Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku Page

Here's every Haiku,
Includes karaoke songs,
Does not come with crown.
(Haiku by R.V.M Kai)


  •  The Haikus on this page are by Blade Braxton, where at the conclusion of every episode of Wrestlecrap Radio, he would condense all the weekly wrestling news into "17 Syllables".
  • All Haikus up to Show #162 were transcribed by Erik Majorwitz as a tribute to the late WCR
    Statistician; Paul Servo (as found from here).
  • Haikus from Show #163 onwards were transcribed by Premier Blah (and complied on this page by R.V.M Kai), & can also be seen in wrestlecrapradio.com's episode archives (and also here).
  • Song lyrics from Shows: #103, #168, #181 & #200+ were transcribed by R.V.M Kai (as best as he could while trying to understand what Blade was singing).




2013-2016

#264 (December 23, 2016) Blade's Xmas gift to RD was delayed so RD gives this Haiku as punishment:

Blade sent no present.
You know what? That is OK.
No fun with Tammy.

#263 (October 27, 2016 )HorseTrolla Halloween Havoc Haiku:

RD is now dead.
I did not know he was sick.
Headless HorseTrolla.

#262 (October 21, 2016) Eleventh Anniversary Haiku:

Eleven long years.
It all began with a dream.
It ended at Maude.

#261 (August 6, 2016) Braun Strowman's new gimmick: The fighter of jobbers - sorry..."local competitors"

James Ellsworth on Raw.
A "local competitor".
Jobber of the year.


#260 (June 3, 2016) Blade sings a karaoke song about TNA's Matt vs Jeff Hardy feud to the tune of "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" by The Hollies.

His hair is long,
Smokes many drugs that burn,
We wrestle for who knows where,
On who knows where.

But he's strong,
Strong enough to catch babies,
He ain't Jeffrey, he's by Brother...Nero,

And on slow mo,
Through tables we overturn,
Blast Bottles upside his head,
TNA is dead.

It's gonna blow,
We'll meet at Slammiversary,
Yeah, he ain't Jeffrey, he's my Brother...Nero.


#257 (December 28, 2015) Haiku on "Star Wars: The Force Awakens"

Han Solo is dead.
What did this make me feel like?
Lumpy in my throat.


#256 (November 28, 2015) Eva Marie gets a job offer from Brazzers.

Eva Marie porn.
Brazzers made her an offer.
Hope she'll be ball gagged.


#255 (October 30, 2015) No blood allowed at WWE Hell In A Cell.

Vince doesn't like blood.
Will the next pay per view be
sponsored by Tampax?


#254 (October 10, 2015) WWE MSG Show.

The MSG Show.
Yawn. It was more like War to
Not Settle the Bore.


#253 (September 20, 2015) Sting/John Cena Tag-Team.

Sting and John Cena.
Brand new tag team? Dudes with Att-
-itude Adjustments.


#252 (September 10, 2015) Sting vs. Rollins at WWE Summerslam 2015.

Sting vs. Rollins.
Will Sting's match beat oh and six-
teen Lions' record?


#251 (August 30, 2015) Greg "The Hammer" Valentine hates The "Divas Revolution".

Hammer hates women.
What could help? Bellas using
The Hammer Jammer.


#250 (August 21, 2015) Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar rematch at WWE Summerslam 2015.

Taker vs. Brock.
Summerslam's big main event.
Will Mark's Depends leak?


The RD & Blade Show (or is it "Radio"?) : Episode 34 (January 15, 2015)

Demolition Axe.
Demolition Axe and Smash
Better be on Raw.


The RD & Blade Show: Episode 32 (November 26, 2014)

Nine Years of Podcasts.
I still cant believe one thing:
Joyce Dewitt still lives.


#210 (Reunion) (July 6, 2013) Blade gives his "One Night Only" haiku on WCR.

Days of the Dead show.
W-C-R back one more time.
I thought it was sick.



2012 Shows

#209 (final) (July 7, 2012) Blade gives his final haiku on WCR.

The end of the show.
After seven years, we're done.
Now let's take a bow.



#208 (April 20, 2012) Blade's haiku about a 'No Holds Barred' on DVD.

No Holds Barred on disc.
Twenty jock-ass years later:
Dookie in high def.


#207 (April 1, 2012)

No Haiku. Blade was pissed off about the 'Kid Rock' Concert, that played outside Deal's house all episode long, & the show ended abruptly.


#206 (March 9, 2012) Blade's haiku about Hulk Hogan's sex tape.

Hulk sex-tape on way.
Something I don't want to see:
One eye of Hulkster.


#205 (February 17, 2012) Blade's haiku about a flatuating Nattie Neidhart.

Farting Natalya.
Do you smell what she's cooking?
Neidhart asshole juice.





2011 Shows


#204 (December 16, 2011) Blade gives a Christmas haiku.

The year is over.
Our Christmas gift to the Twelve:
Lots more shows next year.


#203 (December 2, 2011) Blade's haiku about Sin Cara's penis T-Shirt.

Penis on T-shirt,
Greatest Christmas gift ever,
Too bad it got yanked.


#202 (November 11, 2011) No Haiku. Blade sings "Goodbye Maryse" becuase she had just been "future endeavoured".

(To the Tune of "Creep" by Radiohead)

In The Diva Search,
Couldn’t understand your words,
You sounded like Frenchy,
With a mouthful of curds,

You shook like vanity,
With big titties,
RD says you’re greazy,
You’re so fucking greazy.

Goodbye Maryse,
Blonde Diva.

What the hell will she do?
I bet she’d get nude (x2)


#201 (October 28, 2011) No Haiku. Blade sings 'Idiots in Cars' for Halloween.

(To the tune of "Girls In Cars" by Robbie Dupree)

They’re drivin’ down the road haulin’ ass on Halloween,
You’re gonna to get hit if you ain’t wearin’ neon green.

Idiots in Cars! (x4)

You say please and thank you gettin’ candy at the door,
Then you get mauled by a Chevy doin’ a hundred & four.

Ew, Idiots in Cars!
Those Idiots in Cars!
Hm, Idiots in Cars!
Oh, Idiots in Cars!

