and I think a lot of your loyal crappers would be interested in knowing your opinion. Ric Flair. Bob Backlund.
  
• Benjamin Bergman: Totally listened to your show for the first time last week. It rules. Do you think that Ric Flair will wrestle till he dies in the ring? Ric Flair is starting to look like a carcass these days.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Boba Foot reboot?
  WrestleMania.
  All Grown Up, huh? Michael Jack-
  son would not approve.

 

044 What If...Corporal Kirchner was still alive?: November 3, 2006

What If...Corporal Kirchner was still alive?
(80 minutes)

Sad News: Corporal Kirchner died, according to WWE dot com.

Weird World of Wrestling has returned. Tease Club. RD doesn't like strip clubs because he was made fun of at one. (:12) RD talks about males being undressed at strip clubs. Blade remembers when his girlfriend called him for some random pictures of a wrestler she found on his computer.

In December, Rewriting the Book will debut. Jed Shaffer is on the phone to talk about it. (:20)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:31): RD plopped some ice cream in someone's bag. Fun-sized bars are not fun. Blade looks like a hobo. RD was Magnum PI this Halloween, complete with glue-on mustache.

SERVED IN VIETNAM AT THE AGE OF -8

Obscure Wrestling News (:41): 30000 dumb people have bought Brooke Hogan's CD. Egomania is heritable. Among their releases (:47) WWE will release a Rey Mysterio Jr DVD called the Biggest Little Man. WWE will release a Wrestling's Greatest Families DVD. Vampiro will release a DVD about Vampiro.  [... in Canada.]

Mail Bag: Daisy Tweeter (WrestleCrap Listener #25) makes a Batista pun. (:53) Zack Gator wants Vickie Guerrero to appear in Playboy. (:55) RD explains James from Kentucky, who wants Vince's phone number. (:57)

RD's favorite wrestling show is now TNA. (:59) Vince Russo's Invitational Inverted Battle Royal: 15 men try to climb in, 7 men throw 5 out, and then a one on one match. The Boogeyman has returned.

Blade hit the bottle because Lita may leave WWE. (:67)

Corporal Kirchner calls "you horse's ass". He sounds an awful lot like John Thomas. (:70)

Corporal Kirchner's All American Haiku:
I'm Corporal Kirchner.
I'm fucking alive, not dead.
My career's dead. AAAHHHHH.

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Mike Von Erich to my Fritz Von Erich, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Madison Carter
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Websites hosted by Global Internet, awesome guys, you being the man, wetting yourselves in joy, insecure, that, Hulk Hogan’s money
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. E.T. The Extraterrestrial on the Atari 2600
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 2. Jed Shaffer, Corporal Kirchner

 

• F-Bombs: 4. Blade (3), Corporal Kirchner

 

• RD Time Outs: 1
• Krankor Laughs: 1

• Mailbag
• Daisy Tweeter: Hello RD and Blade, WrestleCrap Radio Listener #25 here. My question is: since Batista is known as the Animal, and is currently doinking Rebecca DiPietro, does that mean she is in Batistiality? No need to answer.
  
• Zack Gator: Should Vickie Guerrero be the next WWE Diva to do Playboy? Blade subscribes to Plump magazine.
  
• James from Kentucky: Do you have Vince McMahon's home number? Because I keep phoning his office and he doesn't return my calls. P.S. could you say hi to my friend Alex in Puerto Rico? Hello Alex.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Corporal Kirchner's All American Haiku: Corporal Kirchner fills in after murdering Sergeant Haiku Blade.
  I'm Corporal Kirchner.
  I'm fucking alive, not dead.
  My career's dead. AAAHHHHH.
  

034 Diva Debacle: July 14, 2006

Krankor hits the Bottle with JT Titty
(63 minutes)

RD's Trip to the Grocery: Wal-Mart has restaurant gift cards. (:09)
Blade's Trip to the Grocery: "pasta in sauce with beef and chicken hot dogs with beef."

Faxtrolla semi-exclusive news (:14): boo-rah. The Miz wants Johnny Fairplay to come to ECW. DDP is taking his Yoga for Regular Guys on tour.

Mail Bag: Smash Bradley asks how to actually implement Siamese twin wrestlers. (:23) Krankor's laugh is used in response. Extreme K of Fort Mike Knox thinks of putting The Great Collie in a dog outfit and placing him in dog shows. (:27) Sausagesandwich is one of their 'many fans, of whom I know none', who has a thing for punching the Miz. (:30)

SmackDown is looking retro, with Tatanka and caskets and midgets and kings. (:34) A Punjabi Prison match was announced and Michael Cole said it would be in the jungle. (:36) Candice Michelle was sent to ECW to teach Kelly Kelly how to strip. (:39) Big Show's hands are now cannonballs and his head is a bowling ball. CM Punk doesn't like drinking, so Blade hit the bottle. (:44)

ECW IS STRIPPING

Miz's hosting of the Diva Search segment was pure wrestlecrap. (:48)  Hopeful Layla said she wanted to be the Deever, so she will now be called that. Another candidate (Maryse) used her impenetrable Quebec accent to be an 'air-flying diva', another (Robecca) tried to pepper spray the ring, and another (Molina) looks too much like Ashley Massaro.

Miz called one contestant JT Titty.

The Haiku:
Moronic Divas.
How will this class top last year's?
Leave it to Deever.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Jack to my Daniels, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 11. Last week, last week’s show, The Miz, mounting Chloe and doing her doggystyle, bags, reaching down into my bag, my bag, sodomy overtones, the elderly, transvestite, chesticles
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Nancy Reagan
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Nancy Reagan
  

 

• Debut: Krankor Laughs: 9
  

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  4

 

• Mailbag
• Smash Bradley: Hello dear lords of Crapsalot. I've pondered this question and got several answers. If there were a set of Siamese twins (explain what a Siamese twin is: one set of legs, two torsos), would they be considered a single wrestler or a tag team? And if you pick a tag team, how would the tags work? Be careful if you read this, because John Laurenitis might go on the hunt. Krankor: HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.
  
• Extreme K: I am writing to you from Fort Mike Knox where the nation's supply of Art Donovan approved bathroom scales are stored. I think it would be an awesome idea if you put the dog exterior from the Shaggin' Wagon on the Great Khali and renamed him the Great Collie, and then you could proceed to enter him in the Westminster Dog Show. My question to both of you: would Daivari's bitch win, and do you think the Dog Show would once again preempt Raw just for the sake of giving Smackdown a quick upper hand in the brand extension, in terms of rating and publicity? Blade: Mounting Chloe, Torrie Wilson's dog.
  
• Sausagesandwich: I live in England and have to say that I am one of your many, many fans, of whom I know none. Your radio show never ceases to amuse and offend me. I have two questions, both are well urgent. Number one: if you had the choice, would you punch Miz in the face one time as hard as you could, or ten times at medium force? Personally I would punch him just once, then kick him in the balls, but to each his own. Number two: If you were to be in WWE, and were allowed to choose your own gimmick on the grounds that it made Wrestlecrap, what would it be? Myself, I like the idea of the One Headed Man. Blade: Slap my Miz around twenty times. No sold.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Repeat Gooker alert!
  Moronic Divas.
  How will this class top last year's?
  Leave it to Deever.