Sir Alec Heineken

Not his actual picture.
[For an enhanced experience, please read the following profile while listening to: Concerto No 1 in E Major (Spring) Allegro by Antonio Vivaldi]


Sir Alec Heineken can speak with an English accent. He uses it to read terrible wrestling stories.

Sir Alec Heineken walks through the dark streets of a Kansas suburb. The night is musty. His destination is upon him sooner than expected. Alec approaches. He stares into the window of Blade Braxton's abode. Alec sees Blade is on the phone, co-hosting another episode of WrestleCrap Radio, and not wearing pants, as usual. Blade motions "come here" with his finger. Alec comes inside through the foyer and sits in a recliner in the corner of the living room. Minute after minute, he says not a word, waiting patiently as Blade continues the show. But then, at the right moment, Blade texts R.D. with a message to strike up the theme music to Fan Fiction Theatre. Sir Alec picks up the extension and begins reading some disgusting wrestling-related smut. It's just so gross. Ecch.

  • Fills the progrem's quota as the dirty old man.
  • Has his own approving audience that cheers him on.
  • Goes around restaurants with his (imaginary woman?) Ellie.
  • Improvisational with various food items to use for sexual intercourse.
  • Has an old rivalry with Mike Check.
  • Good Lord, lad. 
  • Aww...look at that! Way to go! Congratulations! We're so proud of you! That's what I'm talking about! Yes! We knew you could do it! Congratulations! You did it! Whooo!!! 

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Sir Alec's Fan Fiction Theatre Transcripts

[For an enhanced experience, please read the following stories while listening to: Canon in D Major by Johann Pachelbel]




1 comment:

Erik M. said...

Aww...we are so proud of you! Way to go! That's what I'm talking about! Whoo!!!