But your drunk kids on Halloween,
Will feel at an Accident scene,
If you don’t listen to Rowdy Roddy.

Idiots in Cars! (x2)
Oh Idiots in Cars!
Idiots in Cars! (x2)



#200 (October 21, 2011) No Haiku. Blade sings "Show 200" to the tune of "God of Thunder" by Kiss.

(Stubby) Okay, let's _____
(Stubby) Suck it, I don't want to do that!
(Stubby) It's too _____

You've got a bag of Doritos,
You've got some Boo Berry,
12 listeners they're shut-ins,
Worship the ass of Mickie.

I was raised on Olympia,
Used to drink there with Don,
He said beware of the semen,
It came bubbling back on.

(Chorus)
Show Two Hundred,
Sixth anniversary show,
Mama won't like it,
When stubby sucked dick for some blow

(Stubby) Oh, get it out of my mouth!

I like to shit in trash bags,
Wear a creature masked with gills,
Making this six fucking hours long,
Just to piss off The Deal, on the….

(Repeat Chorus)

(Stubby) Hey watch where you're putting that thing!
(Stubby) No! No! You're only supposed to put a hand there!
(Stubby) Oh man you jizzed right in my eye!
(Mama) Damn, Damn, DAMN!! Whohoo!

I like to shit in trash bags,
Wear a creature masked with gills,
Making this six fucking hours long,
Just to piss off The Deal, on….

(Repeat Chorus)



#199 (August 5, 2011) Blade channels Lionel Ritchie.

There's one champion,
two champions, three times
Triple H bullshit.


#198 (July 22, 2011) Blade is hungry for Charlie.

Vince in salmon suit.
Goodbye to wrestling, hello
Chicken of the Sea.


#197 (July 1, 2011) R.D. fills in on the haiku this week about the 9th Wonder of the World.

Chick-a-dee Chyna.
Wanna get that vagina
and freak like Steina'.


#196 (May 20, 2011) Blade dishes on Kurt's new gal pal.

Chyna the mistress.
Sorry, I'd rather bang Ar-
nold's fat ugly one.


#195 (April 29, 2011) Chief Jay Strongbow is drafted to deliver the Haiku.

How. How. How. How. How.
How. How. How. How. How. How. How.
How. How. How. How. How.


#194 (April 1, 2011) No Haiku.
April Fools: WCR Replaced with Mike Check’s "The Bob & Weave Morning Drive" show.


#193 (February 11, 2011)

Chief Jay, Honky, Stu,
Gay Popeye too: this show sucks.
Why do you listen?


#192 (January 28, 2011)

TNA Gooker.
Biggest award they have won.
Dixie must be proud.


#191 (January 21, 2011)

Forty Man Rumble.
Wrestling bores me so much now
I'll need a Forty.


#190 (January 14, 2011)

Adamle's a lush.
He needs a new role model:
Mister Blade Braxton.


2005 | 2006 | 2007 | 2008 | 2009 | 2010 | 2011 | 2012+


2010 Shows


#189 (December 21, 2010) No Haiku. Song: The Twelve Days Of Christmas

On the First Day Of Christmas C.S. Irwin gave to me...
A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Second Day Of Christmas Angry Jim gave to me...
2 Fuck Yourselves (One for Johnny Ace and one for McMahon)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Third Day Of Christmas Gay Popeye gives to me...
3 Well Blow Me...Downs! Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk.
2 Fuck Yourselves (One for RD and one for Blade)
And A Partridge in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Fourth Day Of Christmas Satan gave to me...
4 Virgin Sacrifices
3 Well Blow Me...Downs! Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk
2 Bottles of lube (his wife hasn't fucked him in about two years)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Fifth Day Of Christmas Sir Alec gave to me...
5 Long John Douches
4 Possessed Wrestlers
3 Chocolate Turnovers
2 Years...of your wife not fucking you
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Sixth Day Of Christmas Dixie gave to me...
6 Sugar Cookies (to make a Samoa Joe snowman)
5 Long John Douches (right underneath the table)
4 Possessed Facebook Profiles
3 Big and Burly's
2 Bankrupt Restaurants
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Seventh Day Of Christmas Stubby gave to me...
7 Sleazy Crack Whores
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches (Gotta love that malt vinegar)
4 Daemonic Twitters
3 Chocolate Turnovers
2 Nuts in Dark Journey's Mouth
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Eighth Day Of Christmas Nintendo John gave to me...
8 Power Gloves on the Nintendo (His audience cheers)
7 Contaminated Meals
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Evil MySpaces
3 Requests For Peter Gazer's Phone Number
2 Fuck Yourselves
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Ninth Day Of Christmas Mike Check he's going to give to you...
9 Bumper Stickers (from WSUX in Tuscaloosa, Alabama where he was Danny Dryson, and with Washington Jones did the Wash'N'Dry for the Tide.)

RD: "I like it the song has come to a complete stop while he keeps talking."

8 Super Mario Games on the Nintendo
7 Sloppy Blow-Jobs
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Failed Exorcisms
3 Periscopes
2 Assholes Shoved Up (Jim!)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Tenth Day Of Christmas Midnight Rose gave to me...
10 Dead Cockroaches
9 Bumper Stickers
8 Amazon Chops
7 Premature Ejaculations
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Possessions Of Sunny
3 Dock Dinghies
2 Meat Beatings
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Eleventh Day Of Christmas B.M. Punk gave to me...

Unfortunately RD interrupts him before he can say what exactly he wants to gift, the Scrooge!

On The Eleventh Day Of Christmas R.D. Reynolds gave to me...
11 SPEAKING OFs...Verne Gagne Masturbating
10 Copies of Maria's New Album
9 Bumper Stickers
8 Pro-Am On The Nintendo!
7 Bottles Of Wood Polish
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Bowls Of Pea Soup Vomit
3 Nights With Pluto
2 Feathered Boas
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Twelth Day Of Christmas Blade Braxton gave to me...
12 Cans Of Miller Lite (and maybe 10 JPEGs of Mickie James naked too)
11 SPEAKING OFs
10 Scars From Eating Some Holiday Pineapple All Night Long
9 Bumper Stickers

Blade: "You're making this song feel like The 500 Days Of Christmas, buddy."

