"Stewart Patrick"

"MAKE IT SO...I can get Zero Percent
Financing for 24 months, Number One."

Captain "Stewart Patrick" was the 11th TNA correspondent, beginning his service on March 26th, 2010. "Director of Marketing" at TNA, he was recommended to the job by RD's bad impression of Colonel Bob Parker, his 'mentor'.

As befit his role he gave almost no TNA news at all. Instead he was resplendent to shill TNA's marketing deal with Pontiac, who was going out of business that year in some sort of weird meta-statement on TNA. His entire gimmick is based on the fact that Sir Patrick Stewart once did ad spots for Pontiac in the heyday of The Next Generation (Jonathan Frakes would later do his own advertising thing during that same time frame.)

Tragically before he could extoll the virtues of the Pontiac Hannah Montana he was 'killed' at the Roast (set on May 30th) by the Midnight Rose, angered at his attempts at 'jokes'. Of course he pulled a Spock's Chakra on the Genesis Planet and returned to the airwaves five years later (on Wrestlecrap Radio episode #252). Perhaps he used impulse speed to do so seeing as he took so long.

  • Would teleport in and out for his segment, set to a bad MIDI TNG theme.
  • During his tenure he informed us of the great things that could be done with the Rob Van Dam Grand Am, the Dixie Carter Trans Sport Minivan, and the Deangelo DeNero Viero. (Good for going westward ho with your hoe in the ultra efficient air flow; woe is you if you don't go...So?)
  • Took a Grand Am for a test drive but sadly wrecked the thing. (He managed to escape just in time.)
  • Sounded more British than Sir Alec.
  • Two thousand dollars cash back.
  • I'm leaving now.

In an alternate universe somewhere Stewart Patrick and TNA Marketing suffer through his 10th year of TNA corresponding.

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