8 Back Issues Of Nintendo Power Magazine
7 Oozing STDs
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Linda Blair Nude Photos
3 Not Just Spinach that Gay Popeye likes in the can, Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk.
2 Packs Of Beef Jerky from JR's Restaurant (and not from that cocksucker Hillbilly Jim)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)


#188 (December 3, 2010)

Mexican Cena.
What is his Spanish catchphrase?
"You can't si me?"


#187 (November 24, 2010)

Top 50 Wrestlers.
What a total load of shit.
Where are Ax and Smash?/Where is Adonis?


#186 (November 5, 2010)

Hulk's exposed penis.
He got 'Juicy' with Brooke and Hart.
Limp five inch python.


#185 (October 20, 2010)

Wrestling shirts at polls.
Why Vince sued Connecticut.
Linda still won't win.


#184 (October 8, 2010)

Cena in Nexus.
Wow. Golly. Jeepers. Oh boy.
Raw still sucks a dick.

#183 (September 10, 2010)

Six Nine Amazon.
Wonder what sex with her's like:
Dry humping oak tree?


#182 (August 27, 2010)

Albert Del Rio.
Translated literally:
Albert of river.


#181 (August 13, 2010) No Haiku.
Blade sings a song to celebrate WCR’s 5th anniversary:

Another Thursday night, new radio show.
I’m ever drunk or I just did some blow.
It’s time to talk about Mickie’s behind.
Or who RD saw in Kohl's checkout line.

Thank you all for crappin, What a waste of time.
I can’t believe WCR is five.

Don uses more corn oil than any man alive.
Angry Jim will not eat his wife’s pie.
Trashbagging your shit really is vile.
Bedding man said "bitch I’m in line" with a smile.

Thank you all for crappin, What a waste of time.
I can’t believe WCR is five. (repeat x 2)


#180 (August 6, 2010)

So Shawn went hunting.
He should have done that years ago.
Could have found his smile.


#179 (July 16, 2010)

TNA's new plan.
More shit we didn't need back:
ECW.


#178 (June 25, 2010)

Maryse malfunction.
I am certain that we all
saw her meat curtain.


#177 (June 17, 2010)

Bryan Danielson.
Work or shoot, they ask again?
Shoot, he needs work now.


#176 (May 28, 2010)

Batista is gone.
Who will fuck the Divas now?
Their division will.


#175 (April 30, 2010)

Flipping Batista.
Didn't get to see it live.
I flipped the channel.


#174 (April 30, 2010) The crickets are drafted to say Seventeen Syllables:

Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.


#173 (April 25, 2010) No haiku, but a song "So Hard to Say Goodbye to Mickie James":

How do I say goodbye
to Mickie James
The mini-skirts that centaur ass
I feel so sad

Now she is just a country singer
But Nashville is so far away
It's so hard to say goodbye
to Mickie James

I don't know why McMahon
let you go
All I know is your the reason
I watched bad f(((( shows
If you go to TNA
I hope you kiss Madison Rayne
It's so hard to say goodbye
To Mickie James

And I'll take with me the fantasies
Of you and Trish being gay
It's so hard to say goodbye
to Mickie James

And I'll take with me the fantasies
Of you and Trish being gay
It's so hard to say goodbye
to Mickie James


#172 (April 16, 2010)

Smackdown to SyFy.
Our first episode request?
Bring back the Zombie.


#171 (April 2, 2010) No Haiku.
April Fools: "Wrestle-Mat Radio" hosted by Damien Demento.


#170 (March 26, 2010)

Wrestlemania
I honestly don't give a
flying mother fuck


#169 (March 12, 2010)

New Monday Night War.
Same old Nature Boy Ric Flair.
Bloody Mount Rushmore.


#168 (March 5, 2010) No Haiku.
RD & Blade perform Wrestlicious raps.

Blade Braxton’s Wrestlicious Rap:

I’m the Slasher, the Slicer, the Ripper, the Shredder. I wanna piece of Mickie, I’m a mouth, she’s my cheddar. She’s got a Centaur ass my eyes can’t believe. I hope she smells fresh like summer’s eve. Cause this tongue don’t fellate chicks that smells like fishes. My name is Blade Braxton & I’m Wrestlicious.

RD Reynolds’ Wrestlicious Rap:

RD Reynolds is my name, I created the pro-wrestling Hall of Shame. My favourite apples, they’re Red Delicious. Because RD Reynolds is Wrestlicious. Wrestlicious Baby! Yeah!


#167 (February 19, 2010) No Haiku.
Vince Russo Returns


#166 (January 29, 2010)

Ten years of Orton.
Fuck. Please wake me up in the
year twenty-twenty.


#165 (January 15, 2010)

Hornswoggle is great.
He's a champion on screen.
He's nude in my mind.


#164 (January 8, 2010)

Hulk's back in wrestling.
Dixie's new tagline? T-N-
A: We Are Limping.




2009 Shows


#163 (12/20/09)- No Haiku. Instead Jim 'sings' to the Barking Jingle Bells.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck yourselves.
Shove it up your fucking ass.
Oh what fun it is to be pissed
When you don't do midnight mass!"

"Jim!!!"


#162 (12/4/09)- WWE tries another foray into comic books, Blade doesn't like it.

WWE Comics.
Those aren't comics, they're ex-
pensive toilet paper.


#161 (11/13/09)- Blade is still a fan of the Mooneys.

New RAW Announcer?
Mooney is back from the dead.
Don't forget Ian.


#160 (10/30/09)- Demento vs Wrestlecrap Feud continues.

Demento's pissed off.
He's challenged me and RD.
Don't bring it, sing it!


#159 (10/2/09)- BM Punk has issues with The Rock.

Advice for the Rock:
Jabroni, don't pinch off
more than you can flush.


#158 (9/25/09)- Vince continues to be stuck in the past.

Dennis Miller Raw.
Obviously Vince never watched
Monday Night Football.


#157 (9/18/09)- Blade has a new girl.

(to the tune of "Brown Eyed Girl")

Hey where did Trish go?
Divas today are lame.
She had an ass like whoa,
She kissed Mickie James

Stripping and teasing Bubba Ray
In this very ring,
You made my dick swing
My brown haired Trish.
You're my brown haired Trish.

Whatever happened
To Monday so Raw?
C'mon down with T&A
Firmest breasts I'd ever saw,
Teased but never showed it all
Women, I'd eat you like a popcorn doll.

You're my brown haired Trish

Do you remember when I used to drink,
Trish Trish Trish Trish Trish Trish
Oh Trish Trish
I love you Trish


#156 (9/4/09)- Tugboat cries gimmick infringement.

Shockmaster returns.
How will Fred Otman respond?
Tugboat in a dress.


#155 (8/28/09)- Vince has a gay old time for his birthday.

Vince McMahon's birthday.
Gay masks huh? More like one great
big gay half hour.


#154 (8/21/09)- Linda McMahon wants your vote.

Linda for Senate.
Only one thing we can do:
Move to Mexico


#153 (8/14/09)- What a song!

(to the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire")

12 Listeners, fine young egg, Glen "Campbell" Kane
Hit the bottle, BM Punk, Rebecca DiPietro
Mickie James: Centaurlicious, Brother Midnight: No-pants business
Tee Hee Tickle Party, The Tranny's a ho

Nicole Bass, Hobo, "Rockin' Chair," Bistro
Tajiri's wife can't drive, Precious Paul's frozen eye
Lions-Colts, "You're hurtin' me, Randy," Crochet Queen
Prostitute roommate is lactating for money

Didn't know he was sick
Knotts is not alive
We killed another guy
Didn't know he was sick
No, we're not delighted
That he had to bite it

JT Titty, "Tarzan Boy," Mountain Dew Doritos
Johnny Six, Randy West, JR hates Gorbachev
Boo Berry, Good Friends, Ricky needs help again
"ZZTopwinsTerrisHouse, I bet that's not taken"

Ric Flair with a bear, Kelly Kelly somersaults
John Thomas selling Grit, Greg at Global Internet
Bill Cosby, Joyce DeWitt, bring back WSX
Blade as the Penguin, Demento is a douchebag

Didn't know he was sick
McMahon is not alive
We killed another guy
Didn't know he was sick
No, we're not delighted
That he had to bite it

Loverboy, He-Man's log, Unibomber-style shack
Corn oil, Miller Lite, Big Nippled Vampire
Midnight Rose, Sir Alec, Ghetto Skeletor
Lift the tail, Triple Kell, watch out for the Clumsy Girl

Lord Littlebrook's legs don't work, Jack and the Curly Q's
Granny panties, Strongbow, Gorgeous George nude show
Gazer, Stubby, Chili Twistaroni
Bridget Midget, Scaleface, no sex on Mimi's first date

Didn't know he was sick
Cronkite is not alive
We killed another guy
Didn't know he was sick
No, we're not delighted
That he had to bite it

Lena Yoda, Gay Popeye, That Trolla Tattoo Guy
Betsy Russell, Nipsy Russell, Verne Gagne masturbating
Great Khali's giant tooth, Val Venis sold his pooch
Roddy Piper's neighborhood, Deever's curly hair is good

Vince has a turkey neck, who killed Mike Check
Jillian's mole, Michelle McCool likes to roll

Didn't know he was sick
Harvey is not alive
We killed another guy
Didn't know he was sick
No, we're not delighted
That he had to bite it

White Castle, Trash Losagain, Trish's meat curtain
Dunk tank, Virgil's cock, Dusty's book, funk sock
Candice glow stick, banging Katie Vick from behind
RD scrammed, Alien Ham, Mama - "Damn, damn, damn"

Star-O-Saurus made kids cry, Anonymous Brooke's backside
Jazz Blade, cheap headset, RD loves Kurt's moveset
Lita wants Blade's bone, met at a car show
"Please and thank ya," "Mrs.Deal, get Dave Meltzer on the phone"

Didn't know he was sick
Carson is not alive
We lost another guy
Didn't know he was sick
Johnny's gone and on and on and on...


#152 (7/31/09)- Hunter is 40.

Hunter is forty.
Eat some cake and play in the
tail on the dead dog


#151 (7/24/09)- Ugly love triangle in TNA.

Jeff's banging Karen.
Why oh why did she leave Kurt?
Must be Jeff's gold tooth.


#150 (7/17/09)- 150 Shows...12 listeners, 1 Centaur ass.

Hundred fifty shows.
Thousand fifty references to
Mickie James' ass


#149 (6/26/09)- Blade is sad about Candice's release.

Candice got released.
This week at Trolla's website:
Clocktrollas half off.


#148 (6/12/09)- Blade sings yet again, about Arby's?

Teardrops on my Centaur (to the tune of "Teardrops on my Guitar" by Taylor Swift)

I went to Arby's
I ordered a beef and cheese
What I want and I need
Is the real life Mickie

Her ass is not

The nude pics I see
Make me feel so funny
I wish that she

She says that she was young
did them for the cash
I w beefy

Mickie got a big ass like a centaur
Like a vegan at a salad
Leather pants my dick's in a chance
Mickie I love you

I went to Arby's I ordered a beef and cheese


#147 (5/29/09)- Basketball vs Wrestling?

Jazz. Thunder. Magic
That dogshit show RAW
Had none of the above.


#146 (5/22/09)- Blade dishes on Vickie's nutritional intake.

Vickies got the sash
She's Miss Wrestlemania
She doesn't miss meals


#145 (5/15/09)- Blade on Judgement Day.

Judgement Day Sunday
My mind's already made up
Not buying the show


#144 (5/8/09)- 5 Dollar Footlongs?

Jared and Miss James
Fuck Subway
Mickie still has me thinking Arby's


#143 (4/24/09)- Draft Edition Haiku by Lord Alfred!

Promotional Consideration
Paid For
By the following


#142 (4/10/09)- Blade rants about the Diva Battle Royale.

Skank Battle Royal
You can't tell the boobs apart
Without a scorecard.


#141 (4/1/09)- Koko Radio!!!

Hall of Fame Koko
Please don't rent a tux
Wear the High Energy pants


#140 (3/27/09)- Blade reviews 12 Rounds.

12 Rounds on Friday
I'll need 12 rounds of Starbucks
To watch that thingie.


#139 (3/20/09)- Diva Battle Royal, R.D. interrupts.

A Diva Royale
You know it won't be complete
We need Hervina!


#138 (3/6/09)- No Haiku (Song)

Blade's Tribute to the Boogeyman (to the tune of Candle in the Wind" by Elton John)

Goodbye Boogeyman
Though we never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
while worms around you crawled
You would bring all those clocks to Ringside
I'll bet you were never late
Well until you smashed the clock right upside your face

It seems to like to dine on a mole on Jillian's chin
Always Scaring tiny midgets and Palmer Canon
I'd would have liked you to know you, but I was just a mark
Can't believe you are really gone
You broke my plastic heart.


#137 (2/27/09)- Blade throws down the gauntlet to Damien Demento.

So very scary
He's Damien Demento
Live From a Closet


#136 (2/20/09)- Blade goes on a Dark Journey in this week's haiku.

It is nightmare fuel
I hope I don't dream about
JR's Dark Journey!


#135 (2/6/09)- AC/DC is out, ZZ Top is in?

No AC/DC
Time for some cheap sunglasses
Time for ZZ Top


#134 (1/30/09)- AC/DC beats out ZZ Top for Wrestlemania gig?

Oooh! AC/DC.
Guess Vince lost Angus Young now.
Poor Billy Gibbons.


#133 (1/23/09)- Blade pleads Randy to kick more people in a haiku.

Randy kicked Vince's head
But hey, why should he stop there?
Please punt Stephanie.


#132 (1/16/09)- Darkest WCR ever ends with a Blade haiku on death in Kentucky.

Dark day in Mudlick.
Cousin Junior is now gone.
Tears in my moonshine.


#131 (1/9/09)- Blade talks about Vickie Guerrero's feminine hygiene habits, or lack thereof.

Vickie's birthday suit.
We got to see her black box.
Time for Summer's Eve.




2008 Shows


WCR #130 (12/19/08)- Blade honors the timely demise of N.E.R.D. this Christmas.

Nathaniel is dead
Blasted by Trolla product
Greatest gift of all.


WCR #129 (12/12/08)- Blade said knock you out.

JBL knocked out
Guess Momma Juwanna doesn't
help a glass jaw


WCR #128 (12/5/08)- Blade is solutions orientated about HBK's financial woes.

Broke ass HBK
No cash? Guess its time For Whisper
to start whoring.


WCR #127 (11/21/08)- Blade gives thanks for the haiku and Chief Jay Strongbow.

He's Chief Jay Strongbow
It's not why he was on RAW
Its just one word: How!


WCR #126 (11/14/08)-Blade honors another Diva release.

Leena Yoda
Business not strong in this one
Mmm, fired you are!

WCR #125 (11/7/08)- Blade's haiku is see habla espanol.

Horse faced Lillian
Caballa Trolla
That's Spanish for Horse Trolla.


WCR #124 (10/24/08)- Blade talks about Hogan's Celebrity Wrestling.

Tiffany got cut
What could have been beautiful?
More granny panties!


WCR #123 (10/17/08)- JR writes a BK haiku about Trish Stratus.

Trish don't like my meat
Neither does my fucking wife
Fuck all them bitches!


WCR #122 (10/10/08)- More naked Divas in Playboy?

Kelly Kelly nude
What's next? Anonymous Brooke
spreads in Beaver Hunt.


WCR #121 (10/3/08)- Blade is worried about his 17 syllables being stolen by WWE.

They ripped off Trolla
What will Nipple steal next?
Oh fuck, the haiku!


WCR #120 (9/26/08)- Blade conducts a "semi-aging" haiku.

Ladder Match '08
Shawn is at the age where old
men fall off ladders.


WCR #119 (9/19/08)- A sober Blade talks about a drunk Jeff Hardy grounded by the FAA.

Jeff excretory matterfaced on plane
excretory matterfaced seriously
And don't call me Shirley!


WCR #118 (9/12/08)- Lord Alfred comes back to promote stuff?

Dub Dub E's fresh blood
Primo cologne
Hard for a woman to resist.


WCR #117 (8/29/08)- Blade honors Mick Foley's historic move to TNA.

Mick's in TNA
Wow, golly his debut ratings
still 1.0.


WCR #116 (8/22/08)- Blade loves a Whisper quiet feature.

Whisper's big fat lip
She's had fat lip's ever since
she had Shawn's love spawn.


WCR #115 (8/15/08)- The traditional Summerslam haiku dedicated to the WrestleCrap Faithful.

We've made it three years
The age kids get potty trained
We'll still piss our pants.


WCR Lost Episode (8/15/08)- The debut haiku, but in the middle of the show.

Shawn Michaels Hulkster
Summerslam's Big Main Event
Will Hulk's Depends leak?


WCR #114 (8/8/08)- No Haiku
Blade Braxton Musical Tribute


WCR #113 (8/1/08)- Blade does a heel turn.

GM Adamle
What on Earth could be better?
GM Paul Christy!


WCR #112 (7/18/08)- Roadkill #2? (crickets)

Cena hit by car
New tag team next week
Cena and Danny Doring.


WCR #111 (7/11/08)- $10 a syllable by Josh about ECW

ECW
Always Shocking Moment
Heel Saba Simba.


WCR #110 (6/27/08)- An upset Smackdown bound J.R. is fearful for his cornhole.

Well, I got drafted
Good ole JR's on Smackdown
Hope I don't get raped!


WCR #109 (6/20/08)- Blind leading the blind.

Any eye for an eye
Kane vs Show
With Sandy Duncan as the ref.


WCR #108 (6/13/08)- Prepare to be Blade (Rick) rolled?

Rick Astley on RAW
Never gonna give you up
Ratings going down!


WCR #107 (6/6/08)- Is it 1988?

Vince's Mega Bucks
We've seen DiBiase
Where the fuck is Andre?


WCR #106 (5/30/08)- No Haiku
Interview with Seth Mates


WCR #105 (5/23/08)- Vince McMahon is one of the 12 listeners?

CW Post
Further proof that Vince
is one of twelve listeners.


WCR #104 (5/16/08)- Blade finds out Mickey has gone astray.

Mickie and Cena
John better keep his hands off
or die a slow death.


WCR #103 (5/9/08)- No Haiku (Song)

$10,000 Bucks
(to the tune of "500 Miles" by The Proclaimers)

When I pay for sex,
Well I know I’m gonna be,
I’m gonna be the man who pays for sex for you.

When I'm broke,
Well I know I’m gonna be,
I’m gonna be the man who’s broke because of you

If I get arrested,
Well I know I’m gonna be,
I’m gonna be the man who’s arrested next to you.

And If I get crabs,
Well I know I’m gonna be,
I’m gonna be the man with crabs because of you.


(Chorus)
But I would spend 10,000 bucks,
And I would spend 10,000 more,
Just to be the man who’s spent 20,00 bucks to fuck a tranny whore.

When I’m spunking,
Well I know I’m gonna be,
I’m gonna be the man who’s spunking on you.

And when Vince fires you,
For the whoring work you do,
I guess I’ll keep spunking on you.

(Repeat Chorus)

La La La La
La La La La
La La La La
La La La La
La La La La La La La La La La


WCR #102 (5/2/08)- Mike Adamle inspires Blade?

Adamle walked out
You know what?
That's a wonderful fucking idea.


WCR #101 (4/25/08)- Do you smell?

Barack is cookin'
Cooking a segment more rank
than Hilary's crotch.


WCR #100 (4/11/08)- 100 WrestleCrap Radio Shows!

Barack versus Clinton
And soon their mixed tag partners
Donald and Rosie.


WCR #99 (4/4/08)- Eight years...of Wrestlecrap. Burn?

Next year's Mania
One very simple request
Please no more pyro.


WCR #98 (3/28/08)- Blade honors Ric Flair's last match.

Wrestlemania
No smartass haiku this week
Thank you Nature Boy.


WCR #97 (3/14/08) -Follow Blade's advice or else!

Hardy and Ashley
The correct phrase is just say no
Not just say blow.


WCR #96 (3/7/08) Mayweather in April?

Money Mayweather
His boxing skills are cashed
Promo skills are on welfare!


WCR #95 (3/1/08)- Blade likes a high class Playboy shoot.

Maria's Playboy
How could it be high fashioned?
Bow tie on her bush.


WCR #94 (2/22/08)- Hornswoggle's hurt and Blade is happy.

Hornswoggle's beat up
Bradshaw stole our idea
Carnival midget toss!


WCR #93 (2/8/08)- Glass Joe? Oh no! Raw is still crappy.

Leprechaun bites ass
At the end of the rainbow
Vince's brown horseshoe.


WCR #92 (2/1/08)- Cena's Back!

Cena's title shot
you can't see me
ordering No Way Out next month.


WCR #91 (1/18/08)- WWE in HD? Shudder at the thought.

Bye, bye Titantron
Hutner how could you do this?
Snitsky in Hi-Def!


WCR #90 (1/11/08)- Blade apparently loves his UWF episodes.

UWF's back
That's not just souper
That's super fucking dooper!


WCR #89 (1/4/08)- Blade is glad someone wasn't nominated.

It is Gooker time.
Lots of shitty nominees.
No Dubya S X




2007 Shows


WCR #88 (12/21/07)- Eww, Blade...

WrestleCrap Christmas
What would make the yuletide gay?
Michael Cole in stockings.


WCR #87 (12/14/07)- Decking the (Jillian) Halls?

Jillian's Jingle
I have nothing bad to say
I would ring her bells.


WCR #86 (12/7/07)- Blade thinks RAW jumped the shark this week.

15 years of RAW
At this rate I'd say
Six years too many.


WCR #85 (11/30/07)- Blade ponders the newest Supercouple.

Smackdown's new couple
I wonder if Vicky got
speared on the first date?


WCR #84 (11/16/07)- Save yourselves!

Save us 222
What is Chris Gonna Do?
Murder all creative?


WCR #83 (11/9/07)- Party like it is 1999?

2007
Last I checked that was the year
Somebody tell Vince.


WCR #82 (11/2/07)- It's the first of the month...

Anonymous Brooke
Is it the 1st or 15th?
She's now welfare Brooke!


WCR #81 (10/26/07)- The following PSA has been paid for...

Happy Halloween
Don't Trick or Treat at Piper's crib
or you will die!


WCR #80 (10/19/07)- Cheatum was the bomb...

Hornswoggle with bomb
Coach should've learned from the past
Remember Cheatum?


WCR #79 (10/12/07)- It is the start of the Randy Orton Era!

Orton won the belt
He was the last man standing
Shit, RK Oh no!!!


WCR #78 (10/5/07)- No Haiku (Song)

R.D. Sings

(to the tune of "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor)

Had enough of WWE
So she bought a ticket to China
I mean the country not that old stinky skank
Joanie Laurer who had a clit like a dick

So she went there wearing high heels
I guess that wasn't too clever
Had her giant gonzagas right out on display
Too bad they didn't help her at all

Now the tranny is off Survivor
She got thrown to the curb
Didn't even outlast the guy named chicken
Voted right off the ilsand like some Poindexter nerd
Should have shaved off her 'stache then she'd be
On Survivor


WCR #77 (9/28/07)- Co-Host Contest officially ends.

The contest is over
I only got one more symbol to add
(Gong)


WCR #76 (9/21/07)- Triple H is back from the dead?

Unstoppable Trips
Call him the Underhunter
King of Burials.


WCR #75 (9/6/07)- No Haiku. BM Punk Phone Call.


WCR #74 (8/31/07)- Rey Mysterio is back.

Silver Surfer Rey
Fantasic Four?
Try fantastic 40 inch waist.


WCR #73 (8/17/07)- Two haikus for your money

(Triple Kelly)

Vince's Bastard Child
Girl wins Co-Host Contest
Gooker ends in tie.

(Blade Braxton)

Return of the Game?
I'd rather play
Atari 2600!


WCR #72 (8/10/07)- 2nd Anniversary of WrestleCrap Radio, Vince Cheated?

Vince Got him some strange
Thanks to his cheating
We now get Lance Von McMahon!


WCR #71 (7/27/07)- Hornswoggle, the pint sized Cruiser Champ.

Hornswoggle's a champ
If Super Porky doesn't get a shot
We Riot!


WCR #70 (7/20/07)- Great Khali is King of the World.

Nooo time for losers
Khali is the champion
of the world (inaudible)


WCR #69 (7/13/07)- Blade likes Brook Hogan's new assets.

Brooksters new boobies
What you ask could be better?
Bright orange nipples!


WCR #68 (7/6/07)- Michelle McCools loves life.

She thinks she's Hennig
Michelle McCool
Absolutely not perfect!


WCR #67 (6/22/07)- Stephanie has grown quite large.

Big Steph's in the house!
Oops, sorry, meant to say
she's as big as a house!


WCR #66 (6/15/07)-

Vince is dead? Say it
ain't so! Sadly his grapefruits
weren't flame retarded.


WCR #65 (6/1/07)- Blade's tribute to his new favorite wrestler: RVD w/Concussion Syndrome!

RVD's concussed
He got kicked in his dome
Man, I'm feelin' woozy...


WCR #64 (5/25/07)- No Haiku
Lance Storm Interview


WCR #63 (5/18/07)- Sabu is guilty of gimmick infringement.

Sabu without pants
Gimmick infringement!
My lawyers will be in touch.


WCR #62 (5/11/07)- No Haiku (Song)

(to the tune of Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias)

To all the Diva's we've loved before
Who used to dress like slutty whores
I'm glad they came along
We got to see all the tongs
Of all the Divas we've loved before.

To all the Divas that were barely dressed
And may I say Victoria's teh best
Their matches might blow
But we saw the camel toe
Of all the Divas we've loved before.

But there'll be no more boobs showing
Vince ne dress code's in place
He says its for advertising
Me, I think he just turned gay.

To all the Divas on Monday Night
Who are now dressed like Vince's wife
I'm glad they came along
We'll never see the thongs
Of all the Diva's we've loved before.

WCR #61 (5/4/07)- Blade holds out on syllables for more money.

Vince is champ again
Could things get any worse?
Yes!! Great Khali Champion!!!


WCR #60 (4/27/07)- Milk does a body good? What?

Nathan Jones Condemned
Jones 3:16
I just Vitamin D'd your ass!

WCR #59 (4/13/07)- Balde talks about CM Punk joining the New Breed.

CM Punk turned heel
He's New Breed!
He's new...(snore sounds)


WCR #58 (4/6/07)- Backlash? More like backwash...

Wrestlemania
It was all grown up
Backlash's tagline All Thrown up.


WCR #57 (3/30/07)- In a bizarre WCR, Jon Thomas fills in on the haiku.

That deadbeat Brakestown
He never pays his damn bills
No man escapes my Jon Thoams

WCR #56 (3/23/07)- Hairy Wrestlemania Main Event!

Billionaire Battle
I'd pay one billion dollars
to make this shit stop!


WCR #55 (3/9/07)- No Haiku (Song)

Watch her walk
Watch her talk
Watch her compete
Our Diva search tranny is packing some meat

She is brittle like Corn Flakes
Always makes mistakes
A match with the tranny means time for a piss break

That soft and furry mustache is too manly to touch
To see her looking like Burt Reynolds
Is really just too much

Chrous:

May balls run cold
Christy Hemme save my soul
The Tranny is the centerfold
Tranny is the centerfold

(repeat chorus)

Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah


WCR #54 (3/2/07)- Blade loves the enhancement MTV adds in post production

WSX
Goodness Gracious
Great Balls of CGI Fire!


WCR #53 (2/23/07)- All Grown up Wrestlemania Haiku.

Wrestlemania
All grow up hugh?
Michael Jackson does not approve.


WCR #52 (2/9/07)- Haiku with Snitsky-filled goodness.

What could be better
Snitksy gotta great new look
Mania Main Event.


WCR #51 (2/2/07)- Blade marks for WS.

WSX
I'd rather piss on their fence
then watch other feds.


WCR #50 (1/26/07)- Blade explains the real meaning to the Royal Rumble.

The Royal Rumble
Every man for himself?
Sounds like a circle jerk.


WCR #49 (1/19/07)- A humbled Blade is forced to read a listener's haiku.

Detroit Lions stink
Demolition weren't that good
I like to eat poop.


WCR #48 (1/12/07)- Balde wasn't too impressed with The View from RAW.

Rosie and Donald
The bitch ate a fudge whale
the match sucked Moby's Dick.




2006 Shows


WCR #47 (12/15/06)- Yule-tide advice in a haiku from Blade.

Christmas Time is here
the new induction taught us
don't fuck your sister.


WCR #46 (12/1/06)- Money, Money, Yeah, Yeah...

Kramer and Cryme Tyme
Hang me in a tree
And stick a fork in my eye.


WCR #45 (11/17/06)- Blade survives and talks about McMahon's posterior.

McMahon's cartoon ass
He says it can do tricks
Make it disappear!


WCR #44 (11/3/06)- WCR returns, Blade is killed by Corporal Kirschner, writes haiku.

I'm Corporal Kirschner
I'm fucking alive damnit!
My career is dead...Gah!!!


WCR #43 (10/13/06)- R.D. saves the day, haiku style!

Hammer Valentine
Greg has new employment
Cigar Store Indian.

WCR #42 (9/29/06)- TNA Welcomes Kurt Angle, cause that is how he rolls.

Six sides one Angle...
Dixie forgot the ramp
for Kurt's future wheelchair.


WCR #41 (9/22/06)- Blade's Tribute to the Boogeyman.

He's the Boogeyman!
And he's coming...
...to get his unemployment check!


WCR #40 (9/15/06)- Dr. Haiku talks about Test and his way with women.

Why do chicks dig Test?
Kelly's got the right answer.
He's got a foot long dong.


WCR #39 (9/8/06)- Blade's tribute to Trish

Goodbye Trish Stratus
Its the final curtain
I'll miss your meat curtain


WCR #38 (8/25/06)-Buy the book, or R.D.'s seed suffers.

Our new book's coming
Hope you buy it
R.D. Jr. needs clean diapers.


WCR #37 (8/18/06)- No Haiku
WWE Diva Search Finale


WCR #36 (8/11/06)- The First Anniversary of WrestleCrap Radio.

Hulk's got a bum knee
He should have drank mommy's milk
It does a Hulk good.

WCR #35 (7/28/06)- Blade hates the crossover appeal of the newest WWE brand.

Flair, Take, Then Kane
EC Dub
Extreme Cross-promotion Wrestling


WCR #34 (7/14/06)- Blade on the 2006 DIVA search.

Moronic Divas
How will this class top last years?
Leave it to Deever! (Leave it to Titty!)


WCR #33 (7/7/06)- Now with rhymin' action!

RVD's busted
Robbie should've just said no
Now we're stuck with Show.


WCR #32 (6/30/06)- No haiku? Try a 31 syllable Tanka! Buffalo!

Kelly's expose
The only thing that has been exposed
Is the simple fact that Mr. John Laurenaitis
sucks as a talent scout.


WCR #31 (6/23/06)- Blade is afraid of bare male ass.

Too much bare male ass
Was that RAW or
The World Wrestling Enema?


WCR # 30 (6/16/06)- DX is a generation older and it shows.

DX Reunion
What does DX stand for now?
Depends Extra Strength


WCR # 29 (6/2/06)- Shakira Braxton talks about Double Kane.

There's another Kane
He looks like a tard in drag
Drag him off my t.v.


WCR #28 (4/28/06)- Blade waxes nostalgic on ECW.

EC Dub is back
Beating a dead horse?
More like banging a dead corpse.


WCR #27 (4/21/06)- Blade explains the McMahon vs God feud to us.

McMahonism Huh?
May Vince soon be crucificed
On a grapefuit tree


WCR #26 (4/14/06)- Blade goes to R.D.'s and waxes about Randy Orton.

RKO is Gone
Shit related?
Yeah, for shitting on my Fridays


WCR #25 (4/7/06)- Triple H is a Master of His Universe.

Forget old Conan
Here's Triple H as
Gonad the Barbarian


WCR #24 (4/1/06)- April Fool's Show...In March.

What a crappy show
Lee Marshall dumbass callers
Yo, April Fool's Day


WCR #23 (3/17/06)- St. Patrick's Day, Funkedified Edition Haiku.

Verne being inducted
Screw Cena's mumble
Here's Verne's Hall of Fame Rumble


WCR #22 (3/10/06)- Blade discusses the newest nude WWE Diva in Playboy.

Candace in Playboy
Another skank in the nude
Yay, plastic funbags


WCR #21 (2/24/06)- No Haiku
Vince Russo Interview Part II


WCR #20 (2/17/06) No Haiku
Vince Russo Interview Part I


WCR #19 (2/3/06)- Blade mocks Edge for losing the title.

So Edge lost the belt
He may be Rated R
But his reign gets an F


WCR #18 (1/27/06)- Blade disses on the men in green.

They've got spirit...yay
Spirit Squad's got spirit...yay
They've got spirit...gay


WCR #17 (1/20/06)- Little Johnny is unemployed.

Run run Heidenreich
Run away, live to anal
rape some other day.


WCR #16 (1/13/06)- It's R.D.'s Birthday Bash

Congrats Edge- New Champ
May your reign be more slid
Than your limp live sex


WCR #15 (1/6/06)- The New Year finds Blade speechless or does it?

I missed RAW Monday
No clue what to talk about
Lita's boobs are huge





2005 Shows


WCR #14 (12/9/05)- Blade breaks out holiday music to describe a firing.

Christy's been fired
Hope she finds a job, or her
butt will need food stamps


WCR #13 (12/2/05)- Blade discusses Ric Flair's recent problem.

Shame Nature Boy
To be the man, do you have
to throttle the man?


WCR #12 (11/18/05)- No Haiku This Week

R.I.P. Eddie Guerrero


WCR #11 (11/11/05)- Blade sends a fond farewell to Captain Charisma

Captain Charisma
The WWE Has Burned You Out
Three Words: Rest in Peeps


WCR #10 (10/28/05)- The real Triple H, The Haunted Halloween Haiku!

J.R.'s battered ass
That was so painful, my poor
eyes felt sodomized


WCR #9 (10/21/05)- A bizarre new wrestler has stolen Blade's heart.

The Boogeyman's here
He wears a big plastic heart
He has stolen mine


WCR #8 (10/14/05)- Blade thinks Nipple H is latest celeb possibly with child.

Stephanie is now blonde
She kind of looks like Britney
A pregnant Britney


WCR #7 (10/7/05)- Blade theorizes on what happened to Frankie.

Koko with stuffed bird
Judging by Hunter's physique
Trip's ate the real bird


WCR #6 (9/30/05)- CENSORED By SPIKE TV!

USA Network
(Line censored by Spike TV)
Jeff Jarrett's cornhole

WCR #5 (9/23/05)- Blade reviews the Warrior's exciting new DVD.

Oh Mr. Hellwig
Forget queering, pray that your
new disc doesn't work


WCR # 4 (9/16/05)- A desperate plea from Blade Braxton.

Trish Stratus is back
Trish, I beg you please, please, please
Ditch the damn tranny!!!

WCR # 3 (8/27/05)- Matt Hardy is having a hard time.

Poor Old Matt Hardy
Worker or Shoot You Ask?
Try Shot as in your career.


WCR # 2 (8/19/05)- [1st ever haiku] Hulk Hogan Is Getting Up There...

Shawn Michaels, Hulkster
Summerslam Big Main Event
Will Hulk's Depends Leak?


WCR # 1 (8/12/05)- [WCR Pilot.] No Haiku This Week


No comments: